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Caring home for assessment!

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
21
0
My mum has this week gone into a home for a month's assessment regarding her mobility. She had a long stay in hospital and because she was'nt able to do the stairs the social worker suggested she go into this home temporarily! I spoke to my mum today and she was very distressed and crying saying she wanted to leave and go home! the staff were not allowing her to go to the toilet and she was being treated unfairly. Has anyone else had this experience? Is this the norm? It upset me wondering if I had done the right thing of sending her to this care home. I'm feeling very guilty.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
752
0
In some ways, it was helpful that mum went into her care home during the first lockdown as no visitors were allowed and I never considered phoning her. By the time I was able to visit her outside, she appeared the have forgotten about life before going there. She was quite anxious and confused about where she was and wanted to go shopping for her tea but was easily distracted.

I know it sounds cruel but leaving mum to settle without speaking to her children seemed to be the best thing for her - very hard for me though. I also felt very guilty but I now know we made the right decision at the right time as it was becoming unsafe for her to live alone.

Before this pandemic, many care homes suggested not visiting or contacting new residents for two or three weeks to help them settle.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
722
0
My mum has this week gone into a home for a month's assessment regarding her mobility. She had a long stay in hospital and because she was'nt able to do the stairs the social worker suggested she go into this home temporarily! I spoke to my mum today and she was very distressed and crying saying she wanted to leave and go home! the staff were not allowing her to go to the toilet and she was being treated unfairly. Has anyone else had this experience? Is this the norm? It upset me wondering if I had done the right thing of sending her to this care home. I'm feeling very guilty.
It is probably just distress but do try to check out whether there is any truth in the claims. Do speak with the manager, look at reviews, etc to see if there is any sign of poor care raised by others..
Sadly nobody wants to go into a care home, or very few do anyway, but they may settle eventually. My mother asks to go home less and less, she has settled after a fashion over 9 months and I think has come to accept that she needs a level of care that only a care home can offer - also due to poor mobility after a long stay in hospital. Fortunately she is well looked after.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,939
0
South coast
I think it is quite normal for people with dementia to have very little/no understanding about the reality of their situation.

Due to her poor mobility and not being able to go up and down stairs it would not be safe for her to be at home where she would probably try to go up/down stairs and then fall. Im sure that deep down you know this, but it is hard when a parent is begging you to take them home.

My mum also went from hospital to a period of rehab/assessment in a care home as part of a reablement scheme. I told mum she was convalescing in a much nicer place than hospital and she would be going home once she was better - this is known on here as "love lies". Mum seemed to accept this. She did not actually improve, though, so at the end of her reablement she stayed there permanently, but by this stage she had settled.

Do check up about her complaints, but I must say that in my experience, people with dementia will make all sorts of claims - the staff mistreat them, everyone ignores them, they dont get fed, etc, etc, when none of it is true. Mum showed me a bruise on her arm about the size of a thumb print which she insisted was caused by a carer pinching her "very hard". In reality I had been sat next to her the day before when the nurse did a blood test and this was the resulting small bruise!
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
21
0
I think it is quite normal for people with dementia to have very little/no understanding about the reality of their situation.

Due to her poor mobility and not being able to go up and down stairs it would not be safe for her to be at home where she would probably try to go up/down stairs and then fall. Im sure that deep down you know this, but it is hard when a parent is begging you to take them home.

My mum also went from hospital to a period of rehab/assessment in a care home as part of a reablement scheme. I told mum she was convalescing in a much nicer place than hospital and she would be going home once she was better - this is known on here as "love lies". Mum seemed to accept this. She did not actually improve, though, so at the end of her reablement she stayed there permanently, but by this stage she had settled.

Do check up about her complaints, but I must say that in my experience, people with dementia will make all sorts of claims - the staff mistreat them, everyone ignores them, they dont get fed, etc, etc, when none of it is true. Mum showed me a bruise on her arm about the size of a thumb print which she insisted was caused by a carer pinching her "very hard". In reality I had been sat next to her the day before when the nurse did a blood test and this was the resulting small bruise!
Thank you to all of your replies! I'm still feeling very sad and have very mixed emotions that my mum went in temporary and now may never be coming back home due to SS even though her mobility has now improved!
 

Peace lily

Registered User
Jan 30, 2020
62
0
Hi, feeling for you, as my dad is getting transferred today from hospital to a nursing home for six weeks. He will probably then go to a permanent home. I am heartbroken. I can't get my head around it. I feel as if I have lost my poor dad. It's so painful isn't it?
 

