Does anyone have a wig? I want to pull my hair out!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by zoet, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    MY GOODNESS I have just had the MOST infuriating 2 hours phone conversations! I'm trying to help dad sell his house at the moment so he can come and live with me. He's more than happy to be doing this and is co-operating every way he possibly can BUT the ESTATE AGENTS are being complete plonkers! They have met dad 3 times and know exactly how confused he is. I have repeated, and so has dad, many times that they must deal with ME on the phone because of dads difficulty communicating..and STILL they just dont GET IT! GRRRRRRRRR:mad:
    I rang them on Tuesday to ask why a for sale sign had not been placed outside the house. "Oh its been ordered...it should be there now, if not it will be there tomorrow"

    I leave it a couple of days.....it's a simple thing, lets have patience.
    I ring dad today and ask if theres a sign in the front garden. He tootles off to the BACK garden :)D bless him!), leaving me on an empty phone line for 15 minutes, only to come back and tell me he cooked lamb chops in the microwave last night and they werent very nice!!!:D
    OK....so I ask him again about the sign (I ignore the lamb chops for now, lets focus).
    "Oh no darling we cant have one, they dont like that sort of thing you know."
    I explain again what a for sale sign is and how we have to have one ( I dont know who "they" are). I explain it will be in the front garden....could he please have a look out of the window he is standing next to? He looks....he leaves....he wanders off to the loo. I hear him coming back and then I hear him answer the front door. He has a quick natter to the lady (she's one of the Crossroads ladies by some miracle!) and she asks who is on the phone. "Bridgefords the estate agents" I hear him say. (Not our estate agents I might add!!!:D)
    Meanwhile Im SCREEEEEEEEAMING down the other end of the phone for someone please to pick it up! LOLOL. Well he comes back on and says..."You know I havent heard from that lady since Monday?" (The lady who is now standing, looking puzzled I would imagine, in his living room).
    I take a deep breath..."Could you put the lady on the phone dad?"
    Dad: "Which lady?
    Zoe: "The one standing next to you!"
    Dad"oh her....right, yes of course"
    He passes the phone and I hear him whisper conspiritorially "Its my daughter....shes a bit confused!"
    I'll be honest, as frustrating as this was, I was nearly wetting myself laughing....it's like some Harry Enfield sketch!
    Anyway, a brief chat to Crossroads lady later I have established there is no for sale sign in the front garden. Excellent....thats progress! I chat a little, and she says she's just seen dad with a written note pushed through the door by the estate agents, which could be something to do with it. She goes to find it, but cant. I say bye to both of them and ring the agents up.
    Now THIS is the frustrating bit....I'm told that someone came and tried to put a sign up but couldnt get dad to answer the door. So they pushed a note through and left it!!! I explained again to the manager that dad has Alzheimers, he's confused, they need to talk to ME. I ask if he's ever experienced anyone with AD. "Oh yes" he replies. "Hmmmm" Im thinking! Well when were they going to tell me about the sign? When were they going to put it up? So far they havent done anything I asked, such as phoning me not dad, or sending me copies of any paper work. I'm getting a bit annoyed really, but I grit my teeth and carry on....."Please put the sign up asap, wether dad is in or not...wether he says to or not...ring ME if there are any problems." The poor man agrees he will definately not underestimate dads confusion any more and will deal with me only. Good.
    5 minutes later....."Hello is that Zoe? This is Blah Blah estate agents signs dept here. We will be round tomorrow morning to put the sign up".
    "Fabulous" Im thinking!
    They then confirm the address of dads house.......guess what....they were going to deliver ME a lovely for sale sign HERE! ME! AT MY HOUSE! In A DIFFERENT COUNTY! My house ISNT for sale!!!!!!:D:mad::D:mad::D
    *Sighs.....ah well, makes me realise dad isnt the only one out there with dementia!!!
     
  2. SusanB

    SusanB Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    155
    Hove
    Hi Zoet

    Sorry - don't have any comment to make here, apart from...Brilliant Post! I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it was funny!

    things will get sorted for you - I hope.
     
  3. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Hi Susan.....dont worry, although it's frustrating it IS also really funny! I have just told my partner Aron, who has just got in from work, and he's laughing his head off! better that than cry eh?!:D
     
  4. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Zoet,

    I do understand your frustration..I had similar experiences when trying to help my mum sell her house..she was there..I was here..and my mum didn't have AD..selling property is always at least stressful..at worst a nightmare..:eek:

    Have you ever thought of writing comedy sketches..? No disrespect..I recognise the seriousness of the situation..you interpret it in a lovely way!!! With humour..and care..:)

    Love Gigi xx
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Oh Zoe, I'm not surprised you're tearing your hair out! I think I might have been swinging for someone.

    I'm glad you can laugh at it, it's the only way to get through these conversations.

    Love,
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Oo - the screaming down the phone - that's brings it all back. I remember screaming myself hoarse trying to get my mother to pick up the phone when she'd wandered off off some reason. It was always fatal to mention something that might have to be checked or looked for as off she would go and then either forget I was still on the phone, or, actually lose it and I'd hear this plaintive little voice saying "Jenny? Jenny? Are you there Jenny?". Drove me crazy and/or into hysterical laughter depending on whether I was expecting someone else to be visiting her who I could get to rescue the phone.

