My father who is probably in stage 6 of dementia has just been moved to a care home by my mother and I. I live in England but they are in Scotland so the laws are different. My purpose in joining this forum is mainly to provide practical advice, based on my own experience, but also to share some of his behaviours so others can relate to them and not feel they are alone, as my mother did until I researched the illness.
My father probably started sundowning in Sep 12. He became verbally very aggressive towards my mother, for example trying to have her ejected from their (joint) home as he believed her to be a scrounger of some kind who was living there against his will and not paying the bills. He threatened to call the Police and have her ejected for occupying his home.
They say there are elements of their 'waking life', as I call it, that come through with dementia - almost as though their true personality traits are grossly exaggerated. I can see this in my father. He was always worried that people were trying to take his money off him in some way - and the ultimate distress for my mother was to be accused of this - and worse, she feared he would physically throw her out of her own home. She is in her 80s and was scared. I was scared.
Some 4 months ago (Apr 12) he first left the home (wandering as they call it) to return to his mother's (who died 35 years ago). He spoke several time daily of his (dead) mother. He was convinced she owned my parents' marital home - that she paid the bills. Of course this was nonsense but he would not believe otherwise. He believed my mother was making him ill and that my mother was the one who was ill.
He progressed from threatening to leaving the home, to actually leaving the home. At first he didn't go far and we weren't so concerned but then he was found on the motorway and hitched a lift with a complete stranger to a town about 40 minutes away. The Police have been brilliant and retrieved him several times.
Sadly the disease progresses - things will not get better - so it is important to get Power of Attorney - both Financial AND Welfare in place now. It seems daunting if you don't know how, but you can do it yourself and if you want guidance on the Scottish process I can tell you what I did. It was a relief to have that already in place when the time came to activate it.
My father probably started sundowning in Sep 12. He became verbally very aggressive towards my mother, for example trying to have her ejected from their (joint) home as he believed her to be a scrounger of some kind who was living there against his will and not paying the bills. He threatened to call the Police and have her ejected for occupying his home.
They say there are elements of their 'waking life', as I call it, that come through with dementia - almost as though their true personality traits are grossly exaggerated. I can see this in my father. He was always worried that people were trying to take his money off him in some way - and the ultimate distress for my mother was to be accused of this - and worse, she feared he would physically throw her out of her own home. She is in her 80s and was scared. I was scared.
Some 4 months ago (Apr 12) he first left the home (wandering as they call it) to return to his mother's (who died 35 years ago). He spoke several time daily of his (dead) mother. He was convinced she owned my parents' marital home - that she paid the bills. Of course this was nonsense but he would not believe otherwise. He believed my mother was making him ill and that my mother was the one who was ill.
He progressed from threatening to leaving the home, to actually leaving the home. At first he didn't go far and we weren't so concerned but then he was found on the motorway and hitched a lift with a complete stranger to a town about 40 minutes away. The Police have been brilliant and retrieved him several times.
Sadly the disease progresses - things will not get better - so it is important to get Power of Attorney - both Financial AND Welfare in place now. It seems daunting if you don't know how, but you can do it yourself and if you want guidance on the Scottish process I can tell you what I did. It was a relief to have that already in place when the time came to activate it.