Linsac

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
71
0
Hi, feeling for you, as my dad is getting transferred today from hospital to a nursing home for six weeks. He will probably then go to a permanent home. I am heartbroken. I can't get my head around it. I feel as if I have lost my poor dad. It's so painful isn't it?
Hi @Peace lily I am in the same boat,my mum is being transferred from hospital to a care home tomorrow. I feel awful but at the same time I know it is the right thing for now. I really hope it doesn't become permanent though. How has your Dad settled in, have you managed to speak to him?

@Roman223 when will the decision be made about whether she can ever come home? I hope she is okay and has settled more.
 

Peace lily

Registered User
Jan 30, 2020
62
0
Hi @Linsac, we haven't manag to speak to my dad yet (he wasn't very good at speaking on the phone). He appears to have settled ok from what I can gather and is eating well etc. We dropped some clothes of yesterday as the home is literally 2 minutes walk from were I live. We are hoping to visit over the weekend, as they have a pod. We're all struggling with him being away from home and my mum is finding it very difficult being on her own after nearly 61 years. It is a grieving. Deep down I know it is the right thing to do, but it doesn't make it any easier. I hope your mum's transition goes smoothly. She will be well looked after. Please be kind to yourself and keep us updated x
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,360
0
High Peak
My mum has this week gone into a home for a month's assessment regarding her mobility. She had a long stay in hospital and because she was'nt able to do the stairs the social worker suggested she go into this home temporarily! I spoke to my mum today and she was very distressed and crying saying she wanted to leave and go home! the staff were not allowing her to go to the toilet and she was being treated unfairly. Has anyone else had this experience? Is this the norm? It upset me wondering if I had done the right thing of sending her to this care home. I'm feeling very guilty.
It's very hard for you because you are not there and can only go by what your mum has told you. However... care home staff would never 'not allow' someone to go to the toilet! Perhaps this is your mum's interpretation of what happened and the actuality was a bit different: you've said she has poor mobility, so imagine she's sitting in a chair in the CH lounge and tells a passing carer she wants to go to the toilet. The carer knows she can't walk without assistance but is in the middle of doing something else so says to your mum, 'No, I can't take you right now but I will be back in a minute/will get someone else to take you.' But what your mum hears/understands from this is, 'No, you can't go,' and that's what she reports to you.

It could even be that she wet herself as a result and that this distressed her (unsurprisingly). So please don't take everything she says as gospel! Get to know the CH staff - phone and ask them how she is.
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
21
0
Hi, feeling for you, as my dad is getting transferred today from hospital to a nursing home for six weeks. He will probably then go to a permanent home. I am heartbroken. I can't get my head around it. I feel as if I have lost my poor dad. It's so painful isn't it?
Hi, Yes, I feel for you too. My mum has been in a nursing home just over 6 weeks! I last saw her in December when she was wrongly discharged from hospital as the O.T.s were not able to carry out any mobility assessments with her so the next best place was 'somewhere else to assess' . I can't get my head round it and will never accept if she never comes out. I live on my own and at times feel very isolated plus this lockdown has not helped! It's reassuring that someone else feels the same.
 

Linsac

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
71
0
Hi, Yes, I feel for you too. My mum has been in a nursing home just over 6 weeks! I last saw her in December when she was wrongly discharged from hospital as the O.T.s were not able to carry out any mobility assessments with her so the next best place was 'somewhere else to assess' . I can't get my head round it and will never accept if she never comes out. I live on my own and at times feel very isolated plus this lockdown has not helped! It's reassuring that someone else feels the same.
Surely there will be a best interests meeting at some point where your views and your mothers must be taken into consideration? They can't just keep her in this home indefinitely without some consultation. Unless she is under a DOL order, they can't keep her against her will I wouldn't have thought.
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
21
0
Surely there will be a best interests meeting at some point where your views and your mothers must be taken into consideration? They can't just keep her in this home indefinitely without some consultation. Unless she is under a DOL order, they can't keep her against her will I wouldn't have thought.
HI, DOL order? What's that? I have complained to SS. They are now getting an Advocate to represent my mum as well as an interpreter as her first language is polish! Then I think there will be a best interests meeting! But her mobility has improved and she is still not coming out . . .
 

