My mum has early to mid stages of dementia. Memory loss, confusion, difficulty in following instructions. She has no idea what year/day it is. I need advice on how to broach the subject of power of attorney and discuss with her the arrangements she has made regarding a will. My mother is/was a very independent woman and things like this have never been talked about. I work full time. I'm worried about the future in relation to my work and caring for my mother. I can't afford to give up work and my mum or I don't have the means to put her in a home. I could do with some advice on caring at home and at what point will my mum need full time care. It's all a bit daunting especially when I thought my mum would live to 100. She's always been fit and active.
Diagnosis imminent
- Thread starter Fionajohnston
- Start date
Hello, @Fionajohnston , and welcome.
Maybe you could use your mum's independent nature in talking to her about the POA and Will? For example, if you start the conversation by explaining that you are drawing up a Power of Attorney, because it's so important to have control over deciding who can make decisions for you in the event that you were unable to, and suggest that she might like to do the same. Likewise with the Will. You're doing one, because you want to make sure things are done as you want. And it's actually not a bad idea anyway for any adult to have these things in place.
Maybe you could use your mum's independent nature in talking to her about the POA and Will? For example, if you start the conversation by explaining that you are drawing up a Power of Attorney, because it's so important to have control over deciding who can make decisions for you in the event that you were unable to, and suggest that she might like to do the same. Likewise with the Will. You're doing one, because you want to make sure things are done as you want. And it's actually not a bad idea anyway for any adult to have these things in place.
I agree with LadyA - your own LPA could be presented as a decision that you would like her help with, and hopefully this would result in her agreeing terms of her own LPA whilst you were at it, with luck. (everyone should have one....)
My MIL had already made a will whilst she was sound of mind, so I don't really know how you would approach that if she hasn't already made one. I believe that a will needs updating every time a "hatch, match or despatch" happens (Birth, marriage,death) but I am no legal expert.
Lots of your questions unanswered I'm afraid, but you have obviously identified LPA as one of the most important things - wish I had! It's impossible to predict how things will go for your Mum, but this forum is a really good place to ask questions, and there is a wealth of experience on here.
My MIL had already made a will whilst she was sound of mind, so I don't really know how you would approach that if she hasn't already made one. I believe that a will needs updating every time a "hatch, match or despatch" happens (Birth, marriage,death) but I am no legal expert.
Lots of your questions unanswered I'm afraid, but you have obviously identified LPA as one of the most important things - wish I had! It's impossible to predict how things will go for your Mum, but this forum is a really good place to ask questions, and there is a wealth of experience on here.
LadyAs advice is good - I used that method to get OH to do his will and POA
I dont know where you live, but if its in UK then it is not up to you to fund your mums care. Only your mums finances are taken into account and if she has less than £24,000 then the Local Authority will start to contribute (actually, this last bit may only be true in England). If you could say which country you are in then someone will be able to advise you on how to get help - which it sounds like you need.
I dont know where you live, but if its in UK then it is not up to you to fund your mums care. Only your mums finances are taken into account and if she has less than £24,000 then the Local Authority will start to contribute (actually, this last bit may only be true in England). If you could say which country you are in then someone will be able to advise you on how to get help - which it sounds like you need.
