Cost of live in care (rural Scotland)

[jugglingmum]

Issues with my MIL have been rumbling on for some time and I've mentioned them before in passing and think I might have asked questions along this line before but can't find them.

A bit of background.

MIL is 96 with some cognitive decline (I consider dementia but others don't) walks with the aid of a stick and is frail and has had a few falls (most recent on Friday night found by carer on Sat morning). She has a carer for 2 hours in the morning 9 to 11 to get her up sort out breakfast and prep lunch. Family don't live near (We are 3.5 hours drive away and the nearest). My OH and his brother, also uk based, for historic childhood and after reasons don't want to do more than bare minimum and favour a care home. SIL is US based and has suggested a live in carer. She has a rose tinted version of life and wants mum to be happy and on her recent annual visit in May we understand promised her mum she can stay in her own home thinking live in care is the answer.

MiL is supported by 3 friends who are relatively local but have busy lives and are reaching their limit and think it is care home time. Apparently the GP is also of this opinion per one friend. The friends supporting MIL are cross with SIL for saying MIL could stay in her own home.

My OH is completely against live in care that his sister favours but is wondering what the weekly cost would be and what would be needed to facilitate this so he can advise his sister what she'd need to do.

MIL lives in a bungalow with an odd layout and a very old style bathroom. The bath is small but the small immersion doesn't provide enough water to fill it. The shower has a step and hasn't been used for years. MIL strip washes with a regular hairdresser visit for her hair. Bedrooms are unheated or have out of date heaters.

So a few questions:

What is weekly payment likely to be to someone employed direct and someone employed by an agency (I'm aware of recruitment issues and assume 2 weeks on 2 weeks off pattern )

Assume carer would need a bedroom with bed armchair TV and Wi-Fi access (house has no tv or wifi) is this the case

What duties would a carer normally do? Ie what would still need to be done by someone else. Would carer shop in own car if MIL can be left? Would cleaning be done?

OH is wondering if central heating would be needed but my guess is as long as heaters are newish ok.

Would bathroom need an upgrade?

What time would be latest for MIL to be helped to bed (evening carer not in place as bedtime is too late to find a carer and MIL doesn't consider it acceptable to change before retiring.

Thanks for reading long post and any ideas.

 

[Grannie G]

Wow! @jugglingmum

There are so many requirements for adjusting your mother in laws home and providing in house care , surely it would be much easier and less expensive to opt for residential care which could be provided almost immediately

Any alterations to the bungalow would be disruptive for your mother in law and it`s likely she will be unable to cope with the intrusion.

Your long distance sister in law is trying to rule from afar. My uncle tried to do this when my grandmother, his mother, needed care.

I’m afraid we gave him an ultimatum. If he wanted his own way for his mothers care he must come and be responsible for it.

I’m sure your mother in law would find residential care a stable environment where the family could visit and give her carefree time.

 

[Kelvin20]

Issues with my MIL have been rumbling on for some time and I've mentioned them before in passing and think I might have asked questions along this line before but can't find them.

A bit of background.

MIL is 96 with some cognitive decline (I consider dementia but others don't) walks with the aid of a stick and is frail and has had a few falls (most recent on Friday night found by carer on Sat morning). She has a carer for 2 hours in the morning 9 to 11 to get her up sort out breakfast and prep lunch. Family don't live near (We are 3.5 hours drive away and the nearest). My OH and his brother, also uk based, for historic childhood and after reasons don't want to do more than bare minimum and favour a care home. SIL is US based and has suggested a live in carer. She has a rose tinted version of life and wants mum to be happy and on her recent annual visit in May we understand promised her mum she can stay in her own home thinking live in care is the answer.

MiL is supported by 3 friends who are relatively local but have busy lives and are reaching their limit and think it is care home time. Apparently the GP is also of this opinion per one friend. The friends supporting MIL are cross with SIL for saying MIL could stay in her own home.

My OH is completely against live in care that his sister favours but is wondering what the weekly cost would be and what would be needed to facilitate this so he can advise his sister what she'd need to do.

MIL lives in a bungalow with an odd layout and a very old style bathroom. The bath is small but the small immersion doesn't provide enough water to fill it. The shower has a step and hasn't been used for years. MIL strip washes with a regular hairdresser visit for her hair. Bedrooms are unheated or have out of date heaters.

So a few questions:

What is weekly payment likely to be to someone employed direct and someone employed by an agency (I'm aware of recruitment issues and assume 2 weeks on 2 weeks off pattern )

Assume carer would need a bedroom with bed armchair TV and Wi-Fi access (house has no tv or wifi) is this the case

What duties would a carer normally do? Ie what would still need to be done by someone else. Would carer shop in own car if MIL can be left? Would cleaning be done?

