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Confussed

lillyann

Registered User
Aug 30, 2014
13
So I rang in the week to the support helpline - spoke with this amazing man for about an hour :eek: poured my heart out to him didn't expect so much emotion to come out. Anyway he sent me lots of paper work and i'm reading through all the diferent types of Dementia illnesses and found my self highlighting different signs and symtoms and my Beautiful mum seems to have a bit of everything I'm so scared right about now don't have a clue what my next move should be. I'm going to visit her tomorrow and I just feel as soon as I see her I will just break down OOOOOOOOOOOOH:mad::confused::(:p
 

Denise.w

Registered User
Aug 23, 2014
39
So I rang in the week to the support helpline - spoke with this amazing man for about an hour :eek: poured my heart out to him didn't expect so much emotion to come out. Anyway he sent me lots of paper work and i'm reading through all the diferent types of Dementia illnesses and found my self highlighting different signs and symtoms and my Beautiful mum seems to have a bit of everything I'm so scared right about now don't have a clue what my next move should be. I'm going to visit her tomorrow and I just feel as soon as I see her I will just break down OOOOOOOOOOOOH:mad::confused::(:p
Hello Lillyann,
I am sorry that you like so many of us on TP have come this point of realisation that something is really amiss. Suddenly all the odd little things that have been happening or have been said begin to build a picture. With my dad I now realise that his dementia had been masked by himself very cleverly for quite a while.
It must be a sad day for you. I guess although it will be difficult you need to talk to your mum about visiting her gp with you. I am guessing you have not done that yet?
There can be a lot of support out there, especially if you are pro-active an it sounds as though you are.
I have a memory nurse visiting through gp. He is going to support my dad. I have an appt for myself with gp, as I am struggling as full time lone carer. Dad's gp offered me an appt during her admin time to talk to me. I nearly cried with relief.
The Altzheimers Society are good, and gp recommended Age uk as well. There are local memory groups here for sufferers and carers. I have researched myself. I have also applied for attendance allowance.
It sounds like it is early days yet, you have a long road ahead, but just use all the support and resources available. There is no rush, just do what you can each day.
I would advise you to get lasting powere of attorney though for health and welfare and financial matters. I think I have left it too late.
I hope your visit to your mum goes better than you expect. Hugs
 

Pete R

Registered User
Jul 26, 2014
2,038
Staffs
Hi Lillyann, just read your blog and can see the main problem and unfortunately there is no simple answer.

My Mom refused to see her GP even though she knew something was wrong and the GP refused to act as it was Mom's choice.

Denise gives you good advise, especially regarding Power of Attorney. Whether you do that along with your Step-Dad is something to discus with him but again you can only do it with your Mum's consent.

Make sure you and your SD stay healthy so you are able to look after your Mum properly. It seems he is finding things difficult to cope with. Will he accept going to the GP and involving Social Services to help himself? That may be a way of introducing it to your Mum.

The initial refusal from them to accept your offer of help may just be pride but however much you see the need for them to have help it really is still their choice even though it causes you so much stress and pain.

I would suggest reading up on understanding the disease and how you should try and deal with it when you are with your Mum. I wish I had as it would have shaped my feelings differently and my "nightmares" may not have been so bad.:)

I posted some free e-learning yesterday and others have added different ones that helped them.

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?74490-e-Learning...

Remember your "wonderful", "beautiful" Mum is still there even though sometimes it is difficult to find and she is lucky that she has people around her that care about her so much.:)
 

halojones

Registered User
May 7, 2014
438
confused

Hi lillyann, This illness and the vulnerability of our loved ones can come as quite a shock. It is all a great emotional rollercoaster, all that we have been use to, and the way we have been living our daily lives is changed dramatically, so it is confusing, it is upsetting, its scary..Its okay to acknowledge all of this, in fact, it is all so intense and emotionally exhausting, that it is important to talk about and recognise how you are feeling and how it all affects you..Your lovely mum is very lucky to have you there for her,that you can now look after her at this time of her life, you can repay all the love and caring she gave to you..We can't change this illness but we can care, and you are special for that alone..all the carers are special...best wishes to all of you xxx