Mum and I both thought Dad was going today when he started coughing, but he's always been very strong and sometimes stubborn! He opened his eyes while we were there but they have gone a different colour, I don't think he could see us. Mum stroked his shoulder and cleaned his mouth and it is so desperately touching and heart-wrenching to watch. I haven't properly cried yet but seeing Dad like that.. just waiting.. and me wanting to hold his face in my hands, and never let it go, so that I'd never forget what he looks like... I couldn't help but well up, but then when Mum saw me, she started crying, so I stopped. It just gets harder each time we visit. This still feels like some nightmare unravelling before my eyes - (both Mum and I are having actual vivid nightmares too - I guess that's normal). Then on the drive home with Mum we were talking about going to see him afterwards. She says she will but I don't know if I can. Mum said she couldn't go to see her Dad, he died when she was just 27. She seems the strong one sometimes and I feel like a child. I know that it is nearly over but I both want it to be over, for Dad, for all of us, and yet I don't.