Confusion about money in shops

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Grable, May 19, 2015.

  1. Grable

    Grable Registered User

    May 19, 2015
    My mother has dementia. We're waiting for a diagnosis, but there's no question about her symptoms. She's unable to retain numbers now - she can't even remember the numbers for her own date of birth, although she can say the day and month (eg 21st January rather than 21/01). As a result, she can't remember PIN numbers - not a problem, we are going to try and get her a chip and signature card.

    The difficulty comes in shops, when she can't work out money. She opens her purse and lets the assistant take what they need. This is worrying, as I feel it leaves her vulnerable to unscrupulous shop assistants, but might also mark her out as a potential victim. Any practical ideas would be useful.

  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    Please get LPA for finance and property, then you can take over her financial affairs and make sure no one can defraud her.
  3. Optomistic

    Optomistic Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    My husband has early dementia and can get mixed up with money in shops. The other day he didnt give them enough money for an X box game but im always there with him. He doesnt go out without me now people with Alzheimers are easy targets for thieves.

    He also has problems with speech and finds it hard to say what he wants its a real handicap.
  4. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Cash only

    I had to get my mum to use cash only and take over her food shopping. she then only had little bits of shopping to do and small amounts of cash. I hid her money in her house and gave her £20 at a time.

    Beware cold callers and phone sales. My mum ended up with a £60 per month Sky tv package which I only found out about after the cooling off period. After that I took the cards away - she lost then so i just didnt replace them.

    Its very hard but there are con men in the world. I also found out she had spent £200 with a vitamin company selling her a "memory cure".

    I hope you can get some support for your Mum. Keep posting. It is a huge help.
  5. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    We're having this at the moment. We sort out all the bills and do all the shopping, but MIL still draws out all her pension every week, but also never seems to have any money. She only goes to her local shops on her own to draw her pension and maybe buy stamps or biscuits or a birthday card, (But she's always with her friend) We have no idea what's going on with all the cash but it's getting hard to pay the bills out of what's left.

    Generally when we are out with her she just expects us to handle all the paying for things, but previous to this, for about five years she always handed over £15 whether they said they needed 75p or £20, £15 was what they got. :D

    I'm so worried about how vulnerable she is to unscrupulous types.
  6. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    #6 JayGun, May 20, 2015
    Last edited: May 20, 2015
    I'm very angry with charity callers too.

    She seems to have a couple of regulars who call on the phone and ask her to send money virtually every week. Plus they send donation forms and raffle tickets etc. There were £50 worth of raffle tickets in one that I intercepted, and I bet, if I hadn't she'd have thought she had to buy them all, but wouldn't have sent the tickets back because she doesn't understand that kind of thing any more. So she would have just sent whatever she thought was enough money.

    My husband queried it with me after being asked to post letters to the British Legion every week. Maybe that's where all the cash is going? She certainly can't write a cheque any more, and she doesn't recognise denominations. And she wouldn't remember sending it so wouldn't be surprised to be asked again.
  7. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    My husband has Parkinson's and yes he doesn't go out now as finds it embarrassing talking and walking. I wish firms would teach their staff more about this disease
  8. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    Yes mater uses DOB for cards, but at weekend she asked me what her numbers were as she couldn't remember, I talked her through the cards and topic and she eventually remembered, but I don't know what to do if something happens to me who should I give the numners to?
  9. Grable

    Grable Registered User

    May 19, 2015
    Thank you everybody. My problem is that I live 200 miles away and, although she has friends, they can't always be with her. I don't want her to stop being able to go shopping, because that will isolate her further. With luck the chip and signature card will help.
  10. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    Maybe its time to search the house and get her pension paid into the bank? She wont like it but she needs protection.
  11. Isabella41

    Isabella41 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2012
    Northern Ireland
    I went through this with mum in the early days. I persuaded her to open a bank account. I had her pension paid into the one I controlled and left her with 'pin' money. It meant there was money to pay the essential bills but mum still had some control over her money. Would this work in your case?
  12. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    what I do is when I go down we draw money out, (I have checked her secret stash, so know what she has) and we take the bank what we need.
  13. edwardbs

    edwardbs Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    Lichfield Staffs
    money and forgetting

