Dad now on dementia ward - any advice appreciated

[Hevlew123]

Hello - I have 'lurked' on this forum for a good few months and have learned a great deal about Alzheimers and dementia which I have been able to pass onto my Mum in her carer's role for my Dad, so I thank many of you for that!

My 75 year old Dad has Alzheimers and Vascular dementia which has been slowly getting worse over the past 5 years. Through information on this website and forum, I have helped Mum to apply for Power of Attorney and to claim Attendance Allowance - practical matters which have made her day to day life a bit easier - but which advice she was not offered through regular channels. I think you all deserve to know how much you have helped in both an emotional way and a practical way over the past few years.

Dad's dementia has been in decline recently with a couple of occasions where he wandered off and the police had to be called to help locate him (luckily no disasters!). I'm sure many of you are familiar with the 'wanting to go home' scenario which is what has led to the wandering... Mum has had to keep all doors and large windows closed and locked in this hot weather as he was trying to escape literally ALL the time and last Sunday his frustration boiled over to the degree that he was extremely agitated and violent. Mum had to call the police (she called myself and my brother afterwards). The police were marvelous and told her she did the right thing and after taking Dad out for a car ride (to go 'home') my brother helped Mum to settle him down a bit.

After a restless night and a very stressful morning, with Dad still trying to escape at every opportunity, Mum called the doctor Monday morning and he attended them at home about lunchtime shortly after I arrived. Although new to our area (Hampshire) he tried to get Dad a bed in hospital as he had a slight chest infection and was rather dehydrated. No joy on the bed, so we were sent off to get anti-biotics and left with instructions to get him to drink as much as possible (a feat which sounds a lot easier than it is...!). The doctor came back on Tuesday morning and Dad was much worse and generally being aggressive to everyone in a total sense of confusion. (My Dad has always been the most lovely, kind, gentle man so to see him this way is totally heartbreaking).

Trying to cut a very long story short, Dad was admitted to the medical assessment ward of our local hospital on Tuesday afternoon. After three days of running the staff ragged and having to be sedated at night to keep him from leaving, he has now been moved to a smaller hospital with a specialist dementia ward. They have started him on new medication and want to monitor any potential side effects before deciding where we go from here. Mum visited him this afternoon and I am going with her tomorrow afternoon but after speaking to her on the phone this evening I am seeking advice on what questions we should ask (if any?) or if anyone has any advice on how to cope with this situation?

Mum has warned me that the ward is extremely depressing with all the poor souls in the same state of wandering and confusion. I've been worrying all evening about what I'm going to find tomorrow - Mum says Dad is really not himself and spoke about the 'zombies' wandering about the ward. Any advice on how to cope? All the patients have their own rooms and a communal TV room but Mum found it very hard to cope. I need to support her but also be prepared? I may be worrying more than necessary and cope ok, but I don't want to go to pieces - except in private later!! Is it normal for patients in this situation to be drugged more then you would expect? Mum says it's obvious Dad has been given something but being a Sunday a doctor wasn't available to talk to and Mum can't remember the name of his new medication.

We really don't know what the future holds at the moment so any and all support or advice would be gratefully received. As families go, we have a good support network with my older sister, myself and husband, and my younger brother all totally involved and able to help. Reading some of your stories, we don't really have a lot to moan about as I know some of you are facing horrendously difficult times but I guess we can all do with outside support at our low times.

Thanks in advance for any advice.
xx

 

[Butter]

You have one amazing Mum and I am so sorry for her and your dad's suffering. If your mum is like me, she will really need you: you will be an incredible help and support.

I don't know if you have much experience of hospital visiting, but I suggest you take along a few things for your dad. You will know his favourites. Sweets? A newspaper? His jumper? And treat it like any other hospital visit.

You don't need to hurry things along. My mum was in for 8 months until she was stabilised. (It is my husband who is ill now.)

I wish you well - I hope you continue to find this website helpful. And stick by your mum. She's lucky to have you.

 

[Hevlew123]

Thank you for your reply Butter. I visited Dad this afternoon with Mum and it wasn't as bad as I was imagining! Mum said he was much brighter today and the nurse with him said she has noticed such a difference since he was admitted to them on Friday. She explained that quite often in a regular, unsecured medical ward, dementia patients are quite heavily sedated and that the sedation can take a few days to work out of their system. Dad was really quite chatty - not always making sense but that doesn't matter! He flipped from knowing Mum and I to thinking that Mum was his Mother and I was his sister but this is quite normal for him now.

I was actually impressed by at the level of care and compassion shown by the staff. They have one-to-one nursing and although there were patients wandering in various levels of confusion, they were all clean, dressed and encouraged in whatever they were doing at the time - or 'encouraged' towards a different activity if necessary!

He has been started on an anti-psychotic medication and will stay on the ward for assessment for at least a few weeks. The nurse told us today that normally the patients stay for 6-8 weeks. It all depends on how he is as to whether he will be coming home or not - but we are trying to be positive for now. After only a couple of days on the ward he already seems calmer and didn't make too much fuss when we left. This time last week I would have said that would be impossible!

Thank you for your kind words and support - it means a lot. I'm sorry to hear you are having to go through this dreadful process again. My Mum would totally understand as her Dad also suffered with dementia - I think she would say that this is worse...

