diary of a frustrated coventrian!

[Jale]

You should get poa for health while your mum is still capable - don't wait until it is too late. It doesn't have to be in force straight away but as jknight says it would be taken out of your hands if there wasn't one. We explained to mum that we were doing it to protect her and she accepted that at the time, thank god we did because things have been going downhill for her rapidly

 

[Angela57]

I would also advise that you think very carefully before living with your mum.

I lived with mine and looked after her 24/7 for 7 years before she went in a home. I was so isolated and lost all of my confidence. She constantly lied about me to family and friends who visited, even though she was forever attacking me! I had 7 yeas of hell and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Two years on since she went into a home and I'm still a shell of my former self.

Please think about your own sanity.

 

[try again]

Thanks everyone. Doctor visit went well. He has signed the finance poa. Mum does not want the health one as she thinks I'll get her euthanized I think. It's daft that she trusts strangers more than me but hey ho! Her life, her decision.
He repeated the memory test and said she was slight better (she knew it was August and remembered the three objects he point at (had to smile at the 'receptacle for liquid' aka cup).
I think her speech is slightly better and she seems a bit more relaxed so I think the folic acid may be making a little difference (or it may be standard up and down).

He confirmed the referral to the memory clinic had been made last week and said he will book her in for the scan so that the memory clinic will have the results when we go.

New dentures almost ready for her.

Was hoping to go home early but i'm stuck with her and the da&# mass on etwn. So using my time to update diary here.
My sister and niece are up Friday and going back Saturday so barring being called, I have the next 6 days to myself!

 

[Spamar]

I would hesitate for a really long time about having mum to live with you. As much as you want to be a daughter, you’ll end up a carer. I think she needs more care, if not a care home, now. People with dementia can’t or don’t learn anything new, so how is she gong to find her way round, say to church?
Plus, although Cornwall is a lovely place to live, there are a number of snags. It’s very very busy in summer, you can’t get anywhere in a hurry! There is only one main hospital unless you’re near Plymouth. I don’t think the services there are as good there as they are here, although I don’t know where you live, they might be abysmal.
Basically a long winded way of saying don’t do it unless really necessary, or you don’t mind doing some or all of the caring.

 

[Lindy50]

I would also advise that you think very carefully before living with your mum.

I lived with mine and looked after her 24/7 for 7 years before she went in a home. I was so isolated and lost all of my confidence. She constantly lied about me to family and friends who visited, even though she was forever attacking me! I had 7 yeas of hell and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Two years on since she went into a home and I'm still a shell of my former self.

Please think about your own sanity.

Such a heartfelt post @Angela57 I do hope you are gradually beginning to feel better. I know how you feel - it’s three years since Mum went to residential care. I was a wreck by then, physically and emotionally, and am only now beginning to feel anything like the old me.
Sending you (((Hugs)))
Lindy xx

 

[Lindy50]

Thanks everyone. Doctor visit went well. He has signed the finance poa. Mum does not want the health one as she thinks I'll get her euthanized I think. It's daft that she trusts strangers more than me but hey ho! Her life, her decision.
He repeated the memory test and said she was slight better (she knew it was August and remembered the three objects he point at (had to smile at the 'receptacle for liquid' aka cup).
I think her speech is slightly better and she seems a bit more relaxed so I think the folic acid may be making a little difference (or it may be standard up and down).

He confirmed the referral to the memory clinic had been made last week and said he will book her in for the scan so that the memory clinic will have the results when we go.

New dentures almost ready for her.

Was hoping to go home early but i'm stuck with her and the da&# mass on etwn. So using my time to update diary here.
My sister and niece are up Friday and going back Saturday so barring being called, I have the next 6 days to myself!

Hi @try again
Glad to hear that you had a positive experience at the GP’s. It’s good that your mum is no worse and seems to be benefiting from the folic acid.
I would agree with other posters - think very carefully indeed before moving your mum to a new area where she will be totally dependent on you.
All the best and enjoy your week.
Lindy xx

 

[Angela57]

Such a heartfelt post @Angela57 I do hope you are gradually beginning to feel better. I know how you feel - it’s three years since Mum went to residential care. I was a wreck by then, physically and emotionally, and am only now beginning to feel anything like the old me.
Sending you (((Hugs)))
Lindy xx

Thank you Lindy50

I have good and bad days, mainly bad, but am getting there slowly. I find that I have to force myself to leave my home, it's my 'safe place, if that makes any sense? I think it's due to the long term isolation with mum.

Sending hugs back, and thank you again for your kind words.

