Changing behaviour about food?

[frangipani]

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in here for quite some time though I have browsed from time to time.

I have been very busy with other stuff in my life but what really kept me away was that I laid a guilt trip on myself and felt that I had been disloyal - like talking behind my husband's back as it were!! I guess a few people will get what I mean.

Things haven't changed a lot since May - the cycles are still going, we are in one at the moment which is what probably urged me to come back where I can share concerns. Four times this morning my husband asked me the same question each time not believing I had already told him. In summary he still doesn't think he should consult his GP. He is physically very fit - his voluntary work is physical and he goes to the gym at least once a week so no pretence whatsoever will persuade him he needs to attend any consultation.

However something new has crept into the mix - and I feel disloyal again saying this - but he seems to have become very 'greedy' for lack of a better word, about food. I always serve our dinners which we have in the evening (NZ fashion) nicely in seperate dishes on the table. Lately he has kept eyeing the dishes, my plate, his plate and then helping himself to a second helping before he is even halfway through the first - and my meals are generous, always plenty. If I get any choice biscuits as an occasional treat - we eat quite nutritionally I think so rarely have them - I might have one ,then a few days later decide to have another and they're gone, every one of them. It's not his manners, they are still fine, it's just this 'eyes bigger than belly' thing.

This won't sound annoying to you guys I'm sure but I happen to love Shredded Wheat which is imported to NZ - at a price, it's very expensive and a packet I make to last a long time. Husband does not like them, so he says, and has cornflakes. A couple of weeks ago I thought I would have one of my last three shredded wheat as a snack - and the box was empty. Still sitting in the cupboard, all innocently!! Well you guessed it - all eaten but box replaced rather craftily I thought in cupboard and me thinking it had 3 wheats in it! It probably sounds silly but I was really livid because he has never liked the things. It's as if he needs to eat things up before I want something else.

Ok - vent over - I feel bad again discussing this but darned if I know where else to go. Can anyone say if they have experienced this type of behaviour ? It's getting worse I think.

 

[Reds]

Hi there

Please don't feel guilty. I know what you mean because I discuss my husband's behaviour etc to friends, family and on here but I'm a believer of not bottling it up as that is unhealthy. You are not being malicious or anything you are just trying to make your lives as good as possible under the circumstances. Anything can be annoying particularly if it affects your everyday life and I am like you because I have certain preferences regarding my food etc and wouldn't like it if anyone messed up my plans with it. Anything that is important to you is not silly especially as we have a lot to put up with.

Reds

 

[faithy]

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in here for quite some time though I have browsed from time to time.

I have been very busy with other stuff in my life but what really kept me away was that I laid a guilt trip on myself and felt that I had been disloyal - like talking behind my husband's back as it were!! I guess a few people will get what I mean.

Things haven't changed a lot since May - the cycles are still going, we are in one at the moment which is what probably urged me to come back where I can share concerns. Four times this morning my husband asked me the same question each time not believing I had already told him. In summary he still doesn't think he should consult his GP. He is physically very fit - his voluntary work is physical and he goes to the gym at least once a week so no pretence whatsoever will persuade him he needs to attend any consultation.

However something new has crept into the mix - and I feel disloyal again saying this - but he seems to have become very 'greedy' for lack of a better word, about food. I always serve our dinners which we have in the evening (NZ fashion) nicely in seperate dishes on the table. Lately he has kept eyeing the dishes, my plate, his plate and then helping himself to a second helping before he is even halfway through the first - and my meals are generous, always plenty. If I get any choice biscuits as an occasional treat - we eat quite nutritionally I think so rarely have them - I might have one ,then a few days later decide to have another and they're gone, every one of them. It's not his manners, they are still fine, it's just this 'eyes bigger than belly' thing.

This won't sound annoying to you guys I'm sure but I happen to love Shredded Wheat which is imported to NZ - at a price, it's very expensive and a packet I make to last a long time. Husband does not like them, so he says, and has cornflakes. A couple of weeks ago I thought I would have one of my last three shredded wheat as a snack - and the box was empty. Still sitting in the cupboard, all innocently!! Well you guessed it - all eaten but box replaced rather craftily I thought in cupboard and me thinking it had 3 wheats in it! It probably sounds silly but I was really livid because he has never liked the things. It's as if he needs to eat things up before I want something else.

Ok - vent over - I feel bad again discussing this but darned if I know where else to go. Can anyone say if they have experienced this type of behaviour ? It's getting worse I think.

Funny you posted this - my husband hated the tuna at his nursing home and for 4 plus years refused to order it - instead opting for a cheeseburger at night - Saturday I was up there visiting and the girl asked what he wanted for dinner - tuna or italian sub- so of course he was going to say, cheeseburger - he said tuna! and he had it again on Sunday night - so yes, I am experiencing the same thing. My husband is almost 7 years into his stroke, a large MCA which left him partial paralyzed on his left side, no use of his upper arm or hand, he cannot walk or stand for the last 2 years. So yes, the food behaviors change, I was speaking to a therapist this morning, I visit Tom before I go to work, and she said as the dementia progresses, he forgets that he likes certain things, so sad but true...hope this helps!

