Diagnosis of a relative- now what?

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by kingybell, Feb 10, 2015.

  1. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    Anyone else feeling helpless like me and my husband?
    Mum in law was diagnosed at christmas aged 56.
    The dr doesn't want it see her for another year unless her situation worsens.
    Her short term memory is less than 1 percentile of the population and she has no ability to make new memories.

    I want to plan for the future but facing problems from other family members who are selfish and want to brush everything under the carpet because it suits them. They have taken from her all her life.

    I am trying to do the following:

    -get her on correct benefit
    - sort out her extensive debt
    - prevent her losing her property
    - get her in warden controlled facility
    - sort LPA

    I am feeling alone in this and my husband is still coming to terms with his mums diagnosis where as I'm being practical. Help!

    Think I just want to let off steam and find writing therapeutic
  2. sinkhole

    sinkhole Registered User

    Jan 28, 2015
    Hi Kingybell, sorry to hear your situation is not being helped by the rest of your family.
    Can you give a bit more detail about your comment above? Is this the GP and how did he qualify this comment?
  3. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    It was the psychologist but we've had no other intervention from anyone including a gp since.

    I was hoping that after diagnosis we would be given a list of agencies to contact and people to help. Also details on what to expect longer term but we've had nothing.

    I have managed to cobble together bits and pieces from the Internet but it is becoming a full time job calling round everywhere. I thought I'd be able to go to a local job centre and sort all benefits with them instead I have to deal separately with council tax, employment and support allowance and pip. She is taking too much medication but the gp hasn't stepped in just keeps administering repeat prescriptions despite knowing her diagnosis.

    We work and haven't got lots of time to deal with these agencies constantly. I have made about 30 calls so far.
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    I have found Age UK to be very helpful about things like benefits and debt problems. They deal with anyone over 55 yrs old
  6. Carma

    Carma Registered User

    Feb 12, 2015
    Support is out there

    We also found Age Uk really helpful. They sorted out Attendance Allowance which can be £50 plus at the lower rate or £80 plus at the higher rate.They have a whole range of useful leaflets.

    Her local council housing benefits people told us that she does not have to pay ANY Council tax. It's worth contacting your local dept as I have found them very helpful. They can arrange any forms about applying for Housing Benefit.

    Social services have also been excellent about helping sort out care and ways of keeping her safe.

    We live in Worcester.

  7. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    To start you should go to one agency, Citizens Advice or Ageuk they will help you decide what needs to be done first and help with all form filling etc. Do you have mil's permission to act on her behalf, especially when it comes to her debt, a lot of utility companies may not talk to you without her permission. Maybe the first thing you should do is get a Power of Attorney in place.
  8. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013

    You are absolutely correct in the things youd like to get sorted!..its difficult when others take so long coming to terms with a diagnosis...

    I ll tell you why...feel free to pass on this experience!..
    I noticed my aunt was having trouble renembering firstly and ended up wandering and a list of other problems...my cousins wouldnt accept there was a problem..eventually it was too late...she was diagnosed with alzheimers..and needed care..
    My cousins then had to sort court of protection as was to late for lpa power if attorney!..it was so stressful...i swore id never go through that..her affairs needed sorting after years of hidden papers and appointnents......

    The point of me telling you this is that..i noticed my dad changing and so did he..eventhough everyone else wouldnt accept it....we fought hard to get a diagnosis...and eventually did..dementia with lewy bodies...
    I was determined to sort the things that protect him first..lpa wills and check his paper work out. He did it all. My mum couldnt cope with bills.
    There was a gap if paperwork of two years ..things stashed..lot of important things lost!..
    Now all is sorted and i help manage it all..my dad is taking part in alzheimers society activities..and we take each day as it comes..reassured legally hes protected...*(unless he answers phone and someones trying to talk him into buying something)

    My dad is on medication and has to go back in a year..but if ive had concerns ive rung them and insisted hes seen ...dont be fobbed off..and the year is a general observation period after diagnosis..ring if concerned as often as you need..
    Its difficult to get them to accept help and accept the things that are happening...so you say and do what you have to do what you need to (legally of course) to help your loved one.
    Best wishes

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app

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