    Don't know what to say about the estate agents though - I think I'd feel a touch resentful about paying their commission.
     
  7. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Eheheh...you've just GOT to laugh at some of the things they do havent you! Im not offended at all by the thought about writing comedy sketches, although it's really dad whos providing the material! I bet he'd like to read them! Might write a book or something telling the escapades of dad. I have to say I have secretly giggled at a few stories on here relaying the anitics of our loved ones. Dad doesnt mind me laughing at all, he laughs too. I think its a welcome relief for us both from the sad stresses we both deal with. Im sure it wont last forever, but while he's still got a sense of humour, (and while Ive still got hair left) I will always see the funny side!:D
     
  8. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Firstly, answer to your question: No I do not have a wig!!:):)

    You do make a very serious situation sound funny :p - but I am sure you would rather us laugh over something else.

    I do hope the For Sale sign is in the right place soon. Even more I hope you get a sale very very quickly.

    Good luck Jan
     
  9. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Zoet
    Highlly frustrating and well, funny! I think somebody's already said it, but if you couldn't laugh you'd cry...
    I'd be a bit worried about the estate agents, if they find it so hard to put up a sign how are they going to manange actually selling it. I think Jennifer's right about the commission!
    If this keeps happening, you're not going to be able to get any chance to grow your hair back! Better get yourself a few wigs just to be one the safe side!!!
    take care
    hendy
     
  10. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Zoet,
    I have a wig - in perfect condition. Bought it for a laugh.
    Your relay of the happenings would make a good sketch - you could not make it up.
    As for the Estate Agents, in my own personal opinion, I would try another Agency, yet again I think it is a case of when you have met one Estate Agent, you have met them all.
    Good luck
    Christine
     
  11. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Zoet, what a laugh! Have you had any offers on your house yet?

    No, love, it isn't funny, but thanks for giving it an amusing twist, after today's events anything that isn't sad is funny.

    Ta

    Margaret
     
  12. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Well....the wigs are on order, the Estate Agents are on probation, and Im on my way to visit dad now to try to persuade him NOT to cook the entire contents of the cupboards and fridge in one day, and in the microwave!!!
    Ive bought him loads of shopping for the Crossroads ladies to cook him one meal a day, but the trouble is, whereas previously he was buying his own and it was rubbish so he didn't want to eat,I do his shopping now and he's like a child in a sweet shop, and seems to have gone on a Jamie Oliver-esque kitchen frenzy! Everything is nuked! From grapes to the notorious lamb chops leaving very little for the poor ladies to make him a meal out of! Last visit I found bits of charred sausage all over the place, including a wonderful sculpture of them welded to the microwave plate:D Im thinking a locked cupboard, or taking the fuse out of the microwave might be in order, but we'll see.
    He also appears not to be sleeping in his bed...this pointed out to me by the Crossroads ladies who say the bed linen is pristie and the pillows arranged like a Home and gardens photo. I ask hi about it, and he said "Oh yes, Im a very neat sleeper!"
    Hmmmmmm....is all I can say to that! Especially as I know for a fact that until I changed the bed linen for a nice new set last week, HIS idea of changing the sheets and making the bed was to bung all the blankets and unwanted pillows in the shower cubicle (along with a packet of cornflakes, a pair of scissors and his false teeth I might add) and spread cellular blankets over the whole kit and kaboodle!
    So....off to see the latest installment now! i shall keep you informed!
     
  13. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Good luck today - I love your posts and understand too well that whilst we think it is funny it is for you very very sad. I do admire you for 'always looking on the bright side'. A pity you did not take a picture of the sculptured sausage to share with us :).

    Take care Jan
     
  14. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Zoet

    Hope you dont find any other interesting sculptures when you get to Dads. It sounds like the way your dads going he could put in an entry for the tate art competition!

    Your wig reference, brought to mind an extremely funny anecdote about an ex-colleague of mine. He was rather a bully, so I dont feel bad about relating it. He is reputed to wear a wig. The story goes, that he has a different wig for every day of the week and each wig gets a little longer each day to mimic hair growth and evetually a hair cut. Another example of truth being stranger than ficiton!!
    take care
    hendy
     
  15. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,142
    Toronto, Canada
    Hi Zoet,
    Just caught up with this post & had to stifle my laughter as I'm at work. Thank you for your wonderful sense of humour. I just about wet myself too, reading it.

    That's my favourite bit :D.

    You obviously belong to my school of thinking - you can either laugh or cry so you might as well laugh. Thanks a bunch for starting my day off so nicely (it's 8:55 am here).
     
  16. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Hi everyone....well, Im back!
    The wig story is VERY funny... Im especially liking the idea of how that bloke must think noone KNOWS hes wearing a wig and assumes noone knows that real hair doesnt grow inches in a day! ehehehe:D
    There were no more sculptures today at dads, the bed WAS pristine (but he has been sleeping in it....two pairs of glasses and half a bar of Dairy Milk were under the covers), and I'm not sure whats going on but there was no real clutter, the heating was on, he'd had a BATH, and he'd eaten breakfast! WOW...it was nearly like visiting dad three years ago!
    Except however, for some reason all the tinned food has now been moved.....into the bathroom!!!:confused: I'm not really sure the logic behind it, and dad didnt seem to think he'd put it there. He thought I had.:confused:
    Zoe: "why would I put it there dad?"
    Dad: "Ive no idea sweetheart, perhaps you were hungry when you had a bath?"