Ang

 

[Lindy50]

Thank you Lindy50

I have good and bad days, mainly bad, but am getting there slowly. I find that I have to force myself to leave my home, it's my 'safe place, if that makes any sense? I think it's due to the long term isolation with mum.

Sending hugs back, and thank you again for your kind words.

Ang

Hi @Angela57 . My home's my safe place too, I love being here and have to make myself even go out to the shops. I still don't quite feel part of society, if you see what I mean....I'm sure you do. Sounds like we're both making some progress though , even if it is slow.
Sending you more hugs.
Lindy xx

 

[RedLou]

I would also advise that you think very carefully before living with your mum.

I lived with mine and looked after her 24/7 for 7 years before she went in a home. I was so isolated and lost all of my confidence. She constantly lied about me to family and friends who visited, even though she was forever attacking me! I had 7 yeas of hell and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Two years on since she went into a home and I'm still a shell of my former self.

Please think about your own sanity.

I hope you can regain some of your confidence on this forum. That you are here trying to help others shows that you are a compassionate person and I hope that somewhere inside, you recognise you have something valuable to give. Much respect to you.

 

[Angela57]

Hi @Angela57 . My home's my safe place too, I love being here and have to make myself even go out to the shops. I still don't quite feel part of society, if you see what I mean....I'm sure you do. Sounds like we're both making some progress though , even if it is slow.
Sending you more hugs.
Lindy xx

I'm the same, struggling to feel as though I'm part of society too. Mum called me and lied about me to many people, so now I am paranoid that everyone thinks badly of me. Problem is I'm only 60 and have to work, but plucking up the courage to attend interviews is often too much to face. So I often cancel, but go sometimes and feel so sick I know I don't present myself very well. I'm coping off my savings at the moment, don't want benefits.

It's good to meet someone like you Lindy, who really understands how bad the impact can be.

Many hugs right back. Ang xx

 

[Angela57]

I hope you can regain some of your confidence on this forum. That you are here trying to help others shows that you are a compassionate person and I hope that somewhere inside, you recognise you have something valuable to give. Much respect to you.

Thank you very much RedLou for being so kind too.

Ang x

 

[Angela57]

Thanks everyone. Doctor visit went well. He has signed the finance poa. Mum does not want the health one as she thinks I'll get her euthanized I think. It's daft that she trusts strangers more than me but hey ho! Her life, her decision.
He repeated the memory test and said she was slight better (she knew it was August and remembered the three objects he point at (had to smile at the 'receptacle for liquid' aka cup).
I think her speech is slightly better and she seems a bit more relaxed so I think the folic acid may be making a little difference (or it may be standard up and down).

He confirmed the referral to the memory clinic had been made last week and said he will book her in for the scan so that the memory clinic will have the results when we go.

New dentures almost ready for her.

Was hoping to go home early but i'm stuck with her and the da&# mass on etwn. So using my time to update diary here.
My sister and niece are up Friday and going back Saturday so barring being called, I have the next 6 days to myself!

Hi try again

You seem much more positive after the GP visit with your mum. I'm glad you and mum agree on your POS.

I hope you have a fab 6 days with your sister and niece.

Take care, Ang

 

[Lindy50]

I'm the same, struggling to feel as though I'm part of society too. Mum called me and lied about me to many people, so now I am paranoid that everyone thinks badly of me. Problem is I'm only 60 and have to work, but plucking up the courage to attend interviews is often too much to face. So I often cancel, but go sometimes and feel so sick I know I don't present myself very well. I'm coping off my savings at the moment, don't want benefits.

It's good to meet someone like you Lindy, who really understands how bad the impact can be.

Many hugs right back. Ang xx

Oh Angela, @Angela57, I can't imagine people think badly of you. What I see in your posts on here is your evident empathy, compassion and good sense. You are always helpful and understanding.
I'm sorry you're having such trouble with job interviews. Have you ever had any careers counselling or similar, to help you regain confidence? In any case, I feel sure that one day the right job will come up, and that fact will be clear to both you and the interviewer.
I'm a bit older than you (68) and I gave up two rewarding and well paid jobs in order to care for mum. I initially retired at 61 from full time work, but missed it so much that I became self employed in a similar role between the ages of 62 and 65. Finally I realised that any kind of work was incompatible with the constant and unpredictable demands of the caring role, so I finished work completely, well before I otherwise would have done.
I still miss work now, but am finding it hard to commit even to voluntary work. I've just lost almost all confidence and belief in my own abilities.
However.....thinking this through is making me feel that I really should try to find something that I can do. Mum is nearly 97! Who knows how long I'll go on for? However long or short, I don't want the latter part of my life to be dominated by regrets caused by lack of confidence.
I don't think you do, either....Anyway it's good to talk as they say. I wish you well in your search for self esteem, confidence and employment. You can do it!!
Love and hugs
Lindy xx

 

[try again]

Took mum to have her ears cleaned this afternoon. Afterwards she kept saying to me in a loud voice "can you hear me better now".

