My wife (59) has her first Day Centre session in 2 weeks time. She will be mixing with other patients much older than her. She seems very positive about it at present but I am expecting the worse. Any advice please would be appreciated
it can be difficult, but try not to pre-judge. sometimes things can work out, but best to be prepared either way.
My Jan [originally from Neath] tried a day centre [in Hampshire]when she was your wife's age.
Sylvia speaks wisely, try the 'helping the older folks' line if you need to. It worked briefly for Jan - 1 visit actually - but each person is different from any other, so it may work longer for your wife.
In the place we tried, there was a load of older people - mostly women. They were in their late 70s and 80s. Jan wondered what the heck was going on. She wasn't into throwing fluffy balls around. The first visit I stayed the whole time with her, hoping she might settle. On the other 2 visits I sneaked out while the staff diverted her attention, and spent the duration unable to do anything at all, just fretting about her and feeling guilty.
After 3 visits we were banned anyway because Jan, being a young onset person, was so mad at being stuffed in with so many old people that she simply ran amok.
We also tried the local Alzheimer's Society centre. That also was okay as long as I sat alongside her and held her hand all of the time. Which was not quite the idea.
Your wife is very positive and that is good. Just treat it all as if it is perfectly normal, and judge the situation as it happens. It might work well for you - I certainly hope so.
HI David, my husband is only 59 and was very anxious about going to the day centre because it is part of Help The Aged group,but it was throughly explained to us that nowhere else was available,we went for a visit and the staff were fantastic with my husband, at first he would stay in the [quiet room] but on his second week there he began to mix more and he has made some new friends,although he has only been there a short time i feel more at ease with myself now as i know he is safe and very well looked after,again i think we are lucky with our centre but it must be hard for some people to adjust,have you a cpn who could talk things over with you.I wish you all the very best.Dedicated Doe.
Hello davidw, i hope you do not mind me earwigging this one, as i am trying to get Susan into a day care centre. I am not trying very hard tho desperately would like (need) more help. She is also 59, and I am concerned that she will not get-on, but I sometimes feel that "more going on" and attention will occupy Susan better and may stimulate her mind. She does not have the ability to do anything, difficultly to sit down, feed herself, will struggle with a drink (needs a straw & help) but how are these places regarding toilet ? Susan is sometimes ok but needs help and instruction everytime and I'm not sure how she will accept another person instructing her, being present.
Another positive update from me!! My wife has been 3 times to the Day Care centre under the guise of going there to help the older patients. After some uncertainty and reluctance she has begun to really enjoy it and came out absolutely beaming today and very happy.
I was less happy because I had no excuse not to go to Tesco and do the ironing!!
Cris for what it is worth to you it was my wife's Consultant who suggested that she went to the Day Centre. I had not realised it was an option because of her relatively young age. If you have not done it yet I wonder if you should try a direct approach to the Consultant,maybe by email,rather than at the next consultation. You should be able to get the email address. If you think any of this worthwhile but have trouble getting the email address come back to me and I might be able to help
Hi David, Sylvia.
The local Alz Soc is advising, and our GP is writing this letter of referal that is needed. Soc Services have contacted me, so it seems things are in hand. What & when the out-come happens we will see.
I have not posted for a long time mostly because a lot has happenned both to my wife's condition and also to her care.
Firstly about 9 months ago her condition deteriorated very rapidly with the main manifestation that she would not let me do anything for her. This really forced my hand and with great reluctance I agreed that she should be cared for in a NH.
If one can be lucky in these circumstances then I was lucky. A new NH was opening about 30 miles away with a dedicated unit for the young with dementia. The NHS agreed,very quickly,to pick up the bill and my wife was admitted a few months ago.
The care has been excellent and stimulating for my wife. Obviously her condition continues to decline but she is very well cared for and happy. With the help of daughters and 2 or 3 great friends she gets visitors every day and the NH have even got her swimming again.
So whilst the future can at times look bleak when I am sitting with my wife,with our faithful hound at our feet,and I am reading to her one of her favourite books it does not seem so bad
I often wonder where people go, or what has happened, when they stop posting.
I`m sorry your wife deteriorated so rapidly but very pleased you were able to find such a good NH.
Younger people with dementia are so neglected, there `s hardly any good provision for them, so your post is almost refreshing.
Take care xx
David my husband did'nt like it,but after the first few times
he made friends and is very happy there,it gives me a rest and i can cope better when he comes home.
they are great with him.
i do hope your wife settles down at the centre for you.
With Early Onset No Use At All,its Just A Get Out!!
Hello, I Will Keep My Caps On As Anyone With A Mental Illness.. Needs 121 All The Time,until They Are Acostommed To Anywhere Never Mind All The New Faces That They Have To Put There Already Familirised With There Surrundinds Never Mind The New !! Faces,so Day Centres For Mental Illness Is Just Really A Get Out,and Should Never Be Used For Anyone Thats In That Position
As My Wife Was Diagnosed At An Early Age Of Just 54,the Local Social Work Dept..recommended For Her To Go To A Day Center,me Knowing My Wifes Personality Knew From The Outset That She Would Not!! Like That,and Within An Hour Of Her Going,we Had A Call Saying That She Could Not Settle,and Could We Come And Pick Her Up...
Day Centres Have A Place.. But Not Anyone Who Has A Mental Illness
I'm very sorry it didn't work out for your wife - it's not for everyone: I know Bruce's wife Jan went once and refused to go again. I think it's particularly difficult for early onset since inevitably, most people will be older. Some people have had success with the concept of going to help the older people but that won't work for everyone. However, I don't think you can make global statements about everyone. I also don't like to see AD referred to as a mental disease but that's probably a personal bete noire.
Admittedly day care places are few and far between for younger people with dementia, and will never suit all, but in Lionel's case they worked and it was a blessing.
The day care centre used to try to keep just one day a week for their younger users, but as his needs for more care grew he was accommodated with others much older. Whilst he did not have mobility enough to physically help other, he could help in other ways.He attended for two years, building up to 4 days a week.
No, not for everyone, but certainly a life line for me and stimulation for him.
With Early Onset No Use At All,its Just A Get Out!!