@Pusskins and @blackmortimer, both posts so positive, so good to read.
We had been married 40 years, 40 good years followed by 11 years living with Alzheimer’s. My husband died just over 5 years ago and the decision was to add memories to the good years or continue the misery of the last 11. So five years down the line and I have added to the 40 years and those other 11 years are pushed well back. They will never be forgotten but they don’t take centre stage.
Nomadland - just seen it - I was one of three people in the cinema. Fantastic film on love and loss and living on. The great universals. Many of the ‘cast’ actually playing themselves. We are not alone.It's interesting that you raise this topic, @Pusskins , because it's a position I used to take quite a lot - thinking as the spanner in the human works, so to speak - and I still agree that thinking about the future is not only pointless, because it's unknown and in many ways unknowable, so I have stopped doing it particularly where Margaret is concerned. She's well looked after (better than I ever did) and seems content. So I've stopped looking beyond that. On the other hand, I have come to realise that thinking about the past, of the many happy moments I've enjoyed, Margaret's witty and animated conversation, her favourite quotations, as the song goes "they can't take that away from me". That's how I've learned to rise above the misery that dementia brings us all and it helps. I no longer waste time imagining a future that can't be known. After all, I might die tomorrow and then it's our children who will have to attend to Margaret's needs. So today I'll remember the happy times. I refuse to torment myself by believing they will ever return, but as long as they're in my memory it's the next best thing.