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Milly2015

Registered User
Dec 11, 2015
1
Hi..I am new to the forum. I have been reading alot of the posts and was amazed to read so many similar stories. My dad passed away in August from Lewy Body Dementia. Its been 4 months and I still find it difficult. Dad was diagnosed about 3 years ago, he was slowly going down hill over that time, my mum was his full time carer but in May he was admitted into hospital cos he was falling. The day before he went into hospital he was eating, drinking and mobile (sort of) and able to communicate somewhat. The day after he went into hospital he went rapidly downhill, he was somewhat aggressive, confused, he was sedated most of the time, didn't know anyone and eventually (within a few weeks) stopped eating and drinking, he was on a drip till his last breath. He didn't talk, didnt know me really, the odd time I would see a little flicker of recognition and in the blink of an eye it was gone. I was heartbreaking to see him like this and what I find most difficult to come to terms with is wondering if he knew I was there with him, did he know me at all, did he feel like he was abandoned, was he in pain, so many questions and I will never know the answers to them, I feel a sense of guilt for leaving him in hospital. If we had taken him home, would his familiar surroundings have brought him back. I do sometimes feel that it was the sudden change to his routine that made him deteriorate, jump started the alzheimers. anyway sorry for rambling, so what did I do, I did what I do best, I wrote a song about it. It is how I get my feelings out. I cant attach it or give you the link but if you go to soundcloud.com and search my profile name Milly Gil you can find it.
I hope you have a listen and can connect to it...it is country, so if country is not your thing, you may not like it, but the sentiments are the same...

Milly
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,464
Merseyside
Welcome to TP :)

Guilt can be a carers/former carers constant companion. Bash the guilt monster over the head as from your post you did everything from your dad.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
I'm sorry to hear about the death of your dear dad, Milly, please accept my condolences. I agree with Cat that you did everything you could - what more could you have done? I hope you can banish the guilt.

I listened to your song and loved it. What a wonderful outlet you have in your music - I'm sure your dad would be very proud.

xx
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,514
Near Southampton
I'm sitting here in floods of tears. I like country and I loved your song.
My husband also deteriorated greatly after going into hospital, though the trauma of his major amputation contributed too.
He lived for nearly four more years but in a nursing home, if you can call it living.
Yes the guilt can haunt you but we can all be wise in hindsight.
This song is a lovely dedication to your father and I'm sure he would have loved it too. x
 

Candlelight 67

Registered User
Nov 4, 2013
167
West Sussex
Your song made me cry too. It was so beautifully expressed and I hope the writing of it has helped you.

I lost my father in 2009 and I still miss him. So your song resonates.
 

sunray

Registered User
Sep 21, 2008
1,447
East Coast of Australia
My Dad died in 2000 of cancer, my Mum in 2012 from Alzheimers. Mum really had no quality of life for the last three years but I was still by her side as much as I could be. I have no regrets, I know I did the best I could. I hope in time you will feel the same.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
Essex
I'm sitting here in floods of tears. I like country and I loved your song.
My husband also deteriorated greatly after going into hospital, though the trauma of his major amputation contributed too.
He lived for nearly four more years but in a nursing home, if you can call it living.
Yes the guilt can haunt you but we can all be wise in hindsight.
This song is a lovely dedication to your father and I'm sure he would have loved it too. x
You've expressed my thoughts exactly xxx
 

PaddyJim

Registered User
Jan 19, 2013
48
North Yorkshire
I understand how you feel

Hi Milly

I understand how you feel, I lost my mum earlier in the year and I thought / think I am doing all right but the thought of our first Christmas without her saddens me immensely. I think grief does strange things to us and your feelings are completely normal and you should be kinder on yourself. Your music is fantastic and I particularly liked Groundhog Day as that what it feels like it to me at the moment. Here's hoping 2016 is better.

Best Wishes

PaddyJim
 

Kristivazq

Registered User
Jun 6, 2015
17
I'm sitting here sobbing with tears streaming down my face. I can so relate to the words of the song. I know your Daddy loves it and is so proud of you. Guilt is useless. You did what you could and what you were able to do. He knows that.

Hugs from New York.

Kristi