Update
Hi Everyone,
Firstly I want to thank everyone who replied to my thread yesterday. I have to say the kind words and advice were fantastic and seriously you guys have got me through the last few weeks. So THANK YOU!! Sorry for the long post- part venting, part update.......
Well the appt went ahead this morning. There were two CPN's and the clinical psychologist. They stated the purpose of this appt was what they can do to help with the situation at home going forward. Frankly it was a waste of my time, completely futile and I have to admit I did loose it at one point with the CPN who visits mum (she always takes my mums side and fails to forget when one has evidence for my mums behaviour the CPN can not argue with the facts. The facts don't lie, my mum manipulates)!!
It started with the psychologist asking my mum, dad and I how we are doing after my dads alzheimer's diagnosis and what changes we may have seen in him. Only this question was directed at my mum, then dad and when it was my turn to speak the CPN's and psychologist ignored and spoke over me- which is when I flipped. My mum said she sees my dad fiddling with the drawn curtains every night before he turns in for the eve. What a trivial non alzheimer's behaviour to cite! The woman clearly has no clue what to look out for. I said I check the back door is locked 10times a day does that mean I have alzheimer's? To which none of the medical lot had an answer. My dad said he does this to check the windows are locked and readjusts the curtains.
Thankfully my dad said he is tired of my mum nagging him, being anger/aggressive, mood swings x times a day etc.
The medical lot did not care, they took zero notice. Sure dad went on a bit but that is what he tends to do now.
I asked why I had not been informed about this meeting despite the memory clinic saying they would contact my mum and me directly? Again no answer from medical lot. My mum said it was because we are not speaking and I would be angry and not attend. What the h*ll?!
CPN said why didn't my mum attend my dads last appt? I said that's because she was not invited, no permissions were sort by asking my dad if this would be ok and more importantly my mum was given the chance however she told me she was not going to present in my dads appt and that she was meant to have a social chit chat with the CPN's at the hospital. She told me the CPN was off ill and I told her to ring the CPN on the morning of my dads appt and verify/confirm her meeting to which she said fine, I don't want to come and she will not ring to verify. Then in the appt the CPN asked where my mum was and I explained the above. The CPN denied all knowledge, claiming she did not ask this question. I said yes you did. I recorded you!!! Her face dropped and so did the rest of the medical lot. They asked me are we being recorded now, to which I said YES. CPN said why and I don't know how I feel about that surely you should tell us. I replied- I don't trust you (she had just illustrated why above), yes I can record you, I cant use it in a case of law, you are in my house now.
My mum says- we don't do anything as a family. I say, my dad is 70yrs, working f/t 8-5pm, he comes home eats, helps with the washing up etc, watched tv and by which time its bedtime. On saturday he goes to do the food shop and its better he is out then at home with this tension and her stress. Sunday he washes his own clothes, irons sometimes does the hoover. SO when do you purpose he goes out as a family???!! He is tired. not only this when they do go out its to do what her interest are. My dad says we are going to our sons abroad in 2 wks for 3wks!!
I said don't pressure my dad to spend all the time and throw tantrums if you don't get what you want. Mum says it my money and she does not spend, spend, spend. Its her pension. I say, I don't care what you do with you money spend it all on sweets! She does pressure him to buy expensive jewellery, want expensive house renovations etc. Remember he is the only one earning!! I wanted to list my mums behaviour but the medical lot were not interested.
Again the question was asked because psychologist says these are only e.gs. What can we do going forward? I said you clearly don't understand, she antagonises my dad, he retaliates and the cycle begins. Its not mensa puzzle, you would think with all the letters after the psychologists name he would see a pattern emerging!! I said you can educate my mum about alzheimer's as she has no interest in learning. My mum says that's untrue She went to the library yesterday and was reading a book on alzheimer's. Well, one book makes you the expert, I'm sure she picked up on the basic knowledge. She's the one who can not comprehend the simplest of things. Its not, its fact she has told me and my siblings a number of times. If that is true then she would be tolerate, empathise and sympathetic. I asked why was the CPN involved, she replies to support my mum and i say and educate! What has she learned??!! What have you picked up? The CPN asks mum if she can reveal any details of their meetings and my mum said no or there will be an arguement. Begs the question if the CPN is asking permission if she can reveal, why wasn't my dad asked permission for my mum to attend his last memory appt?
CPN says she thinks it is fine for her to shortly stop supporting my mum. Good riddance, I have taken a dislike to her.
CPN says my mum should be attending the memory clinic with my dad for support rather than me. Seriously, they have to be kidding...you want a menatlly, unbalanced individual to support someone with alzheimer's. The same individual who mocks, gloats, antagonised and purposing confused my dad. Care in the community, I think not. CPN went on to say when I was working and living away over summer she is of the opinion mum and dad were working together. That's rubbish, in 30mins ad hoc appts she can identify this?? Why doesn't she work for Mi5, she missed her calling. I know when I returned home after summer my dads condition had gradually got worse. Begs the question why????
As this was an hr appt they ran out of time. My mum went and rang my brother and any stray that would listen. I went out to a friends. Dad went back to work.
I've just got back in I am so tired, stressed and feeling under the weather. Spoke to my sister and she says leave and she will rent a place for us. But I'm worried about my dad. He wants to divorce only he keeps asking my mum, almost for her blessing and she will never give that. I want my dad far away from my mum as possible. She is so manipulative, twisted eveything and toxic...the oscar goes to my mum!!
I dont know how long I can put up with my mum and the way she fools the 'experts'
Thank you all for thinking of me, I've just logged and will reply back!