Coming to terms with end of life care for my 62 y/o dad

[123is321]

Hi everyone.

After 5 seemingly long years of the EOA diagnosis, my dad is being prepared for end of life care. I live 5 hours away from him and my mum, I've been to visit them since we were told about this but I just don't think I can cope with seeing him in the state he was again. I thought I had come to terms with the diagnosis and prepared myself for this moment but I am just filled with this anger and resentment, I'm so angry at how unfair life is and trying to go to work and carry on life as normal is so hard. I feel like I've built up a wall, I've been aggressive towards my partner and intolerant with people at work, I don't feel like I have anyone who could possibly understand this feeling. I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting for the telephone call that he's passed. This disease is so cruel, wishing your father would die at the age of 23 just so he can be at peace is so unnatural.

If anyone has any insight into how to deal with this period of time, I would be so grateful.

 

[Prudence9]

I am so very sorry @123is321 , yes it is unfair, your Dad is young to have gone through this and you are young to be coping with it.

I think at some point most of us wish our PWD could die, peacefully and soon - but so they are free of the nightmare of dementia.

Have you spoken to your Mum? Perhaps one way to cope would be to go to support her, not see your Dad if you can't face it - we each deal with this situation in our own way - but you would be on hand if you change your mind and want to say goodbye.
I'm just looking in to the future really, whichever way you do it, it will be right for you.
Keep posting, it will help you to let your feelings pour out.
Not much help I know, but sending you support, love and wishing you strength, you are going through a dreadful time xxx

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to read your news @123is321. How you feel is perfectly understandable. I'm glad you shared here as members will be here to support you even though it has to be virtual support.

I wondered if it might be an idea for you to give the Helpline a call. I'm sure the advisers there would be supportive too and it sometimes helps to talk to a 'real' person as well as posting here. The number is-

0300 222 11 22

The link is - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-s...55.1769454811.1519233588-549088353.1488398070

They're open until 4pm today and from 10am to 4pm tomorrow.

 

[try again]

My dad was diagnosed with cancer when I was 8 and died when I was 24 (he was 53). After so many death scares in that time it was a relief when he finally died. However they become ill, it is hard to accept when you/they are young.

 

[Beannie]

Hi everyone.

After 5 seemingly long years of the EOA diagnosis, my dad is being prepared for end of life care. I live 5 hours away from him and my mum, I've been to visit them since we were told about this but I just don't think I can cope with seeing him in the state he was again. I thought I had come to terms with the diagnosis and prepared myself for this moment but I am just filled with this anger and resentment, I'm so angry at how unfair life is and trying to go to work and carry on life as normal is so hard. I feel like I've built up a wall, I've been aggressive towards my partner and intolerant with people at work, I don't feel like I have anyone who could possibly understand this feeling. I feel like I'm in limbo, waiting for the telephone call that he's passed. This disease is so cruel, wishing your father would die at the age of 23 just so he can be at peace is so unnatural.

If anyone has any insight into how to deal with this period of time, I would be so grateful.

Hi 123is321

I was so sorry to hear about your Dad and I would say the feelings you are having are quite understandable. My husband died on 4th March this year aged 64 after an 8 year long battle with EOA and Early Onset Parkinsons. We have a daughter who is 32 and while he was receiving end of life care after the Doctors told us there was nothing more they could do for him (he unfortunately contracted sepsis, a UTI, pneumonia and Australian flu) he went back to his Nursing Home and received the most amazing care. Each time I visited my husband I asked our Daughter if she wanted to come with me, I had previously told her it was entirely her decision and when she felt she couldn't do it anymore that was fine, no judging. In the event she visited until 2 days before he died and said she couldn't do it anymore I told her that was fine. I expect your Mum will fully understand if you have a chat with her and explain why you don't feel able to cope with seeing him like this.

You are right life is unfair but unfortunately we have to deal with the cards fate hands us. Have you tried talking to your Partner and work colleagues to explain how hard this all is for you? My Daughter and I have a strong Christian Faith and this has sustained us when we felt we couldn't go on anymore. Both of us have also had Counselling and found this to be of great benefit despite our initial misgivings. I hope you will find some peace and answers to your questions. Do let us know how things progress.