1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Milly2015

    Milly2015 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2015
    1
    Hi..I am new to the forum. I have been reading alot of the posts and was amazed to read so many similar stories. My dad passed away in August from Lewy Body Dementia. Its been 4 months and I still find it difficult. Dad was diagnosed about 3 years ago, he was slowly going down hill over that time, my mum was his full time carer but in May he was admitted into hospital cos he was falling. The day before he went into hospital he was eating, drinking and mobile (sort of) and able to communicate somewhat. The day after he went into hospital he went rapidly downhill, he was somewhat aggressive, confused, he was sedated most of the time, didn't know anyone and eventually (within a few weeks) stopped eating and drinking, he was on a drip till his last breath. He didn't talk, didnt know me really, the odd time I would see a little flicker of recognition and in the blink of an eye it was gone. I was heartbreaking to see him like this and what I find most difficult to come to terms with is wondering if he knew I was there with him, did he know me at all, did he feel like he was abandoned, was he in pain, so many questions and I will never know the answers to them, I feel a sense of guilt for leaving him in hospital. If we had taken him home, would his familiar surroundings have brought him back. I do sometimes feel that it was the sudden change to his routine that made him deteriorate, jump started the alzheimers. anyway sorry for rambling, so what did I do, I did what I do best, I wrote a song about it. It is how I get my feelings out. I cant attach it or give you the link but if you go to soundcloud.com and search my profile name Milly Gil you can find it.
    I hope you have a listen and can connect to it...it is country, so if country is not your thing, you may not like it, but the sentiments are the same...

    Milly
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,215
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP :)

    Guilt can be a carers/former carers constant companion. Bash the guilt monster over the head as from your post you did everything from your dad.
     
  3. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,534
    North East England
    I'm sorry to hear about the death of your dear dad, Milly, please accept my condolences. I agree with Cat that you did everything you could - what more could you have done? I hope you can banish the guilt.

    I listened to your song and loved it. What a wonderful outlet you have in your music - I'm sure your dad would be very proud.

    xx
     
  4. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,497
    Female
    Near Southampton
    I'm sitting here in floods of tears. I like country and I loved your song.
    My husband also deteriorated greatly after going into hospital, though the trauma of his major amputation contributed too.
    He lived for nearly four more years but in a nursing home, if you can call it living.
    Yes the guilt can haunt you but we can all be wise in hindsight.
    This song is a lovely dedication to your father and I'm sure he would have loved it too. x
     
  5. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    167
    West Sussex
    Your song made me cry too. It was so beautifully expressed and I hope the writing of it has helped you.

    I lost my father in 2009 and I still miss him. So your song resonates.
     
  6. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    1,425
    Female
    East Coast of Australia
    My Dad died in 2000 of cancer, my Mum in 2012 from Alzheimers. Mum really had no quality of life for the last three years but I was still by her side as much as I could be. I have no regrets, I know I did the best I could. I hope in time you will feel the same.
     
  7. trigger

    trigger Account on hold

    Aug 25, 2009
    138
    Plymstock Devon
    Cant see a Milly Gil ??
     
  8. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    You've expressed my thoughts exactly xxx
     
  9. PaddyJim

    PaddyJim Registered User

    Jan 19, 2013
    48
    North Yorkshire
    I understand how you feel

    Hi Milly

    I understand how you feel, I lost my mum earlier in the year and I thought / think I am doing all right but the thought of our first Christmas without her saddens me immensely. I think grief does strange things to us and your feelings are completely normal and you should be kinder on yourself. Your music is fantastic and I particularly liked Groundhog Day as that what it feels like it to me at the moment. Here's hoping 2016 is better.

    Best Wishes

    PaddyJim
     
  10. Kristivazq

    Kristivazq Registered User

    Jun 6, 2015
    17
    I'm sitting here sobbing with tears streaming down my face. I can so relate to the words of the song. I know your Daddy loves it and is so proud of you. Guilt is useless. You did what you could and what you were able to do. He knows that.

    Hugs from New York.

    Kristi
     

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