Anyway, does anyone else do this, try to place themselves in that bad dementia past and try to visualise how bad it was. I try because it makes a little sense of why Bridget went into the home. But, of course, now she’s not here with me and I’m missing her like mad, l see the past through rosy glasses. Grief of our kind, anticipating and final grief, really messes with our minds.
Ive bought nearly every book going on grief, looking for that paragraph or sentence that might make a difference, some insight that let’s me make sense of this and give me some peace. If you’ve found anything please let me know
Peterxx
Hi Peter, Not posted for a long time but I log in almost daily. Not sure if you remember me but my husband and your Bridget entered C.H around the same time.You and I followed a parallel path for a while.
Sadly George's time in care was very different to Bridget's. He never settled to accept his fate and it was dreadfully distressfull for him and me. Those weeks nearly distroyed me ,watching him forever in escape mode , fighting the etablishment , falls, dellusions, infections, challenging behaviour, numerous trips to A+E etc.Awful! Awful ! Thinking about it makes me cry.
Sadly and dare i say thankfully he was released from this hell on the last day of March this year.
My grief is profound. I just cannot put my sadness into words. George is not suffering anymore. I am told 'You' have great memories. I do.. but you know what, at this time I get no comfort from my memories I just get tearful and sad at them because George is not here to share with me.
When you say 'The bad dementia past' I understand what you mean. I have these memories also.I know a 100% that the CH route was the last of my options I never planned for it or wanted it,ever. As for most of us the daily and nightly events determine our path ,it is not by choice.
From your post's I get the feeling that Bridget is looked after well , that she is calm and settled within her world. I truly believe the love for you is deep within her, as your love for her is deep within you.
Dementia does many awful things to our loved ones but I truly believe that it cannot diminish that flame of love for a life long partner ,it just gets buried under all the rubbish ,confusion,+ fog that dementia brings to the human mind. Her love for you is there deep down it just can't find away out.If the tables were turned and it was you in Bridget's shoes, I am sure you would not want Bridget to be torturing herself every hour about things she could not change no matter how much she wanted too. If possible you would wish her strength and determination to keep well, so as to cope with the situation at hand.
A long and loving marriage will endure all things.
We have to live with this sorrow and grief with the dementia and beyond.
It can not make us so weak that we disappear under it.
IF WE DO DEMENTIA WINS .....A DOUBLE WHAMMY!!
DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN.