constant phone calls

[wendy1963]

My mums sisters husband has been diagnosed with terminal cancer,he is at home,very poorly and being cared for by mums sister, who is obviously very distraught. I had a phone call afew days ago from mums sister, begging me to try and stop mum ringing her 10 plus times a day and asking the same questions..I have since tried to talk to Mum (who obviously denies ringing her more than once a week) and have tried various ways to stop this....but nothing worked..I have resulted to erasing part of the phone number off her memo board,which i felt very guilty about doing. Despite doing that she is still ringing her..constantly!!!!I have no idea where she has the number hidden and when i ask her if i can have Pats number so i can call her, she says she doesnt have any phone numbers for her..I have tried telling her she will have an enormous phone bill and maybe she should let her sister call her once a week, with an update...This,as expected, doesnt work.I really dont know how else to stop the calls. I find it very strange that she remembers there is actually something the matter with my uncle, she doesnt remember that he has cancer, but remembers he is poorly. Its as if she focuses on something and that one thing takes over...Is that a typical symptom of the alzheimers? Its all or nothing with mum! How can i stop the calls...when i try to talk to her about it, she gets so angry with me telling me her sister is lieing and its her that rings mum.Sorry to go on.....i just dont know how to deal with this!

 

[CJinUSA]

phone machine

Perhaps your aunt might benefit from having a phone machine, so she can screen all calls. Your mother would probably start hanging up, and that might be upsetting, too, but having to be civil under such circumstances would take more than a saint's patience.

The other idea might be to opt for caller ID. If this is a mobile, then your aunt ought automatically be able to screen the call if your mother's number comes up.

Your aunt needs to know you totally get it if she refuses to answer calls from your mother. You can reassure her that you will be in touch with her if something is up with your mother and she would want to know about it.

Other option? unplug the landline, if it's a landline?

 

[Starshinegirl1]

Hi

That is so very tough.... we have some issues with that ourselves. You can try redirecting her phone... but that means someone has to go there and do it, I think your sis could block her number feels harsh but you need a solution. I also hooked up with some people at a place called build Brighton a kind of hack space for geeks who I told about my problem and they are working on a device which recognises my number and redirects it to lifeline between certain hours - not available yet but I will keep you posted failing that the only answer is for your relative to change her number. My heart goes out to you... I am now like Pavlov dog when the phone goes and I break out in a sweat! Good luck x x

 

[Noorza]

Your auntie is going to have to block her number I am afraid and then she can call your mum once a week. She doesn't want it to be ringing and disturbing her husband but at the same time other people will need to get through.

I am afraid on this one your aunt has to put her husband first. So sorry that you have so much on your plate right now.

 

[jeany123]

You can bar up to 10 numbers on the BT choose to refuse, Your Auntie is going to have to block your mothers number to stop these constant calls,
http://bt.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/8500

 

[wendy1963]

What i love about this forum, is how quickly people reply and how supportive people are...many thanks..I have been in touch with my aunt and suggested she now puts a block on her landline and her mobile phone(if thats possible) I have asked her to ring mum once a week to keep her updated..not that mum will remember she has called anyway! I am waiting for the aftermarth, as i know mum will now call me day and night asking why she cant get through to her sister..im sure like most things, she will eventually loose that obsession and move on to another, or back to the panic calls about her stairlift not working, or that the fan is still going on in the bathroom, or the tv remote isnt working...(which is usually because she tries to turn it over with the wireless telephone!!!) Oh the joys !! Thankyou once again for the support..x

 

[Nebiroth]

Sadly, you cannot stopyour mum making the calls, all you can do is apply a practical solution to stop the effects of them.

Obviously, your sister taking care of her terminally ill husband takes precedent over her role of reassuraing your mum - these calls are usually driven by some sort of anxiety on the part of the caller - therefore, all she can do is to block the calls completely, take the phone off the hook, or invest in an answering machine. The third option is likely to result in even more calls and a quickly filled up message log.

Sadly, a choice sometime shas to be made about the lesser of the two evils, and in this case, it is effectively ignoring mum's calls via the phone that is the obvious choice.

 

[Noorza]

Sadly, you cannot stopyour mum making the calls, all you can do is apply a practical solution to stop the effects of them.

Obviously, your sister taking care of her terminally ill husband takes precedent over her role of reassuraing your mum - these calls are usually driven by some sort of anxiety on the part of the caller - therefore, all she can do is to block the calls completely, take the phone off the hook, or invest in an answering machine. The third option is likely to result in even more calls and a quickly filled up message log.

Sadly, a choice sometime shas to be made about the lesser of the two evils, and in this case, it is effectively ignoring mum's calls via the phone that is the obvious choice.

Confession: I have space on my phone for ten messages, when it has got really bad with abuse I've filled up the answerphone myself, so no more messages can be left. Sometimes you do what you have to do to self protect and to recharge.