Confronting leaving mum' in a nursing home.


Registered User
Jun 4, 2005
Confronting leaving mum in a nursing home.

Hi there

I'm new to this talking point. I have spent the last 2 months settling mum into a nursing home. I took a year off work to look after her when my father died last July. As a family we have worked well and having a sister who's a nurse helped. She really had to force the issue but we got mum on Ebixa and she never looked back. I attended one Alzheimer's meeting where the speaker presented Alzheimers not as a disease but a disability with at least some workable solutions. In my mother's case this experience was true and I ws fortunate to see mum lead a dignified, happy life with me at home. Unfortunately I have to go back to work away from home in September and so when a place came up in a nursing home near one of my sisters we had to move her.

The Nursing Home has a good reputation and a good standard of nursing care. Yet I can 't get past the impersonal side of the care offered. There is never any real personal contact unless its functional and there is a horrible practice of lining everyone up, production-line style and then jut leaving them all sitting there for hours with little stimulation except a tv blaring in the corner and people calling for attention often in vain.

Everytime I go there there is always something to sort out and I am terrified that when I am not there my mother will just be left sitting there. She will deteriorate and again I am convinced that it will be because she senses she's been abandoned in a corner but everyone will put it down to the advance of her Alzheimers and do nothing.

I feel so sad about the future, my mum deserves better than this but I feel overwhelmed by an inadequate system that I as an individual have to put up with. I am trying to organise finding someone to sit with my mum in the afternoons when I go back to work. Does anyone know if there is such thing as getting a sitters service for a nursing home so my mum can have some one to one stimulation when I leave.

Bye Colleen
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Registered User
Jun 2, 2005
Los Angeles, USA

I suspect you live in the U.K., and I can't advise you as to the practicalities there. But I'd like to say I think you've got a good idea of getting a one-on-one hired care-giver for perhaps a few hours a day for your mum. We've had such for both my parents at various times during their trek through assisted living situations. Sometimes it works better than others; at times my mother wanted nothing to do with the care-giver, but we had one lady for a while that she really took a shine to and enjoyed. Worth a try if you can do it.