Dilemma with cancer treatment

[MReader]

My husband has VD with Alz (probably middle going into late stage)
He also has prostate cancer which is not giving him any trouble at the moment. He had hormone tablets and then radiotherapy 3 years ago. The hormone tablets gave him quite bad side effects and the radiotherapy did not work as well as hoped. During the time he was on hormone tablets, he had increasingly bad angina attacks resulting in 2 coronary stents being fitted and then a stroke which has led to the dementia.
My dilemma is that the hospital & his family(our 2nd marriage) want him to have hormone treatment again - regardless of the side effects. My husband, myself & our GP don't want him to have the treatment - we feel that we both have enough to cope with because of his dementia & heart problems.
Our GP says he is more likely to die of another stroke, heart disease or dementia related issues rather than prostate cancer.
The hospital is being quite pushy and his family are arguing with us like crazy.
Any advice would be appreciated - thanks

 

[Butter]

The patient comes first. That seems to me to be that. If he does not want it, I think everybody else should be listening to him. The fact that you and the GP happen to agree with him is by the way.

 

[rajahh]

My husband has AD and prostate cancer. The hormone treatment he had in 2011/2012 had severe side effects so strong that I knew I would be unable to keep him at home. We stopped the treatment against consultants wishes.

Now he is classed as terminally ill with prostate cancer and we have both accepted that.

He was given 12 months tolive last September, but is only now beginning to show any signs of it.

He still manages a walk each day even though he has no left hip at all ( replacement did not work so was removed 6 years ago).

I know my husband is going to die from prostate cancer ( or most probably) and my plan was to care for him at home with help from Macmillan nurses. However my own health has nose dived and he is now on the waiting list for a care home which cares for dementia patients and does palliative care too.

The decision about treatment is surely between you and your husband.

Recently my husbands PSA rose to 181 and once again doctors suggest treatment. I very firmly said NO. My husband rarely knows who I am now, and does not recognise our home as his home, I do not see the point of prolonging the life he leads at the moment. He is in constant confusion and feels he is living in a foreign land ( his words).

It is our second marriage but I am lucky really as his daughter does not want to make any decisions, she just says I will go along with what ever you decide. I am not realoly sure how she truly feels, I think she is not facing reality but that is another story.

If you are sure your husband does not want the treatment, I suggest you get him to write it in a " decisions" book and dates it and signs it. This is what we do with important decisions and it really works. It helps me to continue saying no to treatment , as I know it was my husbands wishes.

Do what is right for you and your husband.

Jeannette

 

[Soobee]

It should be his decision. If you feel he does not have capacity, then it should be whoever he would most want to act on his behalf. That is probably you.

I assume he consistently says he does not want treatment, in which case he is able to show that this is his decision not altered by the fact he has dementia.