    I sound fine most of the time but sometimes use the wrong word. At least I only notice sometimes
    my dementia is odd as I am very aware of it
    money is ome of my big problems
    I get several benefits all on different days
    a small one is paid into a different account
    that is the only one that I can get at
    so I have money for food but my daughter deals with other things
    all by direct debit I would forget
    the shop that I use all know that I have problems with money and are very good
    I offer a handful and they carefully count it out
    sadly they could be talking Chinese
    but I can do this and remember lsd and play a flute and teach physics only to gcse level and only the neighbours
    don't panic about money think of transferring a little so that is all that can be touched and you get a thingy (sod lost the word) but if you don't get one you will end up paying the court of protection to administer the rest and tell the bank and get them to watch for odd transactions
    hope this helps
    dontworry your self into the grave you cant waste your life doing that
    orry the English is not quite as it should be but it is the best that I can do thes days
  14. Mafe

    Mafe Registered User

    Feb 5, 2015
    What to tell my mum

    Hello everyone, I'd need a bit of help in terms of what to tell to my mum when she notices she can't use her cards any more... She barely recognise a card from a id but when we are at the shopping centre she gets really upset and tells everybody her secret number!!! My brother and me have total control now on her accounts and all is safe.
    But we seriously don't know why to tell her in these situations as she says she is perfectly fine... So we sometimes gives her some cash do she feels she has control but we don't really know if that's ok. Her condition is severe but she still walks and talks and eat perfectly under supervision.
    Thank you for your help.
  15. MistyG

    MistyG Registered User

    May 28, 2015
    Hi, I'm new! What do you do if your parent is certain is they don't have dementia? My mum, sister and I are convinced dad has onset dementia. He is not too bad at the moment but his behaviour and personality have changed and he is extremely forgetful. He has always looked after the finances and mum is not interested/too scared to do it. If he gets really bad but still insists there's nothing wrong with him, how do we take control of his finances without him getting very angry with us? He is already accusing us of trying to control him and saying we are making things up.
  16. Bernadette2

    Bernadette2 Registered User

    Mar 13, 2015
    Just following this thread about money in shops. Our local town has been amazing, the majority of shops have all signed up to become dementia friendly, with a huge push on the streets for people to become dementia friends too ( even my 5 year old and 7 year old kids became dementia friends when the charity visited their school). I think this is great - the problem does not lie with your mum but with society's understanding and ability to support her...
  17. beverrino

    beverrino Registered User

    Jan 12, 2015
    my mum says that she hates not being in control. I try and reassure her but its difficult. she has always been good with money but now struggles to add her money up. Its a battle when she checks her purse - first she adds up any notes, then moves to coins - after which time she has forgotten how much there was in notes - and so the circle begins - adds up notes - then coins, notes, coins...... I help by reminding her and that seems to do the trick (on good days). she still shops for herself - visiting the same shops, same route, buying the same things. The shop assistants know her - so this is very reassuring. But I agree that she could be totally taken advantage of. I look after her finances - and I think she appreciates that - as my dad did so before he died. after her shopping trips she remembers none of it - its so sad.

    In response to MistyG - yes it is very difficult. it was months and months before we could convince mum to go to the memory clinic - and this was following her GP (out visiting my dad on a totally different reason) - he suggested it - and because the doctor said it - she agreed (but forgot she had agreed). Maybe if you could get your dad to visit the doctor for a check up and maybe set the wheels in motion that way?
  18. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    Her pension is paid into the bank. (I thought everybody's was?) I have a good look for cash when I'm trying to find where she's stuffed the latest pair of soiled underpants, but nothing so far. She's very fond of a bonfire, I keep thinking that maybe she's burning it?

    You're right though, we tread on eggshells all the time so as not to agitate her and send her into one of her rages but protecting her is really more important.
  19. Jiggsy

    Jiggsy Registered User

    Apr 6, 2015
    Very difficult. The law assumes that everyone has 'capacity' and it is up to doctors to show that a person with dementia doesn't. If he just won't attend the GP, you will have to see the GP yourself and explain clearly the changes you have noticed, when they began, and whether they have got worse. If the GP isn't very helpful, ask for a referral to the older adults psychiatric team. They are more used to these situations. You said he has 'onset dementia'. Did you mean 'early onset dementia' or 'onset of dementia'? People with some forms of early onset dementia have no insight into their problems, and that can also be the case for people with Alzheimer's dementia. Don't worry, this is a familiar situation for older adult psychiatry teams and they should be able to help. Your GP may say there's nothing he can do without your dad's consent, but that is not quite true if your dad does have dementia.
  20. Jiggsy

    Jiggsy Registered User

    Apr 6, 2015
    Some of the bigger shops now use contactless systems for payments under £20. You just pass your card across a card reader - no need for PINs. Bank cards that can be used with this system have a symbol on them a bit like this: )))

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