Nell said:
I think all of us fear the thought so much (before the death occurs) that we feel paralysed by it. But when the beloved person dies, we accept that it has happened (albeit with grief) and keep on managing.
Perhaps this is more true when death has been expected or for our elderly loved ones at the end of their lives. . . .?
I've been trying to figure it out over the past three months or so and can't come to a conclusion. Nell, I think you're right...there's acceptance to an extent...I wouldn't have wanted any of my relatives to suffer any longer in the way they did.
There's also the feeling that they lived a good and happy life, enjoyed much of it, took pleasure in their families, travels, friendships, interests and hobbies. Above all, there is sheer gratitude on my behalf that I was lucky enough to have a very special aunt and uncle and grandparents in my life. My gramps died last weekend, peacefully and quietly, having reached a grand old age. They loved me, they taught me, they cared for me, they were interested, encouraging, patient. And they were there. My life was richer because they were in it, and the world was a nicer place.
It's still a nice place, and life does go on, but some days it's just so hard. The happy memories...yes, where would I be without them...
But today is a day where I just want gramps back. And nan, and my aunt and uncle, too. I want to hear their voices, see them smile, be able to ring them for a chat, have a laugh, share some stories...And this is the difficult bit: I just miss them hugely, as they were before they were ill.
Routine helps, friends help, memories help...and I appreciate them all. But...
Waffle, waffle...
Hazel, take good care. you just deal with things as they come and go. This way today, another way tomorrow. I don't think there's any right or wrong way in grief. Whatever makes you feel comfortable, and mum, is ok.
Tina