Caring role to come to an end

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Kennyboy, Dec 2, 2019 at 11:29 PM.

  1. Kennyboy

    Kennyboy Registered User

    Oct 31, 2019
    hi all just wanted to tell you that we have arranged carers with a local private firm 24/7 for my sons Nan, this will start on 02/01/20, they have just started coming in three days and one night a week up to Christmas. To say I have found it hard to care for a PWD is an understatement, it’s incredibly hard, my husband and myself have done it for the last 3 months, my PWD is difficult and can get aggressive she is still waking us up at 4am to get her breakfast, I told her today we were not getting up at that time, she went down to have her cerial but came back up at 4.45 so I got up. We are both shattered, I have a number of serious health issues and my husband is nearly 70 himself. This is such a difficult illness with no 2 days the same, now she is insisting on going to bed at 4.30 in the afternoon I manage to keep her up until 6.45 but she was getting stroppy so off she went to bed. If I don’t post again I just wanted to thank you all for you help and support you will be in my prayers x
  2. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    @Kennyboy you have done so much and more. I could not have coped with that. I am lucky my dad is a sweetie and never gets stroppy but he is my dad and that makes a world of difference. I could never care for someone that I was not close to. I read on here of people caring for their inlaws and other distant relatives, I could not do that to save my life.

    You have to think of your immediate family and yourself first and caring for someone with dementia is very hard as you have found. Take care and hope everything gets easier for you and your husband as you deserve it.
  3. Cazzita

    Cazzita Registered User

    May 12, 2018
    I think you and your husband are angels. You deserve a break! x
  4. BryanG2001

    BryanG2001 Registered User

    Mar 2, 2014
    Something I meant to write for one of your previous posts, don't know if it will work, but may be worth a try. For Jet Lag they did some experiments and you can move the time you get sleepy by when you are exposed to bright light. If you want to move your bedtime earlier get bright light in the morning, if you want to move your bedtime later get bright light in the afternoon. At this time of year bright light isn't always easy to come by and I guess that holding her down whilst you shine a torch in her eyes is probably a bad idea, but you can get some very bright light bulbs like this.
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Broken nights are the pits @Kennyboy and Im not surprised that you feel you cant continue - it is often the breaking point. Please dont feel guilty about it.
    I would like to mention, thought, that even though you are no longer doing the hard, hands-on stuff, you will find that your caring role will still continue - it will just be different. Do please post again if you find difficulties or need answers to questions. There are many of us on here who are not hands-on carers.
  6. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    I'm so glad you have found full time care for your PWD, it will be such a relief to you when that starts. I hope it all works out well, but as Canary says please post if you ever need to.
  7. Kennyboy

    Kennyboy Registered User

    Oct 31, 2019
    Thank you all for your lovely replies, I do feel guilty but know that I can’t carry on, I have severe Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Asthma and lung damage through blood clots, high blood pressure and chronic fatigue syndrome. We will still call in twice a week and spend the afternoons with my sons Nan but at least we won’t be responsible for the full time care. So far she has enjoyed having carers but I’m not sure if it’s a novelty at the moment I really hope not, as I know she can be extremely difficult but I really can not continue as it’s taking a toll on my health. I think my sons Nan will have to accept that if she wants to stay in her own home she has to have carers full time, my son and his brother are still going to stay one night a week each and pop in during their lunch breaks, we will also visit twice a week and my sons wife and his brothers wife will call in several days a week with the great grandchildren. I think she is lucky to have such lovely grandsons who love her and want the best for her and want her to be safe. She has to have 24/7 care as she can not be left alone but it’s very difficult when the PWD doesn’t realise they have it. I will carry on posting as I will still be involved with my sons Nan but I won’t be living with her I will be back in my own home. Thank you for all your kind messages x

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