OH is wondering if central heating would be needed but my guess is as long as heaters are newish ok.

Would bathroom need an upgrade?

What time would be latest for MIL to be helped to bed (evening carer not in place as bedtime is too late to find a carer and MIL doesn't consider it acceptable to change before retiring.

Thanks for reading long post and any ideas.

Hello like you I am in a fairly rural area of Scotland. My OH has fairly advanced dementia and I was going round in circles wondering what to do. I recommend contacting local social work department as they will be able to lay out all the options including different costs and benefits available and once you are in the system there is a lot of support to be had. Paying privately for carers can be expensive but help towards cost is available in Scotland. I hope you get some resolution soon as the worry can be wearing. It is a lesson too that none of us should make promises we might no be able to keep no matter how much we might want to.
sending love to you and all of the wonderful people on this site who help me keep going xx

 

[jugglingmum]

Wow! @jugglingmum

There are so many requirements for adjusting your mother in laws home and providing in house care , surely it would be much easier and less expensive to opt for residential care which could be provided almost immediately

Any alterations to the bungalow would be disruptive for your mother in law and it`s likely she will be unable to cope with the intrusion.

Your long distance sister in law is trying to rule from afar. My uncle tried to do this when my grandmother, his mother, needed care.

I’m afraid we gave him an ultimatum. If he wanted his own way for his mothers care he must come and be responsible for it.

I’m sure your mother in law would find residential care a stable environment where the family could visit and give her carefree time.

I personally think MIL needs residential care now, OH tends to tiptoe round his mum a bit, and understands the need but is struggling to take it all in (whilst grieving for my mum who was more of a mum to him). OH is acting out of duty, and nothing more.

Unfortunately I think MIL would be deemed to have capacity, and hence trying to put together a list of bullet points for SIL of obstacles to live in care as MIL is quoting SIL in that she can stay at home.

One of her friends is likely to tell SIL she needs to come and look after her if she doesn't want her to go in a care home. SIL is not a diplomat and annoyed MILs friends on recent visit.

MIL moved into her bungalow 19 years ago and didn't want to undertake alterations then as she wouldn't like the disruption. She would really struggle with bathroom alterations taking place. SIL thinks these would add value to the property if done but the whole thing is too dated for anything but a full refurb to add value and that isn't happening.

I agree that SIL needs to be given an ultimatum, but family dynamics with SIL being 10 years older than OH, make things difficult.

I'm not sure MIL would appreciate residential care at this point in time but I think it's the only way to keep her safe.

OH keeps talking about the things she can do now that she couldn't in residential care but can't see the benefits outweigh this.

Not likely to be family visits from anyone but SIL, possibly my daughter but logistics make this difficult for my daughter (and she couldn't afford it unless we paid) but OH chose not to visit this Christmas, we have only visited annually and some years OH can't face it. We do the round trip (7 hours of driving) in a day as a few hours is plenty.

That's a bit rambly, but I don't like seeing OH stressed by all this, when the mess is in part caused by his sister.

 

[jugglingmum]

Hello like you I am in a fairly rural area of Scotland. My OH has fairly advanced dementia and I was going round in circles wondering what to do. I recommend contacting local social work department as they will be able to lay out all the options including different costs and benefits available and once you are in the system there is a lot of support to be had. Paying privately for carers can be expensive but help towards cost is available in Scotland. I hope you get some resolution soon as the worry can be wearing. It is a lesson too that none of us should make promises we might no be able to keep no matter how much we might want to.
sending love to you and all of the wonderful people on this site who help me keep going xx

Thanks for your reply. OH doesn't want to put the time in needed to deal with SS and friends locally (one is a retired district nurse and one is a retired palliative care consultant) have discounted it for now as they consider MIL wouldn't engage and would be deemed to have capacity (she doesn't seem to understand her falls risk, second time in 6 months lying on the floor overnight so maybe she doesn't have capacity but suspect SS would disagree).

I'm aware of the help towards cost if SS assess and will remind OH.

 

[Grannie G]

I took responsibility for caring for my mother @jugglingmum, purely out of a sense of duty and nothing more.

My sister wanted nothing to do with her until our mother went into residential care. My sister then contacted me and asked if I would like to rent my mother's house out to protect our inheritance.

I told her I had had enough, was approaching carer breakdown and if she wanted to protect our inheritance I would willingly hand over full responsibility to her.

I didn`t hear from her again.