 

[faithy]

Has anyone come across this strange behavior as dementia progresses

my husband had two urinals (don't ask why) for 4 plus years at the nursing home, well he started mixing them and spilling them on himself, linen, etc - he used empty on in another so it wouldn't get filled up when he urinated (it made sense at the time, and he handled it well), now he spills so they took one away, which wasn't a problem, until they started finding urine on the floor, under the bed, etc. he toss's it when its full just wanted to let you know

Thanks!

 

[jeany123]

It sounds just like my husband who has vascular dementia but I think it is because he can't remember eating ,
I have to hide the biscuit tin and any fruit in the fruit bowl he used to go and get his 4th apple and wouldn't believe he had four he thought it was his first one,
He looks at everyone elses plate to see if they have more , and if our grandson leaves anything he finishes it off if I don't watch him,
if anyone comes in later and has lunch he complains he hasn't had any but he had his only half a hour before,
I was annoyed one day when I left the table to get a drink of water and he had eaten 2 peas that i had left on my plate I didn't want them but that's not the point,
If I have anything I want to keep like crisps or snacks I hide them because he wold just eat them all if he could find them, like you I try to give him a well balanced healthy diet and as he has diabetes it is for his own good,
I understand you being annoyed as I hate thinking there is something there and looking forward to it then finding it has gone,
I got a cup cake in a tea cup yesterday for my birthday and he drooled over it I had to ask if he wanted half in the end as I would not have enjoyed it but it was tiny so we didn't get much each, At one time he hated sweet things but loves them now,

Jeany x

 

[CeliaW]

Mum has Vas D and her behaviour re food has certainly changed. She rarely can tell what the main part of a meal is (eg cheese, meat, fish) and often muddles the names even when its clear she knows what it is - such as tomatoes or biscuits. She won't remember if she has eaten or drunk and will usually tell you she has even if she hasn't which is a problem to manage at a distance even with carers going in.

This means that she will be vehement she doesn't like something, has never had x food before etc etc.

I think that, sadly, its all too familiar a part of the changes from dementia and no, you aren't being disloyal, we all have to find answers and ways to cope.

Take care

Celia

 

[1954]

My MIL lives with us. When she was at home her food portions were small and pre dementia days she had lovely manners and ate 'normal' amounts of food.

This has all changed. She would never stop eating and goes hunting for it. We never get a chance of fruit as wham bam its all gone!

We used to put plates/bowls of food on the table to help ourselves but that has had to change as she would scoff the lot and stare at our plates. It is such a shame so now we have to give her portion control and hide food

 

[Noorza]

My mum says the only part of her that still works properly is her stomach. She has always been a big eater but it does seem non stop sometimes. Her taste buds have changed too, she is struggling to find soft drinks she can tolerate.

 

[frangipani]

So helpful

Thanks so much everyone for your responses and for no judgemental remarks. It looks like I was right in thinking this behaviour is yet another pointer towards dementia.

Jeany I particularly loved your post - especially the couple of peas scenario. Tonight I left some broccoli florets on my plate and saw my darling eyeing them. I pre-empted what he was going to do by asking would he like what I had left. Of course he did!!

Trouble is most of the time our 'darlings' just aren't so darling anymore and I find I am intolerant and envying so many on here who seem to have the patience of Job and love to spare.

I suppose the bottom line is that we have been married for 59 years and we have had so much grief in our lives that it hasn't been a bed of roses any which way.

I would like to thank the admin person Serena for re-directing my misplaced post and sending me a private message to explain why. People like Serena must make this website run so smoothly, it really is a wonderful comfort.

Well, all my fellow Poms, you will just be getting up at 'home'. Here in this beautiful country it's 8.15pm and I am about to get off the computer and go watch the great British doc - "One born every minute" - one would think after giving birth to 5 I would be bored by the process - but every new life is amazing - I only wish the lives they will be having could be equally marvellous but the reality is different.

Thanks again everyone - and any new contributions warmly welcomed.

 

[1954]

I thought for a moment you had given birth to 51 babies! Horror of horrors

 

[seaurchin]

Hi,

My husband went from picking over his food in the early days to now having a voracious appetite!! He even steals our young daughter's food given half a chance and has changed from liking savoury things to all things sweet. Tonight he stole her chips and I'm now the food protection police....

I don't seem to be able to shovel enough food in to keep him happy at the moment

At least he is eating though which I prefer to his lack of eating a few years ago. I think it must be part of the condition.

Best wishes

Sea

 

[Skylarker]

I've got the opposite problem, Mum won't eat! If this is just a phase and she'll eventually start eating for Britain then I wish it would hurry up, she looks like I don't feed her!