I did try to explain why I was laughing and after about 10mins she said she understood.

Scan is booked a week Saturday and memory clinic in 5 weeks

Finally got her talons (aka toenails) cut in a shop round the corner.

 

[try again]

This evening I have a phone call from her.
Can I read out the list of tablets that she has as she can't remember what she needs to take when. I have a copy of the list but don't have times.
So she couldn't read the tablets to me then kept repeating the same tablet name while saying she couldn't hear what I was saying.
Knowing we were getting nowhere thankfully only a 20min drive.

I ended up sorting her boxes, throwing the loose tablets away and have taken away all her duplicate boxes as she keeps moving them around and getting more confused.
She is adamant that she has always taken two in the evening, but the recently printed list of medication does not show more than her two morning and one evening (plus the vitd chew, weekly alendronic, eye drops, nasal spray, ointment and the two recently added citalapram and folic acid).
I am under instruction not to tell anyone she is confused about her tablets (because of course she's not).

In the meantime I am now the proud minder of a good 6 months of vitamin d chewies and a months worth of a couple of other medications (and a spare pack of citalopram that I may resort to later)

 

[MaNaAk]

Oh, Try Again. You really need the health POA. If mum is hospitalised, you won't have any say in her treatment and the doctors won't talk to you about treatment or care. If she needs to move to a home, it will be the social workers deciding her needs to and choosing a placement. You will have no input.

HI! Try again!

It took me nearly a year to get dad diagnosed and I used every trick in the book. That said you will eventually need both POAs however I noticed you were going to get a doctor to sign your mum's POA and I don't know about her doctor but ours was going to charge £140. Therefore you should try to get a neighbour or a friend to sign and as for the Health POA try downloading it and start to fill it in then when it comes to the signing you could try telling a 'love' lie. This will seem strange to you because you would have been brought up to be that honesty is the best policy however that doesn't necessarily work from the point of view of us carers.

Good luck

MaNaAk

 

[try again]

Update. Took mum for her ct scan on Saturday. We were in and out in minutes. Memory clinic appointment on Oct 15th.
Today was tablet wars again. One that she had to take in morning was in her evening plastic bag. I tried explaining and she said we should go to the chemist. I took her up on this and off we trotted. At some point she has mixed up all morning with evening (and I know from counting they don't add up). The chemist suggested the dossett boxes and we left all the tablets there and I went to collect them later.
I gave her the one box and we sat down to open it and pop the empty boxes for Monday and Tuesday

9 pm and I get the call, she can't see the tablet she needs to take this evening. I talk her through and she is adamant it is not there.
Off I trot (had a couple of drinks this evening - so looks like that is now a no-no) .
Lo and behold the wretched tablet is where it should be.
We go through all sorts of emotions from annoyance, laughter and reassurance (well it is the first time she's used a box etc) and now I am back home.
The tv was broken this morning, she had decided to replace the batteries in one of the remotes and put in old ones).

There are a lot of strange people in Coventry this time of night.

 

[try again]

Mum just phoned to ask if she swallowed tonight's tablet with her mouth.
Obviously still stressing..!

 

[try again]

Update today as she is making dinner.

Sunday was my 60th birthday. It's sad that she has no recollection of this at all and I am not going to remind her.

However it is my fault that I interfered with her tablets and I did try to remind her of the events but she says I would make a good politician.
Then she can't find her brush and pan. She says she has three of them and thinks I must of tidied them away in her garden shed. I've had a quick look in the obvious (and not so) places and it's AWOL.
She now asks me if someone has been in to fix her telly as she has been able to select any station she wants.

 

[Sarasa]

@tryagain, glad you are getting things in place for you mum, and I hope the memory clinic visit goes well. Happy birthday for last Sunday. My mother is still surprisingly good about dates, even if she is very vague about a lot else.
I do sympathise with you getting it in the neck for organising things to make life better. I get that from my mum all the time. Her latest is her heating what she can only work by turning on and off as needed. No mount of explanation about timers works. Also doesn't help that I'm the wrong gender for doing practical things about the house!