Dads missing money

[Krissie]

Am just back from visiting my parents. Armed with lots of ideas from the good people on this forum about where he could be hiding money, when they went to lunch I locked the door after them and had a good search. I went through pockets, wardrobes, books papers, cushions under matresses.......and found not one penny!
He'd just got money from the bank before I went up there £250 which was in his wallet in the drawer. While I was there I've arranged to take over paying the cleaner, hairdresser, grocer etc. So he no longer needs to pay for anything with cash. The doctor came round when I was there and we both spoke to him about money and that he shouldn't be getting so much and keeping it in his flat.
I was at a family funeral on Friday so didn't get to see them - popped in on Saturday to tell them about the funeral and say bye. came back and last night got a phone call to say that he's only got £60 in his drawer. I'm now almost sure that someone is taking his money. Have spoken to the police - the only people who have been in the house in the last two days when Mum and Dad weren't in the room where the money was - are the homecarers - the only others who have access to the room is the wardens who have keys to every flat and can go there when they're having lunch. If I report it I have to go back up and be there when they send a police officer, because of the dementia.

 

[Chemmy]

Oh dear. This is really difficult as you don't want to accuse anyone without some evidence.

Who told you there was £60 left? Your mum?

 

[jeany123]

Oh that's awful,could you put one of those little security cameras facing the drawer that dad keeps his money,then you can get some proof of who is taking it before anyone is accused,you can get them very cheaply and they can be disguised or hidden ,


Jeany x

 

[Bodensee]

The sad thing is that our parents should not be hiding their cash like this, I had a similar experience so now all mum's money goes straight into her bank account, it is all to easy for some people to take advantage of the vunerable with dementia and it is almost impossible to prove what is going on, my suggestion would be to set a trap for the people you suspect or have your dad's money put straight into his bank and give him enough cash each week for essentials.

 

[Chemmy]

Jeany's idea has possibilities, although I think the practicalities of installing and running something like this might be difficult as you don't live near.

However....if you were to install a dummy camera and make it known to the warden/care staff that you were going to monitor it remotely (hopefully they're not too clued up on that sort of thing ) as you're concerned that your dad seems to be mislaying cash and you want to see what he's doing with it, it'd be interesting to see if the problem stopped.

If anyone is pilfering, they're not going to do it if they feel they're being watched.

 

[Izzy]

I was wondering if was legal to film an employee and I had a bit of a google. One of the websites had this paragraph:

What are my Rights?
Your employer is perfectly entitled to record your actions and conversations. The only provison is that they must have good cause for doing so. Your employer must tell you that you are being videoed – secret cameras are not legal! They are not entitled to use the footage for any purpose that infringes your right to privacy. But they can use the footage to show that you are not carrying out your job properly – in other words, it could be used against you.

It's a bit like Chemmy was saying - make it clear to the manager of the care agency that this is what you're going to do and I think you would be OK.

 

[chris53]

Just to add a thought, you could make it known that the police have been informed and that any money that your parents have, the notes have been marked and serial numbers taken! fight fire with fire am so sorry you have this added problem and do lets us know how things are going

 

[Chemmy]

If Krissie says she is installing it to monitor her parents' movements, I don't see how the warden or carers could object. She doesn't need to suggest that she suspects the staff.

And of course, if push came to shove, and there was a fuss, she only has to admit it was a dummy camera and that'd make them look pretty silly. .and I would suggest, suspicious.

 

[rajahh]

trouble is if she is only installing it to record her parents movements she would not use a dummy camera Jeannette

 

[Chemmy]

You let everyone think you're putting in a real camera ...... but if it's a dummy, you can't be accused of doing anything illegal.

We're probably getting a bit carried away here anyway - probably been watching too many James Bond movies

 

[Pottingshed50]

My thoughts are - our Mum used to hide things anywhere and everywhere and would tell the most outlandish tales about things you never knew what to believe. We never used to leave her with anything other than a fiver. As you say best to deal with everything for them. Very difficult. Hope it soon is resolved.

 

[Nebiroth]

It's also eminently possible that the notes have ended up in the rubbish bin and thrown away - or even flushed down the toilet.

These, too, must be considered to be amongst the potential hiding places.

I think the only thing you can do is to arrange with the bank to limit the amount of money being taken out. Also, consider arranging for a Power of Attorney, although it may be too late as your dad might lack "mental competence" to create one. In which case, you'd have to apply to the Court of Protection to be made a Deputy.

 

[Krissie]

Oh dear. This is really difficult as you don't want to accuse anyone without some evidence.

