Something else has set me off and i’ve dissolved into tears again. It’s Saturday lunchtime and it’s quiet and i’m alone.
I still acutely believe I drove my Bridget away with my ongoing selfishness and being a self centred person, that i’m convinced that has been my basic personality. Why am i like this and I alway think i’ve been like this and now i’ve lost my Bridget for ever. I’m an only child ... does that have any bearing, i don’t know, but i’m not that bad am i? ....i just can’t seem to come to terms with anything.
Yes she has dementia but I can’t help thinking that just thinking of myself somehow made matters a lot worse. And now i’m paying the price. Bridget hardly ever felt she came first, always thinking of others, helping out, big family person, but me on the other hand mostly felt for my own wants. It seems that way.
Can this type of thing drive another away? It certainly can in normal relationships but can it magnify and increase the chances of dementia and Bridget’s need to escape the house and me. You see, i just don’t know for sure and not being sure one way or the other makes me very unhappy.
Once again thanks for listening

Peter