Dealing with the early signs

[Ellemay]

My husband is approaching 80. For the last 2 - 3 years he's been immobile. He cannot walk. His knees are worn out and refuses to see the GP about anything. He gets around slowly indoors using a zimmer. He has a needle phobia. His sight is deteriorating because he won't go to hospital to have it sorted and he's stopped taking blood pressure tablets which would reduce the speed of loss. He is showing early signs of dementia, can't remember what to do, losing thread of conversations. He sits all day in a room - no TV or radio, doing nothing because he doesn't want to do anything and is going down hill. I usually have to help him get washed and dressed. His mood changes with the wind. Yesterday he woke up angry - wouldn't get up at all. Eventually got himself up and appeared at 5 o'clock. He refused all food and drink all day and went off to bed 10 ish. This morning has been a repeat performance. I don't know how to deal with it any more. I'm leaving him alone till him temper subsides as trying to get him to do anything is a waste of time but have no idea how long that may be.

 

[canary]

Hello @Ellemay and welcome to Talking Point.

Getting people with dementia to do anything can quite often be difficult, but usually when they just want to sit all day and do nothing, this is at mid-stage dementia. I wonder if your husband is actually further on in his dementia than you realise?

The not eating and drinking is a concern. As it is something that has suddenly appeared I wonder whether he has an infection of some sort.
If he is still not drinking I would recommend that you dial 111 as he will be very dehydrated and even more confused. He may need a hospital admission.

 

[Veritas]

@Ellemay I think a medical review soon would be wise. Apart from the possibility of an infection, it also occurs to me that your husband might be depressed. I'm not clear from what you've said whether dementia has been formally diagnosed, but if not it would be worth asking for a proper assessment so that you can get some idea of what you're dealing with, and possibly get access to more appropriate support.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @Ellemay welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about your husband, it sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment, do you have any help and support from relatives or carers? The advice already posted about seeking medical advice for your husband is good, so I hope that you have managed to speak to either your husband's GP or called 111 so that he can get checked over to rule out any infection or other health problem. This is a friendly and supportive place so please keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.

 

[Ellemay]

Thank you for your responses. I'm afraid he will not see or talk to our GPs or any other medic. They won't deal with me as he wouldn't sign a form allowing them to - said I would say the wrong thing. I'm afraid at times I hope he hurts himself when he falls so medical help is required. An awful thing to say but I really don't see any other way of him seeing anyone! He has hardly been out of the house for over 2 years. Won't use a wheelchair as he doesn't want anyone he knows to see him in it . It's difficult to know which way to go at times.

 

[Veritas]

Thank you for your responses. I'm afraid he will not see or talk to our GPs or any other medic. They won't deal with me as he wouldn't sign a form allowing them to - said I would say the wrong thing. I'm afraid at times I hope he hurts himself when he falls so medical help is required. An awful thing to say but I really don't see any other way of him seeing anyone! He has hardly been out of the house for over 2 years. Won't use a wheelchair as he doesn't want anyone he knows to see him in it . It's difficult to know which way to go at times.

How very difficult for you. I don’t think it’s acceptable for the GPs not to be willing to talk to you. I’d suggest writing to them telling them exactly what you’ve told us, and asking whether they really are willing to wait until he (or you) hits a crisis before they’ll intervene. You can also request a Carer’s Needs Assessment from Social Services - he can’t stop you doing that, and it could be a way in to getting him into the system.

 

[Ellemay]

How very difficult for you. I don’t think it’s acceptable for the GPs not to be willing to talk to you. I’d suggest writing to them telling them exactly what you’ve told us, and asking whether they really are willing to wait until he (or you) hits a crisis before they’ll intervene. You can also request a Carer’s Needs Assessment from Social Services - he can’t stop you doing that, and it could be a way in to getting him into the system.

Thank you for that - I think it's time to give it a go.