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Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Cate, Jan 3, 2008.
Sorry Cate - first thing I did was spell your name wrongly.
The upshot is you haven't failed anyone ...... you are only going to fail yourself if you keep beating yourself up about this ..... this may be a phase - it may not be - who can say for certain? - not the GP, not you, not anyone .....
You are facing a desperate unknown at the moment - it may all settle down .... in spite of you trying to almost kill yourself to change things, it may not ...... but whatever transpires - you know you have a lot of people ready to catch you honey .......
Hugs, loves and well-meaning biffs, Karen, x
Dear Cate, you haven`t failed anyone. However difficult it is to face, no-one beats Alzheimers.
whoa big sis
Oh no you haven't!!!!
Mum used to take to her bed for days......ok...after episodes like this she then stayed awake for days
Look at the positives Cate.....your mum's drinking plenty...thats good!!!
I said it before and I'll say it again.....hang in there
This is what you need right now.
Cynthia x x
Or should it read
The upshot is AZ is Wining , we Just can't beat it .
I so know what you mean when you say ‘I’m staying in bed to die’ cycle.
that so like my mother if I let her , God help us as we all know how hard letting go is .
I do admire your courage .
So am I , but what help me is Thinking of the worse ( facing it, because its going to happen ) I use to say hoping for the best , but I gave up on hope when it come to mum AZ .
So now I think of the worse just wish for the best
Thank- you for sharing I join you in CYN group ((((HUG)))) .
My fingers are also cross that your mother has a good day tomorrow xx
Dear Cate, you haven't failed at all. What you did yesterday was wonderful. You got your mum up, washed and dressed and fed, and had her sit in the lounge for a while.
So today she's exhausted, and wants to stay in bed, and we all understand that. But it certainly doesn't make yesterday a failure. Tomorrow your mum may be able to get up again for a while, or she may still be in bed. Either way, you'll be able to remember what you did for her yesterday.
I'm not in cloud-cuckoo land, John's in a similar place. And the floods of tears are also very familiar.
Try to stay strong, and keep fighting for your mum. You may not win, we all fail in the end, but it's so important to know that we did our best.
Love and caring thoughts.
I have the utmost respect for you for making the effort to have your Mum over for Christmas.
I hummed and haahed about having Mum over for Christmas Lunch but decided against it. I often feel terribly guilty that Mum hasn’t left the home for about 2 years now, but the last time she came to ours, my sister had such a bad time to get her back into the home.
I still feel that I chickened out and took the easy road, so you really should feel good about yourself, that you planned everything and the day went well. You all had a really good day and it’s something you’ve got to treasure and remember and no doubt lots of photos to look back on.
I’m sorry that your Mum hasn’t been so good recently – I know what it’s like to have a Mum who is strong willed.
Take care and please don’t blame yourself for the downward turn.
If you have failed, so have the rest of us. It is, of course our fault that our loved ones have this disease.
We have no one else to blame, as the temprement and understanding of our loved ones declines and their general well being deteriorates, so we blame ourselves.
Feelings of guilt. Still get those all the time when we know we have done our best and after we have walked the extra mile, exhausted with worry, lack of rest and weeping.
It's no use advising you not to blame yourself or stop worrying. Like the rest of us, you will still do it BUT step back now and again, when times are especially bad, and just take a look at what you have done and measure it against what it was possible to have done.
See any difference between the two? No!!! I did not expect you would.
You are making the best use of all the resources at your disposal and doing a remarkable job into the bargain.
I take pride in being able to walk alongside you and all the other carers knowing that we can hold our heads up high and tell the world "we are doing our best"
Thank you everyone for your continued support.
I have a plan; I was going to say for tomorrow, but looking at the time, its today!!
When I go to see mum I’m going to take one of her favourites, jelly and ice cream, and maybe a sticky bun or two, her diabetes is the least of my worries, if I can just tempt her to eat something.
I’m going to back off with trying to persuade her to get up for a few days more.
I have put all the lovely Christmas photographs in a frame for her, that might just cheer her up a bit.
I’m going to put her favourite film on, Gone With The Wind, and just lay on the bed with her so we can watch it together.
Love to all
I think that's a great idea, maybe your mum just needs more time to recuperate. I hope your plans went well and you were able to entice your mum to eat a little. It's good that she is drinking plenty. I hope each day brings improvement. Best Wishes Taffy.
That sounds lovely .
I was thinking yesterday about change after I posted the above , as in like your mother going to your home for christmas , just like my mother going to respite , how unsettle my mother get when she gets back from respite, as it seem to get worse as time go on .
My mother not being able to take change , people on hear agreed with that also , even thought your doctor did not , but if I also find that with my mother and change , they must be right .
she always got the hump, moaning, grumpy short temper when she gets back from day center , she getting more tried from going to day centre of late .
Now with my mother I am finding I am enjoying her company more , when she does not go to day centre , yes she lay in bed all day , sit up when she wants to . I stop worrying about it . I just sit down in same room with her enjoy a lazy day of not rushing around .
Cate, that's a wonderful plan!
I hope you and your mum have a lovely day.
I love Maggie's quote above. I was thinking something similar just the other day. We have recently moved Mum from one home to another and there has been a LOT of work! Not just the physical stuff but helping her cope with the changes and trying to guess what could be a problem.
Mum was getting more and more confused and unhappy. I finally realised that I wasn't actually spending my time WITH her but FOR her. To me it is the same thing, but to her it plainly is not. So the last few visits I've tried to spend at least a couple of hours justr "being" with her in whatever way she wants. Then I try and fit the "work" side around that. It is working - sort of!!
I do hope your time with your Mum was positive. I totally agree about the diabetes. The Care home used to watchDad like a hawk in case he ate anything not allowed. As his end grew nearer we "conspired" against them to give him some of the treats he loved. Why shouldn't they have something they like when the end is approaching anyway??
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
Thank you all for your continued kindness.
Mum sleeps most of the time; she doesn’t want to get up at all now. She is drinking only a little, and eating next to nothing, maybe half a piece of bread. She did have a couple of spoonfuls of yogurt for me, and a biscuit for my brother today.
The nursing staff continue to be wonderful to mum,they have tried to tempt her with all sorts of nice food, but to no avail. They are also a fantastic support to my brother and me.
This is all so very very hard.
Your mother sounds tired now Cate and very frail. It must be so difficult for you to watch and wait. I hope she is comfortable.
Hi Cate,sorry for the late response to your posts,am playing catch up again.I feel for you at this time in your life when you are doing the BEST anyone could do,yet you felt you had failed.NO person on this earth could have done anymore and you are commended for your strength in what you do and will continue to do for your mum.God bless you all and i hope that i can take a piece of your strength for the future.it should be bottled!
I am sorry that things are very difficult for you and your family right now.
Dear courageous Cate,
My heart goes out to you. I hope your Mum is comfortable and that you can find comfort in knowing you have done everything and more for her. May the next little while pass easily for you both. Sending you my most caring wishes for peace in your heart.
just to let you know you and yours are thought about and I hope mum's comfortable. It sounds like it, from what you describe. May the days be peaceful for you all, but I know how hard it is to sit and watch and wait when you don't know if there's going to be any kind of change any more.
Take heart from the fact that you're there with her, that you can hold her hand and talk to her, that your brother and family are there, that the staff are so fantastically supportive and that you have been doing your very best in finding such a nice and caring environment for mum in which she is being so well looked after. I know you'd much rather have her sit up and swear at you...
Thinking of you, with much love,