Dear friends
We said goodbye to Philip last week and, just as Helen said, it was a wonderful celebration of his life. The service was beautiful, the music was perfect, and the empathy amongst the mourners was heart-warming.
Because we had so little or no contact with his family for the last 20 years it was, in the first place, touching to see so many of his nieces come to say goodbye. Despite the long gap, there were hugs all around. None of them had met Philip since his illness, so they all had lovely memories of him as a young, energetic and interesting man: the uncle whom they bumped into in discos once he was divorced and they’d grown into young adults, the uncle who’d been a musician, had been abroad, in short, the one who made them feel that it was ok not to be totally conventional. Just what my son and I needed to hear. My son had never met any of them, but he felt comfortable with them and thought they were “a lovely bunch”. So now he feels a bit more connected to his family in England, even though his cousins are more my generation than his, and his uncles are more like granddads. It made me feel a bit sad that Philip hadn’t felt able to enjoy this “lovely bunch” for the last 20 years, but there goes the baggage, that’s another chapter. He is at peace now.
Two of the nieces, from a branch of the family who had moved “up north”, came all the way from Newcastle. They are planning to come down again in August, and we’re hoping to organise a get-together in less sad circumstances. Isn’t that nice?
During the time when Philip was in the NH, I already had the chance to start and pick up my life again. I will now treasure the memory of Philip, but move on along that path. After a break of 40 years, I bought myself a piano last summer and I’m taking lessons. For the first time after nearly as many years, I went to the Cambridge Folk Festival, and I really felt alive! I had a moment, when the memory of Philip and I going in the first year we met, overwhelmed me, but I had my friend to hug, and the music to listen and dance to. Also last summer, I went for a walk in a meadow where I saw my first ever wild orchids (see picture). That’s the sort of thing I call living. No plans for a world cruise just yet. Just little pleasures will do me.
Thank you all for your friendship, and I wish you lots of strength for whatever stage on the journey you are at
Love - Kathy