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depression

twink

Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
265
68
Cambridgeshire UK
I've probably done this wrong, I read posts every day but don't often add them.

Anyone have any idea what I can do to help my husband with his depression please? Six days ago he started to cry and has been doing so more often than not ever since. He's sitting here crying now. He says he feels like an imbecile and a prat. I've said all the right things but of course that doesn't help. I've been to see the GP and he said to up his Amitriptyline from 10mg per day to a 25mg at 6pm and another 25mg before he goes to bed. He only started with the higher dose on Wednesday so I'll give it a week and if he hasn't stopped crying by Tuesday or Wednesday, I'll take him back to see the GP. Steve is 56 years old and has rheumatoid arthritis as well as dementia and is on 20 tablets a day and just recently he has really gone downhill quickly. We live 70 miles away from our kids and they can't visit too often so I'm a bit depressed myself but we can't show it can we. He had to give up all his hobbies as he can't use his hands really now because of the R.A. so he sits in the chair every single day and stares into space. I have no idea if this is a blip and he will come out of the depression or what. It is very tough on us all.

Twink/Sue
 

angela.robinson

Registered User
Dec 27, 2004
520
78
Hi Sue , Sorry Things Are Taking A Turn For The Worse ,steve Really Must Be Suffering , And You As Well Coping With All This ,i Dont Have Any Experience With Depression , Apart From What All Carers Feel , Hardly The Same Thing Though , I Suppose It Will Take A While For The Extra Dose Of Tablets To Kick In , I Hope You See Some Improvement Soon ,take Care , Thinking Of You , Angela
 

twink

Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
265
68
Cambridgeshire UK
Thanks Angela. My friend is a psychiatric nurse and she has spoken to him this morning and she said he really is depressed and flat. She said if the tablets haven't worked by about Wednesday, go back to the GP or ask to see his psychiatrist. He's put on loads of weight because he eats sweet stuff a lot and hardly gets out of the chair now so he's really puffed when he walks upstairs. It would be so great if we knew what would happen and when. I will have to wait and see if he comes out of this depression or stays like it for a while or what. He was always so busy, never at home, loads of different hobbies and now he can't do anything. I have a great support worker so I'll speak to her on Monday, she can't do anything I guess but she is a good listener.

Sue
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Was reading along I was wondering could you organise for your husband to go to Alzheimer's day centre. My mum stared to really life her mood when she started to go there, they have evening out that they can pick you both up so for you also ,you can meet other carers or have you tried this and your husband does not like it at mum day centre I have seen a man that’s in his 50s .

when you say
I'm a bit depressed myself but we can't show it can we.
Why not how old are your children ? Must say I use to feel like that in not wanting to tell my children how I was feeling, your may be amazed by there reaction if you are open with then with your feeling If you have grandchildren, it could be a tonic for your husband to see them If you do not have grandchildren just inviting them for a meal and your children talking o your husband may help him your never no if you don’t give it a go if you don’t mind me saying :)
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
My Mum got very depressed with her R.A. long before she had any dementia problems. She would get very frustrated that her hands were too weak and painful, for her to do things she wanted. A new drug regime might help a lot or perhaps a trip out somewhere. There are quite a few gadgets available to help people with arthritic hands. Social Services might be able to send you a catalogue or arrange for an occupational therapist to visit. Mum even had a pair of one handed pruning shears and a device that fitted on the end of a key to make it easier to open doors.
Kayla
 

twink

Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
265
68
Cambridgeshire UK
Hi Margarita, I don't mind you saying anything at all. I try not to show him that I'm depressed as it makes him feel worse and then he gets more upset and says he is a burden.

I go to carers meetings twice a month, he hasn't been to a day centre yet because he wasn't so bad, it's only this past week he has become really depressed and confused and frightened. He seemed ok one day and in floods of tears the next and has been like that for 6 days now.

He has two daughters, 32 and 30 and the elder one has said she will take him for a few days so I will be speaking to her about it. She lives on the East coast and has 3 little boys so I hope, if she will take him, he will agree to go. I have a feeling he won't because at the moment all he wants is me. My two sons are 30 and 34 and see him more than his daughters do. The youngest girl works full time in London.

I'll be speaking to my support worker on Monday and asking her if there is anywhere Steve can go. I know there is a day centre 5 miles away as my friend is a nurse there but it's only open 3 days a week and only Tuesday is dementia day apparently.

Sue
 

twink

Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
265
68
Cambridgeshire UK
Hi Kayla,

I had an occupational therapist ring me yesterday. I was told there was a 56 week waiting list when I asked for an appointment a year ago and she rang yesterday and asked if he could get up and down the stairs once a day to go to bed and if we had a shower and loo downstairs (we have) so she said ok, ring me when you have any problems!! It's Steve's hands that are the problem too. He's had his right wrist fused and is now waiting for the left one to be done.

Sue
 

Kayla

Registered User
May 14, 2006
621
Kent
My Mum's hands were her biggest problem. She couldn't lift anything up that was heavier than a bag of sugar and she lost fine control, so that she would drop an egg. I guess it must have been like trying to do things with a really thick pair of gloves. Try and get the catalogue from SS if you can. There might be a gadget or two that would help him. Until a year or so ago, Mum was quite mobile, but was hindered by her hands.
Kayla
 

twink

Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
265
68
Cambridgeshire UK
Thanks Kayla,

I will see if I can get one from SS. Our local Lloyds chemist had one and we both looked through it ages ago and he said there was nothing he needed. Cos he had me to do everything probably!! His right wrist which has been operated on is great, no pain, only problem is, he has no movement in it but he manages quite well. His left wrist is now the same as his right one was, all swollen and very painful. He's had a plaster cast made to fit which they cut up the front so he can take it off at night and that does seem to help a bit. Plus all the steroids of course. The wrist splint just hurt him more when he had it on. He is waiting to see the orthopaedic hand surgeon again at the moment but I wonder if they will operate with him having alzheimer's? They say the anaesthetic can make them worse.

This is the first morning in six he's got up and isn't crying so hopefully the amitriptyline is kicking in.

Sue
 

DickG

Registered User
Feb 26, 2006
558
84
Stow-on-the-Wold
Hi Sue

"I'm a bit depressed myself but we can't show it can we" - oh yes we can, in fact I would go as far as saying we must. I have been down this road and I know that a carer's mental health is of paramount importance if we are to carry on careing.

Please look after yourself.

I hope that your other problems are sorted out but I felt that it was important that I pointed out how vital it is for you to remain healthy, both physically and mentally.

Hugs

Dick
 

twink

Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
265
68
Cambridgeshire UK
Thank you Dick. I suppose we have to show we are depressed to the right people? I have taken Prozac for the past 8 years or so, that's not to say I'm permanently depressed but I started on them when our grandson died 8 years ago and then my marriage wasn't good, then my Dad was ill and died and there just hasn't been a good time to come off them.

I think I'm ok physically. He hasn't been too bad until this depression set in and I've found this quite draining so I now realize we have to be on top form to care for them when times aren't so good. I hope I'm as strong as I thought I was!!

Love Sue