I haven't posted recently but am now back. I have tried with help of my partners sister to get him to the doctors about his repetitiveness and other things. Sadly now his sister has told my partner that he doesn't have any issues with repetitiveness etc. My partner has also changed doctors because he says I have betrayed him by talking to the doctor about my concerns. I have also had my partner also wants to know why I did and why I believed he could have some form of dementia. He has said that I am the one with problems. This situation has put our relationship under great strain. I am now very much alone and feel that I don't know what I can do or who I can trust.
Concerned about partner
- Thread starter lvplbrian
- Start date
You probably cannot do anything if your partner and his family are in denial. If you care enough then you will stick around until it is screamingly obvious and if it is too much for you and you are financially able then you have to walk away to save yourself.
You cannot win an argument with dementia if that is what it is.
You cannot win an argument with dementia if that is what it is.
I got the same reaction from my family when I suggested there was something wrong with mum. I even went to see her doctor to talk off the record about my concerns. All of them including the doctor told me I was being over dramatic.
It eventually dawned on them that I was right and she was diagnosed with dementia about 8 years ago. Needless to say dad covered it up as much as possible until he died 5 years ago and only then did the family believe me.
I have looked after and lived with mum for the last five years without any help from the family.
Stay strong and unfortunately you will have to back off for a while. Denial is common and can be made worse by constant reminding or pointing out that they have said or done something wrong.
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It eventually dawned on them that I was right and she was diagnosed with dementia about 8 years ago. Needless to say dad covered it up as much as possible until he died 5 years ago and only then did the family believe me.
I have looked after and lived with mum for the last five years without any help from the family.
Stay strong and unfortunately you will have to back off for a while. Denial is common and can be made worse by constant reminding or pointing out that they have said or done something wrong.
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If your partner's doctor put your concerns on your partner's file then it will alert his new doctor that you suspect he has Dementia. Not that you should tell him that. I hope you can keep calm and wait, because if he has Dementia then the rest of his family will notice soon.
Take care, Carol
Take care, Carol
Try to get your partner to spend more time with his sister. It might take that for her to understand what you see and she does not. So many dementia patients are good at fooling people they see infrequently and for a short time.
My mum does a star turn for the SW every time I get them in and I look like a nutcase. Thankfully SW is a clever lady and has turned up unannounced and seen the real mum.
Suggest they go away for a day out. You might need to go too and stay quiet but it can only help. You will need his sister eventually to help so it only be a good thing.
My mum does a star turn for the SW every time I get them in and I look like a nutcase. Thankfully SW is a clever lady and has turned up unannounced and seen the real mum.
Suggest they go away for a day out. You might need to go too and stay quiet but it can only help. You will need his sister eventually to help so it only be a good thing.
Thank you
Thank you I have reached the conclusion that keeping quiet was my only course of action left to me. The way things are going I don't think it will be long before his sister and others will know what I am putting up with. The only reason I am aware of my partner is the fact that I looked after my mother for 7 yrs and she had dementia. So if you like I am fully aware after being isolated by my mothers doctor in the beginning. Eventually he realised I had a major problem and rang me and said he had concerns about her it was 4 yrs after I had highlighted the problem it was just about 3mths before she actually died. I thought with the awareness campaign that speaking to my partners doctor that it would help sadly this campaign in my eyes is a smoke and mirrors exercise. But thank you once again for what you have said rings so true with me .
Thank you I have reached the conclusion that keeping quiet was my only course of action left to me. The way things are going I don't think it will be long before his sister and others will know what I am putting up with. The only reason I am aware of my partner is the fact that I looked after my mother for 7 yrs and she had dementia. So if you like I am fully aware after being isolated by my mothers doctor in the beginning. Eventually he realised I had a major problem and rang me and said he had concerns about her it was 4 yrs after I had highlighted the problem it was just about 3mths before she actually died. I thought with the awareness campaign that speaking to my partners doctor that it would help sadly this campaign in my eyes is a smoke and mirrors exercise. But thank you once again for what you have said rings so true with me .
You have my sympathy - this is such a frustrating and at times infuriating situation to be in, watching a loved one suffer and not being able to access any of the help you are both entitled to.
Personally I'd 'go behind his back' again and write to his new GP: be specific about your concerns, give examples - bullet points are good. Explain you have experience of caring for someone with dementia and are confident that something neurological is happening, and would greatly appreciate his professional opinion. Ask if he can call your partner in under the guise of a routine health check, as he is a new patient.
Meanwhile (or, if you decide not to do that), keep a log of specific events - somewhere private where your partner wont discover it. It may be useful later to be able to give a detailed account to professionals, or family members - and it will give you something to cling to when you feel like perhaps it is *you* that is "losing your mind".
Best of luck.
Personally I'd 'go behind his back' again and write to his new GP: be specific about your concerns, give examples - bullet points are good. Explain you have experience of caring for someone with dementia and are confident that something neurological is happening, and would greatly appreciate his professional opinion. Ask if he can call your partner in under the guise of a routine health check, as he is a new patient.
Meanwhile (or, if you decide not to do that), keep a log of specific events - somewhere private where your partner wont discover it. It may be useful later to be able to give a detailed account to professionals, or family members - and it will give you something to cling to when you feel like perhaps it is *you* that is "losing your mind".
Best of luck.
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