Confusion about money in shops

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Grable, May 19, 2015.

  1. Sherleigh

    Sherleigh Registered User

    May 20, 2015
    1
    POWer of Attorney

    Get this quickly and control her money Etc.. My wife went to pay for petrol and came out to me saying is this my number, for all to hear, holding her card out to all and sundry.
    Also make sure everything is above board etc.. House wills etc etc. good luck. My son had hers "in place" and ready to go.. A good tip for lots of people. Sherleigh..
     
  2. Daddygee

    Daddygee Registered User

    Jan 12, 2015
    20
    West Sussex
    Hello.I care for my wife who has parkinsons dementia,unfortunately we have had to take all her cards away from her she cannot remember pin numbers.We have now given her pocket money in cash which she is happy with we keep it topped up to £30 so she is able to go and buy things for herself but should someone take advantage of her she has not lost a lot of money.She very rarely goes out on her own so we are always monitoring her from a distance anyway.
     
  3. Nut

    Nut Registered User

    Sep 30, 2013
    35
    Norfolk
    My Mum too- money issues and diagnosis

    My brother and I were appointed LPAs jointly by my mother one year after we noticed first signs of memory loss (nearly five years ago now). We have her very best friend to thank for this (and I have, from the bottom of my hear) who told her she had done it herself, it was the sensible and intelligent thing to do- that hit the right spot! With gentle off-hand reminders from us she eventually got round to it by herself via her solicitors.

    Two years ago she went to hospital with a nasty bug (she was extremely confused and has no memory of this) and staying at her home I discovered she had signed up to 27 different charity direct debits. Three or four of them I knew she had supported for many years. I started by taking away the correspondence for the rest, phoning and making notes of each conversation requesting no more calls or mail shots. This usually happened ok. Eventually we would visit the bank with her and ask her is she REALLY wanted to support this charity? and then get her to delete one or two at a time. It has taken ages, is worrying and exhausting. We felt caught on the cusp of letting her make 'unwise' decisions. As time went by it became clearer and clearer that these 'decisions' had NOT been her choice but she had been so cleverly persuaded into signing up to more and more. The recent case of the old lady who committed suicide because she could not say no reminded us again how unscrupulous the charity fundraising sector is. Apparently there are new guidelines. I don't beat about the bush now - anything new I find on a visit I am on the phone pronto cancelling and barking 'dementia' down the phone and they back down!

    We have similar worries about people taking advantage of Mum when out and about. She does the same bus journey, same shops, same shopping, the house is filling up with unlovely stuff (lovely to her of course) and it makes us sad and worried a lot of the time. We both live 100 miles away and there is no-one closer. Any suggestion of outside help such as having a cleaner now and again is met with short shrift.

    Last year I got so worried about how often she expressed distress and anxiety about her memory problem I wrote to her GP. He faxed my letter off without a by your leave to the memory clinic, no visit from him, no call, just bang - an appointment she had not asked for herself. I had to admit I had written to her GP, and she came to visits to the clinic with me unwillingly. She was hurt, furious and felt betrayed. She only once whispered the word dementia to me so I knew she was worried sick about what was happening to her. She refused medication so no help from NHS at the moment. The period of assessment and its aftermath was so awful I ended up with anxiety and depression and 5 months off work. If my Mum now says anything about being worried about her memory I now ignore it, change the subject or say it will all be alright. Been there, done that - can't afford to collapse again. My unasked for advice to anyone thinking of following the 'get an early diagnosis' mantra from NHS is follow your gut instinct - only you know your loved one well, you know who they will react.
     
  4. Nut

    Nut Registered User

    Sep 30, 2013
    35
    Norfolk
    Get someone else to suggest LPA.

    I have just posted this elsewhere. My Mum's best friend told her she MUST take out an LPA as it is the only wise and sensible thing to do as a single person. My Mum's friend (no dementia) appointed her solicitor, my Mum, eventually, with off hand reminders from us eventually appointed my brother and I. Does your Dad have good friends/ relations who can talk to him from a totally independent viewpoint? Another way round might be for your Mum to be joint signatory on accounts. - but how to do that?!
     
  5. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,968
    Suffolk
    If you want to be a joint signatory go to the relevant bank and ask. They might want to make special appt and take relevant details with you. We did this and everything went really well. I have a card to the account as well ( no point him having one, no memory).
     
  6. Tilly56

    Tilly56 Registered User

    Oct 14, 2014
    3
    It's reassuring to know that my mother isn't the only one in denial. She absolutely will not consider the notion that she has a problem. She has no recollection of her behaviour changes, therefore they didn't happen! Her doctor 'is not worried about her' (her words). I have had to promise that I will say no more about it. This in spite of my previously loving and kind mum turning on me and spouting unprovoked and vicious words. I am losing her even though she is still with us. If only she would realise the situation she could probably be starting medication to help ease the symptoms. I have to make myself not think about her, because the worry is driving me to distraction.
     

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