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    We had a really good conversation which made sense all the way through, and I hit upon an idea when he forgot a word and we played the "is it big, is it small, is it a building, is it a person..."type game. It occured to me that there is an electronic game on the market which guesses the object you are thinking about....has anyone played on one? You have to answer yes or no to the questions it asks while it works out what it is you are thinking of. Ive played on my partners neices at Christmas and I think Im going to ask to borrow it for dad, to see if he can use it. It seems to get the answers really quickly, and I reckon it will help us talk when he forgets a word. We often play find the word for so long we have both forgotten the subject matter, so maybe it will help for a while.

    Its easy to find the lighter side of things at this stage, because essentially dad is still my dad. He's all in there, a little hard for him to break through the AD at times, but still there. I bet its his humour, and laugh that makes his eys go crinkly and his belly shake, that I will miss the most when the time comes. So Im just making the most of it. I was so relieved to see he had eaten well, and looked clean and smart, the tins in the bathroom didnt matter one bit.
    Im glad my sharing these happy moments with you has made you smile too, because noone else will understand just how important they are. Thank you every body...youre great!:D
     
  17. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Zoe, you're obviously very confused!:D:D:D

    Seriously, I really admire the way you're handling this. If you can keep that lovely sense of humour (and love for your dad), you'll get through!

    Love,
     
  18. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Hi Zoet
    You are so tuned in Zoet, this bloke doesn't realise everybody knows he's wearing a wig!
    You have such a good attitiude Zoe, you're right we've to treasure these moments, however comica/tragic. When you can laugh, it can get you through anything. I dont mean that everything is funny. Dementia isn't a laughing matter, it is horrendous. My husband is a comic(he could do stand up if he wanted to), he 'laughed' me all the way through the birth of E. So laughter is a definately a healer.
    Not everybody has a sense of humour though...(they dont know what they're missing!)
    take care
    hendy
     
  19. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Thank you Hendy thats true not everyone has a sense of humour, and I wouldnt dream of intentionally offending anyone by laughing at thier situation (unless they were!).
    This disease has to be one of the saddest things Ive ever experienced and its symptoms and effects are horrific. You, I, and some others, are lucky to be able to heal a little with the smiles; for dad and I it's a precious, fragile coping system that gets us through the frightening moments, and the painful realisation that things will never be normal again.
    In a way, its the only normalcy we have in our relationship as the lines between parent and child overlap and change places. Dad would always try to make me laugh when I was a little girl, often at the expensive of poor mum who had given me a telling off to keep me in line! It is a big part of who he was and still is.
    What has changed of course is now he isn't trying to be funny, but he still sees the AD things he does as funny, and I suspect when he makes me laugh he likes it! Another aspect, looking deep into my own psyche, is (and I KNOW this will be familiar to alot of us)we get very little acknowledgment from our loved ones for our hard work, our exhausting battles, our sacrifices, and our grief. Our loved ones no longer seem to possess the capacity to think about things from our perspective.
    So in some small way, and this probably sounds a bit weird, my supspicion that dad is enjoying making me laugh, is me clinging on to the hope that he still worries that I may be upset or sad.
    I have witnessed dad become extremely distressed over the last couple of months, especially when he realised his old friend was stealing his savings and plotting his future, and I too became distressed in front of him, I couldnt help it. It was panic and shock. He saw that and immediately became calm..."Its alright chicken, she cant hurt you!" he said. That touched me beyond belief. So much of what we have to do is "stay strong", "be calm", "hide the reality". It was nice to know he could still care.
    Those moments, those little bursts of gratitude, and concern, are so rare, they become very valuable. This is how I see dad and I laughing at his mistakes, his AD behaviours. Its a bridge between us, letting us both know we are walking the path together. I would never laugh at dads, or anyones distress, but I welcome TP in sharing mine and dads snatches of happiness. It spreads the smiles, and that cant be bad!:)
     
  20. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Zoet
    It was lovely to read your post. Its true this disease does change the relationship we have with Dads. Its coming to terms with these changes and helping them through the distress that is so difficult at times. I think your dad still loves you and cares about you and is mindful of the things you have to do for him, I dont think that ever changes, however much the disease progresses. When my dad was recently hospitalised, during my first visit I broke down in tears in front of him, I shouldnt have done this but couldn't help it. He tried to comfort me 'there,there just relax, dont worry' Dad can hardly communicate, but he managed to then. My dad also had a lovely sense of humour, and I managed to see a little of that recently. He asked for a cup of 'cicky', we both had a giggle about that I saw the twinkle in his eyes! A priceless moment. Zoet I think you will have many more 'priceless' moments with your Dad. Sharing the funny things well, its just communicating our feelings to others.
    take care
    hendy
     

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