Take care x

 

[ald64]

Thank you for your reply Butter. I visited Dad this afternoon with Mum and it wasn't as bad as I was imagining! Mum said he was much brighter today and the nurse with him said she has noticed such a difference since he was admitted to them on Friday. She explained that quite often in a regular, unsecured medical ward, dementia patients are quite heavily sedated and that the sedation can take a few days to work out of their system. Dad was really quite chatty - not always making sense but that doesn't matter! He flipped from knowing Mum and I to thinking that Mum was his Mother and I was his sister but this is quite normal for him now.

I was actually impressed by at the level of care and compassion shown by the staff. They have one-to-one nursing and although there were patients wandering in various levels of confusion, they were all clean, dressed and encouraged in whatever they were doing at the time - or 'encouraged' towards a different activity if necessary!

He has been started on an anti-psychotic medication and will stay on the ward for assessment for at least a few weeks. The nurse told us today that normally the patients stay for 6-8 weeks. It all depends on how he is as to whether he will be coming home or not - but we are trying to be positive for now. After only a couple of days on the ward he already seems calmer and didn't make too much fuss when we left. This time last week I would have said that would be impossible!

Thank you for your kind words and support - it means a lot. I'm sorry to hear you are having to go through this dreadful process again. My Mum would totally understand as her Dad also suffered with dementia - I think she would say that this is worse...

Take care x

I know what you mean by the car journey idea my father entered the ''I am not in my own home ''stage and the last few weeks I have had to go on these car journeys every evening around country lanes .He has also become aggressive with visitors such as postman or carers .I guess I am entering middle stage territory.I have flagged up his change in behaviour with the GP but it has only resulted in vitamin B injections.

 

[Shash7677]

Hi, I'm so glad you had a good visit. My mum was in a psychiatric assessment unit for 7 weeks, there were very few patients and they too had their own room and communal area. I think sometimes we prepare ourselves for the very worst, one flew over the cuckoos nest always springs to mind but most aren't so bad.

Hope that dad continues on the right path and the good visits carry on.

Take care
Sharon

 

[Dikimiki]

Be wary

Of the anti psychotic drugs as they usually turn the patient into a very passive zombie who is increasingly oblivious to hus/her actual condition and circumstances. My now deceased wife was placed on, and kept on, Risperidone and what a disaster that was. (See my old comments about that drug).

 

[Hevlew123]

Of the anti psychotic drugs as they usually turn the patient into a very passive zombie who is increasingly oblivious to hus/her actual condition and circumstances. My now deceased wife was placed on, and kept on, Risperidone and what a disaster that was. (See my old comments about that drug).

Thanks for the warning - I'll try to find your past comments about it and have a read. The doctor has asked Mum to see him next Monday to discuss Dad's treatment. I'll be with her so I'll make sure to go armed with lots of questions. I've read some info about Risperidone on this website and it says best to only use for 12 weeks or less due to potential issues and side effects so that's certainly something to be aware of! It's all such a mine field isn't it? x

 

[Hevlew123]

I know what you mean by the car journey idea my father entered the ''I am not in my own home ''stage and the last few weeks I have had to go on these car journeys every evening around country lanes .He has also become aggressive with visitors such as postman or carers .I guess I am entering middle stage territory.I have flagged up his change in behaviour with the GP but it has only resulted in vitamin B injections.

It's very hard isn't it? Dad does not recognise his home at all any more and he's lived there with Mum for 55 years! He also built the house (he's a former bricklayer) which may explain why he thinks it's somewhere he's working and has to leave to get home! Once taken out in the car though he will happily direct (kind of ) whoever is driving back to his house and will say 'that's right - that's where I live'! 10 minutes later though it all starts again...

It has taken three police visits (one where Dad escaped and got thoroughly lost - discovered 5 miles away from home after 4 hours, and two where Mum had to call them as he was being aggressive and trying to smash his way out through a window with his walking stick...) for the doctors and social services to take the situation seriously. I think if we had tried to deal with it all ourselves we would still be in the same situation. Even then, it was only because the doctor was at home with them when Dad was very agitated that he could see what the real issue is. If Mum took him to the doctor he was relatively fine as he nearly always is if he's out and about with things to occupy his mind. I hope you don't have to get to the same desperate state before your doctor takes you seriously.

 

[ald64]

It's very hard isn't it? Dad does not recognise his home at all any more and he's lived there with Mum for 55 years! He also built the house (he's a former bricklayer) which may explain why he thinks it's somewhere he's working and has to leave to get home! Once taken out in the car though he will happily direct (kind of ) whoever is driving back to his house and will say 'that's right - that's where I live'! 10 minutes later though it all starts again...

It has taken three police visits (one where Dad escaped and got thoroughly lost - discovered 5 miles away from home after 4 hours, and two where Mum had to call them as he was being aggressive and trying to smash his way out through a window with his walking stick...) for the doctors and social services to take the situation seriously. I think if we had tried to deal with it all ourselves we would still be in the same situation. Even then, it was only because the doctor was at home with them when Dad was very aggitated that he could see what the real issue is. If Mum took him to the doctor he was relatively fine as he nearly always is if he's out and about with things to occupy his mind. I hope you don't have to get to the same desperate state before your doctor takes you seriously.

My father punched a neighbour on the shoulder and people such as the neighbour are starting to tell me I am putting up with too much .I have told the GP and in time I will have to make an appointment with him.The district nurse has said I have to be present when he has the vitamin B Injections as he got agitated last time.I expect in time i will be in a similar situation to yours.