Caring for my Mum with advanced Dementia

[Aries12]

My brother and I live with my Mum who is 80 and has advanced Dementia.
she was diagnosed 5 years ago. We are finding it increasingly hard to cope with her behaviour. She needs 24hour care-which we provide but we are both exhausted! She is liable to fall if we do not monitor her all the time. She can be fine and then just decide to do something dangerous-like empty all the drawers in her bureau with things going everywhere. You can’t reason with her. I’ve just had to put her to bed because she was washing herself for the third time today and we couldn’t get her to stop. We lied to her about the time and said it was time for bed. This all sounds crazy and meaningless but we have very little time to ourselves. I can’t cook because she is into something that could be dangerous. We love her to bits and some days are great! We went for a drive to the river and fed the ducks. Some days sh won’t get up-won’t get dressed. We want to keep her at home with us as she is healthy and happy and enjoys being with us. But sometimes!!!

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Aries12, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

By the way, a few good tips on communication issues can be obtained from this thread. Just click the link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[Just me]

Hi @Aries12
Your experiences and feelings are common for people looking after someone with dementia, myself included.

Like you and your brother, I provide 24 hour care and just before lockdown decided it was getting too exhausting and I had started looking into care homes. A very difficult decision but also probably the best for both of us.

Mum was attending day care once a week but that’s obviously stopped at the moment. Would you consider this or a sitting service to give you a break once lockdown allows?

 

[Aries12]

Mum went to a Day Centre for people with dementia-but only went once. She refused to go back. Am going to contact the ‘Admiral Nurses’ and see if she can be seen by them. I think we need an outside opinion to see if the have any suggestions. Thanks for your supportx

 

[Aries12]

Thanks for the info Karaoke Pete. Will do some more research. X

 

[Woo2]

Hi @Aries12 , welcome from me . I had to tell ‘love lies’ to my mum to get her to daycentre , as she liked to help others I told her they were looking for volunteers to help the old people , she went happily enough and I had arranged with the staff beforehand to go along with it and they gradually got her to sit and join in , can you try and sell it a way she would be happy with ? Also got carer in and I didn’t ask her if she would agree as she never would ! She gets on fine with them. If you ask them they will never agree , so just have to get on and arrange what you need . Hope after lockdown you get something organised and get a break .