Dad

[JulesLK]

Hi Everyone

My dad has been in his excellent residential home for just short of 2 years; he's put on nearly a stone in weight over the last 9 months and is very settled. However over the last month or so I've noticed he seems to have taken a dislike to me !

It began by him trying to kick me if I stood too close and pushing my hand away. Now he won't even look at me, nor accept his favourate chocolate from me. He's quite happy to see my son, shake his hand and chatter away. I know it's the illness and I'm being silly, but I do find it upsetting.

I've spoke to the staff who have noticed his change in attitude towards women in general. I wondered if anyone else had come across this and/or any advice on the best way to handle it?

Thank you
Jules

 

[Onlyme]

Does he think you are someone else? Are you the age that his aunt/sister/teacher was etc? Mum thinks she is very young so I must be her mother. Try asking others in the family if there was a woman in his life that he wasn't taken with as that is probably who he thinks you are.

I hope he changes again soon and forgets this stage.

 

[sue38]

Hi Jules,

My dad would occasionally show intense dislike of me, whilst my sister was flavour of the month. Another time quite the opposite. As you say, although you know it's the disease, it still hurts. The more I tried to engage with him the worse he became.

I can only suggest that you give your dad a bit of space, on the basis that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope it's just a phase.

 

[JulesLK]

Thank you so much for your messages and they did make me think.

I do wonder if he sometimes thinks I am my mum .... I look like her and actually sound like her! Due to his illness, my mum did take the brunt of his aggression and mood swings(when he went through that stage of his illness). But as I am his only child and with my mum dying in August 2008, if I and occasionally my son didn't go, then he wouldn't have any visitors at all. The rest of the family want to remember him as he was ... laughing, joking and generally playing the fool.

He's my dad and I love him ... but I have decided that I will not visit so often and when I do only stay for a short time, just to make sure he's well and has everything he needs.

Jules

 

[together]

So sorry for you, it makes it so difficult i know. My Mum is agressive to me but I know it is when I 'become' one of her bridesmaids (Dad has no idea why this should be - there is no logic to it at all). It happens when I visit and i have even resorted to taking spare clothes to change into to try and lose my false persona! It didnt work tho. Have been trying to notice if there is a trigger to my change but not spotted one yet. Sorry I can't be of more help, all i can say is i sympathise.