 

[frangipani]

I thought for a moment you had given birth to 51 babies! Horror of horrors

yes it did look like that the way I typed it - Holy Moly, that would be one of the best reasons for feeling demented I have ever heard. Thanks for the laugh

 

[frangipani]

Hi,

My husband went from picking over his food in the early days to now having a voracious appetite!! He even steals our young daughter's food given half a chance and has changed from liking savoury things to all things sweet. Tonight he stole her chips and I'm now the food protection police....

I don't seem to be able to shovel enough food in to keep him happy at the moment

At least he is eating though which I prefer to his lack of eating a few years ago. I think it must be part of the condition.

Best wishes

Sea

Thanks seaurchin - talk about taking the food out of the mouths of babes (just joking of course )

It is very interesting to read all these messages and one has to reach the conclusion that eating habits are yet another pointer in the direction of dementia. And equally interesting to hear that one or two people lose interest in foods.

My struggle is with the fact that I don't really know if my husband has dementia and I think most people on here have had a definitive diagnosis. I am still at the stage of sometimes thinking that it's me going a bit nuts because everything is as it used to be. Then another cycle seems to start and my heart sinks and I think "what the h*ll is really going on?" I imagine that's a state of mind most of you have been through - like is it or isn't it anything to worry about!!

Thanks again to you all, I am always grateful for the support offered on these forums. We don't appear to have anything like this in NZ - but then again with a rather small population the numbers here will be a lot less and not everyone obviously joins a forum.

 

[Redpoppy]

It seems so many of us have this problem of overeating.I've even thought of buying a second fridge and installing it in the wardrobe of our spare bedroom.My husband can eat for Wales given the chance.He forgets he's already eaten a meal and looks in the fridge and cupboards umpteen times a day for 'snacks"!!!He even found my slimming chocolate bars which are too expensive for him to be snacking on.I swear he's looking more at the fridge than he looks at the TV these days.Seriously though he is less mobile recently and if he put's on extra weight life would be more difficult for both of us.

 

[Pross]

I love the idea of stashing a spare fridge in a back room wardrobe!

My husband is beginning to eat less but he loves sweet things and for some time now I've had to put food on the table in stages otherwise he'll make a dive for the cake or the biscuit tin. He helped himself to a jammy dodger the other day in the middle of eating fish fingers. Then solemnly put tomato sauce on it. He particularly likes biscuits and I feel mean having to be the biscuit police. One day recently I came in from the kitchen to find three biscuits on his plate, each one with a bite taken out, and a toppling pile of about half a dozen or more sitting beside his plate. I always have to hide the bananas or I find them in an undressed state all over the house, sometimes with a bit taken out, sometimes not.

 

[ReikiLadyi]

appetite loss

I've got the opposite problem, Mum won't eat! If this is just a phase and she'll eventually start eating for Britain then I wish it would hurry up, she looks like I don't feed her![/QUOT

Skylarker, I have this problem too. My hubby has early onset Alzheimers and his appetite has all but disappeared. It is extremely difficult to get him to eat or drink. He has lost so much weight, he has ended up in hospital. So far, they have found nothing wrong and the hospital are just saying it is down to his dementia, but not coming up with any solution. It doesn't help that he is in temporary residential care while I recover from Chemotherapy and major abdominal surgery for cancer. I just don't know what to do, this has been escalating for the last 2 years.

 

[Redpoppy]

I think we get frustrated with our partners erratic eating habits because as carers we have to be organised and do our best to plan ahead. When I go to the cupboard or fridge to get the food I have planned to use for our meal and find it has disappeared I really feel annoyed and have to rethink what to prepare with the food I am left with.Sounds so petty doesn't it? On the other hand it must be more upsetting when they don't want to eat, or find it difficult to eat. I shouldn't get so worked up--I can always fall back on beans or egg on toast. My husband would be quite happy with just that.

 

[Redpoppy]

I got carried away with my last post I failed to say how sorry I am your husband is so unwell.You are going through a difficult time yourself having chemotherapy.I sincerely send best wishes to you both

 

[faithy]

I think we get frustrated with our partners erratic eating habits because as carers we have to be organised and do our best to plan ahead. When I go to the cupboard or fridge to get the food I have planned to use for our meal and find it has disappeared I really feel annoyed and have to rethink what to prepare with the food I am left with.Sounds so petty doesn't it? On the other hand it must be more upsetting when they don't want to eat, or find it difficult to eat. I shouldn't get so worked up--I can always fall back on beans or egg on toast. My husband would be quite happy with just that.

I agree what you said about being carers and need thing organized or in my case trying to control the situation, which isn't fair to Tom..he has lost 7 pds in 2 weeks, not sure why, he is throwing his night time snacks on the floor so he won't eat them..i am also trying to bring the computer home (he doesn't use it anymore) but I also don't want him to think I am taking things away, but I don't want it broken either - any suggestions?