Do you get help from close family ?

[Mazurka]

I do get help, in the sense that family do offer help, and I am grateful. The thing is, looking after someone who has Altzheimers, as my wife has, is a 24 hour job. It's in those times when all you need is someone to talk to. My wife knows who I am, but has virtually become a recluse in our bedroom. With the curtains closed, as when she last came into the living room, where we do have large windows, she says it is like being in a goldfish bowl. My sister , who lives in Northants, and who is 5 years older than me--( I am 79 ), rings me regularly, and it is so good to talk. all the rest of the family do not contact unless to respond when I ask for help, so I live a very quiet existence. Can't leave her to go to any meetings, I am her sole carer, and to be honest, she does not react well to strangers, like Social Care etc. When I have to go out to the shops, iy is a quick there and back, and I never know what she might be doing while I am out, such as taking things from the fridge, washer , and cupboards etc. I someone, even a member of family are here while I go out, she will still do these things, and if you don't see her in time, it's too late. I, however sit where I can see her every move. I can't expect anyone else to do the same. Only us carers know what it's like, it is heartbreaking.

 

[JudyA]

Whilst my OH still has some independence he's clearly deteriorating and does virtually nothing on his own, no hobbies or interests, so whilst I try to arrange things for us both, my own life has shrunk significantly. I can still leave him for a couple of hours, but my family all live over 200 miles away so of no practical help. His are more local but most are working. One will come in for a couple of hours when I ask, or have him for the day very occasionally but I have to ask. So whilst it's reassuring to know my situation is pretty usual, it doesn't stop the sadness or frustration.

 

[hillyjay]

For the last couple of years I’ve been able to leave my husband for a few days so that our elder son can drive up to Scotland where we both rent a cottage to go and meet up with my best friend. (she can’t come down here due to severe arthritis). Younger son pops in to check on his Dad and have a cup of tea with him and a chat. He’s in emergency services so often has to work longer shifts than expected therefore is too late to pop in. His wife works in community support locally so could easily pop in when passing. Except she doesn’t.

OH’s brother lives about a couple of hours from us and phones maybe twice a year. He didn’t really believe me when I told him about his brother at first - ‘sounds pretty good to me’. Last time he phoned (i can’t remember when that might have been) I noticed that OH was chatting away about past family things over and over again. The phone call didn’t last as long as usual and there’s been no call since.

I rather think that I’ve visited my friend for the last time, elder son is very good and supportive and will help out with whatever is needed if he’s able to. His brother and wife visit maybe once a week/10days. They stay for several hours (OH is tired out and falling asleep by the time they leave!) but never offer to put themselves out to help, just little things like dropping me down at the main post office to post a parcel. (we don’t have a car). If anything is needed from the supermarket younger son will tell me he’ll happily pick it up ‘when we’re next in there’ though adds he doesn’t know when that will be.

I’m lucky compared to many on here but it rankles that only one person (older son) seems to see it as it is and care about how I am coping, and I’m aware that he has his own pressures of work and his own life to lead too.