I feel your pain like so many others,words can’t describe this feeling of quilt,sadness loss ,loneliness and more. I phoned the care home to arrange a weekly 15 minute visit outside the window,and was asked if it was really necessary as we are in lock down? How can you love and be with someone for 37 years and just move on? MH has deteriorated so much with his dementia he can’t speak and I feel the need to see him while he is still alive. One day at a time!!