Hi - I'm a bit of a lurker - not posted much, but I'm very grateful for all the wisdom and tips I received here over the last couple of years.
I'd love your advice on our ongoing situation - after three years in a CH, my MIL hasn't begun to settle. She always wants to be taken "home" and the only thing that varies is her intensity of feelings on this. DH believes we shouldn't challenge her as it only causes her great distress to be told the truth, she forgets the conversation and the cycle starts again. So we tell her she's there for respite for the time being, take a day at a time, see what the dr says, make the most of being looked after, etc -along the lines of the compassionate communication link that was posted here recently, which I found really helpful.
Its his mother and I take my cue from him and I certainly don't want her (or us) to be any more distressed than she already is.
However, a dr from our next-to-useless memory clinic (long story) visited her without our knowledge about a year ago. They commented that the CH staff don't challenge mil when she says speaks about going home and we should all get her used to it being her permanent home - if we say it enough it will stick. Although we ignored the advice, its gnawed at me ever since - should we give it a whirl as our method hasn't worked? Maybe she always feels in limbo and knowing the CH is home would help her to relax? In your experience, is there a role for more brutal communication as the Dr suggested or was it another example of the memory clinic missing the mark?
Florrie
x
I'd love your advice on our ongoing situation - after three years in a CH, my MIL hasn't begun to settle. She always wants to be taken "home" and the only thing that varies is her intensity of feelings on this. DH believes we shouldn't challenge her as it only causes her great distress to be told the truth, she forgets the conversation and the cycle starts again. So we tell her she's there for respite for the time being, take a day at a time, see what the dr says, make the most of being looked after, etc -along the lines of the compassionate communication link that was posted here recently, which I found really helpful.
Its his mother and I take my cue from him and I certainly don't want her (or us) to be any more distressed than she already is.
However, a dr from our next-to-useless memory clinic (long story) visited her without our knowledge about a year ago. They commented that the CH staff don't challenge mil when she says speaks about going home and we should all get her used to it being her permanent home - if we say it enough it will stick. Although we ignored the advice, its gnawed at me ever since - should we give it a whirl as our method hasn't worked? Maybe she always feels in limbo and knowing the CH is home would help her to relax? In your experience, is there a role for more brutal communication as the Dr suggested or was it another example of the memory clinic missing the mark?
Florrie
x