Who told you there was £60 left? Your mum?

Dad said there was only £60 left - because I spent so long looking for money just the day before and didn't find even a £5 note - and had also checked that the money was all there on Thursday evening - I can only think that someone has taken it.

 

[Krissie]

It's also eminently possible that the notes have ended up in the rubbish bin and thrown away - or even flushed down the toilet.

These, too, must be considered to be amongst the potential hiding places.

I think the only thing you can do is to arrange with the bank to limit the amount of money being taken out. Also, consider arranging for a Power of Attorney, although it may be too late as your dad might lack "mental competence" to create one. In which case, you'd have to apply to the Court of Protection to be made a Deputy.

We do check bins and recycle papers and the lady who cleans for them checks all their pockets before washing. I have POA but live 6 hours away - a friend gets him money from the bank.

 

[Krissie]

If Krissie says she is installing it to monitor her parents' movements, I don't see how the warden or carers could object. She doesn't need to suggest that she suspects the staff.

And of course, if push came to shove, and there was a fuss, she only has to admit it was a dummy camera and that'd make them look pretty silly. .and I would suggest, suspicious.

I'm going up again next week and will talk to the Police about cameras etc. I think this would be a good idea - if it all stops then we know the has been taken - although I don't see this leading us to find who has been taking it.

 

[Chemmy]

Dad said there was only £60 left - because I spent so long looking for money just the day before and didn't find even a £5 note - and had also checked that the money was all there on Thursday evening - I can only think that someone has taken it.

How confident are you that he counted it properly? Can your mum check?

The trouble is that if you call in the police without evidence, they're probably not going to accept your dad as a reliable witness. And there's a lot of potential for bad feelings to be generated amongst the staff.

I think Nebiroth's right - you might be better limiting the amount of cash your dad has at any one time, say to £30 or so, especially now you're picking up all the bills. If he's nothing to spend it on, why is he going to be bothered about needing more?

 

[Krissie]

Thank you everyone who has given advice - my Dad has been on the phone 8 times today saying he's not got enough money and I've taken his cheque books ( I moved them and his card to their house where he can't get to them). He seems more concerned with this than his missing money - which is good in a way because hopefully he'll not start accusing anyone. I'm just back but will have to go back up again in the next few days to try to reassure him and see the police and perhaps put a camera there. He's also saying my mother is not well - but won't put her on the phone - I suspect she's just fed up with him going on about money all the time.
Will let you know how I get on.
Thanks again

 

[jenniferpa]

How confident are you that he counted it properly? Can your mum check?

The trouble is that if you call in the police without evidence, they're probably not going to accept your dad as a reliable witness. And there's a lot of potential for bad feelings to be generated amongst the staff.

I think Nebiroth's right - you might be better limiting the amount of cash your dad has at any one time, say to £30 or so, especially now you're picking up all the bills. If he's nothing to spend it on, why is he going to be bothered about needing more?

I agree that that's probably what has got to happen but I also think that for some people having large sums of money on them is to do with making them feel safe, and has little or nothing to do with wanting to actually spend it, so I'm not at all sure Krissie's father will take kindly to having his access to cash limited in this way.

I also (like Nebiroth) think it's entirely possible that it's been flushed down the toilet either by him or even your mother (I think both your parents have dementia?)

 

[Krissie]

How confident are you that he counted it properly? Can your mum check?

The trouble is that if you call in the police without evidence, they're probably not going to accept your dad as a reliable witness. And there's a lot of potential for bad feelings to be generated amongst the staff.

I think Nebiroth's right - you might be better limiting the amount of cash your dad has at any one time, say to £30 or so, especially now you're picking up all the bills. If he's nothing to spend it on, why is he going to be bothered about needing more?

The police woman said that I'd have to be there when they speak to my parents as - as you say they are not reliable as witnesses. I'm hoping to keep it as quiet as possible so as not to cause ill feeling, but my gut instinct is that someone has been taking it and if so we're talking a lot of money. I have been trying to limit his money for some time and will definitely do so now - he'll go mad as he has a real thing about it - but he'll just have to!!

 

[Chemmy]

If it was the odd £10 or £20 going missing every so often I could sort of see the carers possibly being tempted, but for someone to blatantly nick £190 over a couple of days is surely going to raise alarm bells. Unless of course, they've got away with it for so long, they're getting blasé.

However, if the police turn up at the apartments and go in to see you and your father, I guess the gossip machine is going to be working overtime, which might in itself put the wind up any culprits.

Good luck. Let us know how you get on.