Linsac

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
71
0
A DOL order is deprivation of liberty, when Social services put this order on a patient it means they are not allowed home by law. If this is not in place then I don't see why you can't bring her home-with the right care package of course?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,227
0
Southampton
HI, DOL order? What's that? I have complained to SS. They are now getting an Advocate to represent my mum as well as an interpreter as her first language is polish! Then I think there will be a best interests meeting! But her mobility has improved and she is still not coming out . . .
deprivation of liberty order. its to keep them safe eg, if they to try and get out of the care home.
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
21
0
A DOL order is deprivation of liberty, when Social services put this order on a patient it means they are not allowed home by law. If this is not in place then I don't see why you can't bring her home-with the right care package of course?
Thank you for explaining that. The SS have said that mum likes it in the care home and does'nt want to come back home, but yet when I talk to my mum she changes her mind daily and says she wants to come back home. She thinks she is working at the home. I feel as though I have lost her to the care home. The initial assessment was for her to be in for 28 days and if her mobility improved of which it has, she has done stairs assesment, but they are NOT letting her come home. I'm really confused as I have asked the Care Home what care they are providing for mum and they have said very basic duties: ie/ administering drugs, washing her clothes and encouraging her to get in a bath - I find these needs very low for her to be in a care home!!
 

Linsac

Registered User
Aug 14, 2020
71
0
Thank you for explaining that. The SS have said that mum likes it in the care home and does'nt want to come back home, but yet when I talk to my mum she changes her mind daily and says she wants to come back home. She thinks she is working at the home. I feel as though I have lost her to the care home. The initial assessment was for her to be in for 28 days and if her mobility improved of which it has, she has done stairs assesment, but they are NOT letting her come home. I'm really confused as I have asked the Care Home what care they are providing for mum and they have said very basic duties: ie/ administering drugs, washing her clothes and encouraging her to get in a bath - I find these needs very low for her to be in a care home!!
So who is paying for the home, SS? Have they done a financial assessment for your mum yet? AS far as I was aware, you only get 6 weeks free interim care after hospital and then you either have to self fund or SS will pay if your mum doesn't have assets. However, that would have been discussed with you.

That is difficult if she is saying she wants to stay. My mum thinks she is working in the hospital she is in, I think it is their way of coping with the fact that they are not at home. I do hope you manage to resolve this difficult situation.
 

Roman223

Registered User
Dec 29, 2020
21
0
It is probably just distress but do try to check out whether there is any truth in the claims. Do speak with the manager, look at reviews, etc to see if there is any sign of poor care raised by others..
Sadly nobody wants to go into a care home, or very few do anyway, but they may settle eventually. My mother asks to go home less and less, she has settled after a fashion over 9 months and I think has come to accept that she needs a level of care that only a care home can offer - also due to poor mobility after a long stay in hospital. Fortunately she is well

So who is paying for the home, SS? Have they done a financial assessment for your mum yet? AS far as I was aware, you only get 6 weeks free interim care after hospital and then you either have to self fund or SS will pay if your mum doesn't have assets. However, that would have been discussed with you.

That is difficult if she is saying she wants to stay. My mum thinks she is working in the hospital she is in, I think it is their way of coping with the fact that they are not at home. I do hope you manage to resolve this difficult situation.
Thank you. The assessment is carrying on until they can sort what is actually happening with my mum as SS have said things are taking twice as long with Covid! Plus she was in there 2 weeks before anyone from SS came to visit. You are probably right as like your mum, they are unaware where they are. I do feel really hopeless at times. . .
 

Peace lily

Registered User
Jan 30, 2020
62
0
Hi, just wondering what to do and if anyone has had the same experience. My dad has been in a nursing home for two weeks (is in there for initial 6 week reablement package). He has fallen twice in the past 5 days. On both occasions my dad had tried to get out of bed and fell onto the floor. Staff leave him to sleep in until he wakes at approximately 10.45am. Think they have bed rails. Should there be a risk assessment in place. I want my dad to be safe. It's hard enough having him in there in the first place? Many thanks.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,227
0
Southampton
Hi, just wondering what to do and if anyone has had the same experience. My dad has been in a nursing home for two weeks (is in there for initial 6 week reablement package). He has fallen twice in the past 5 days. On both occasions my dad had tried to get out of bed and fell onto the floor. Staff leave him to sleep in until he wakes at approximately 10.45am. Think they have bed rails. Should there be a risk assessment in place. I want my dad to be safe. It's hard enough having him in there in the first place? Many thanks.
yes there should be in his care notes done by the home