Disappointed with carer

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by jellyfish, Apr 30, 2014.

  1. jellyfish

    jellyfish Registered User

    Apr 30, 2014
    West Midlands
    Hi everyone,

    I would welcome some advice please as I feel as though one of my husband's carers (we have two employed directly using a personal budget) is holding me to ransom.

    For the third year running she has gone on holiday and given me the dates she is going and returning and then fails to return on time leaving me with care cover problems as I work full time in a demanding job. This holiday I have received two text messages from abroad saying she won't be back on time and she's sorry as her partner has extended their dates without telling her?? She will now supposedly be back one week late.

    I replied to clarify the date of return, and stated that it was a little more than inconvenient, to which the response asked whether I wanted her to come back which was a surprise as we have always had a good relationship, or so I thought. It's a shame as I have always been pleased with her work and felt my husband was in safe hands so this has come as a blow and is disappointing. I am desperate to avoid my husband going into nursing care for as long as possible.

    I feel there has been a breach of trust but I don't know how to find another carer at short notice if I tell her not to return. Does anyone have any suggestions as its getting hard to cope with being let down by people when I have so much to cope with anyway?

    Many thanks for taking the time to read my post.

  2. Jaycee23

    Jaycee23 Registered User

    Jan 6, 2011
    Would you treat your employer like that. Would you go on holiday and decide to stay a little longer and employ tactics to try and make them feel pressurised in letting you stay a little longer. At the end of the day there are good carers out there and are ten a penny. You are her employer and she is taking the mickey as you say. I would immediately start looking for a replacement and give her notice. Has she a contract? You could deduct from her pay the cost incurred from her decision to take more time off than planned. Not sure if that is allowed if she has an official contract with you but it seems to me that you have been a tolerant employer and she has just taken advantage of you.
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Perhaps this carer should have a warning. Meanwhile there are agencies which I have found to be reliable and professional. It might be worth seeing what is on offer.

    Unreliability and taking liberties is unacceptable.
  4. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    Hi Jellyfish,

    What a worry for you,I think you've been very reasonable and tolerant with this carer,but she is failing to do what she has been contracted and paid to do,and you are quite right in saying it's causing you and your husband stress that you can well do without. Is she an agency or private carer? I haven't much experience with carers,and being new here on TP,I haven't got much practical advice as the others to offer you,except my support and hope you manage to get this problem sorted without much trouble. It does seem like the carer is playing on your good nature and relationship with you,but she is letting you both down and it's not acceptable.
    Take care

  5. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I agree that your are being taken advantage of. If she is under contract to you can you give her a month's notice to allow you to look for another carer? If she does have a contract there must be something in it which makes reference to reasons for dismissal - ie not holding to her side of the contract. As a former headteacher I know that any member of my staff doing that would have been subject to disciplinary procedures.

    The trouble is that I'm not sure that good carers are really 10 a penny! I know how important it is to find the right person. I wonder if a discussion with your current person, perhaps giving her a warning (written if necessary) regarding future attendance at work within the agreed terms of the contract might be an option.

    I would imagine you will have to be careful to keep within employment regulations in anything you say or do. I know that I would have support in this as our carers are employed through the Direct Payments system. I have someone at the Carers Centre who looks after the legal side of employment regulations.
  6. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    What would happen if you did the same with your employer.

    If I were you , I would wait until you have found another carer to take her place before you give her any required notice period.
  7. jellyfish

    jellyfish Registered User

    Apr 30, 2014
    West Midlands
    Thank you to everyone who replied to my post, your responses are all really appreciated.

    I would never behave like that with my employers and value my job greatly but I guess we're not all the same. I do have a contract with the carer which states there is a 4 week notice period on either side.

    I shall speak to my husband's social worker and direct payment representative for employment advice as I don't want to get anything wrong in respect of employment law. I've also emailed a local care agency to see what is available as an alternative. Hopefully as cover is needed for daytime hours only with no evenings or weekends this will make the job more attractive to an alternative carer.

    I do feel like this carer is trying to take advantage but I think this has pushed things too far.

    Hopefully an alternative will turn up but I think it wise to keep her on until I've sorted something else as Lin1 suggests.

    Thanks again and kindest wishes,

    Jellyfish x

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