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Care overseas
- Thread starter Davidb1973
- Start date
Think very carefully before taking this decision. A holiday abroad with a loved with dementia takes a lot of planning. How would you feel if anything went wrong and you have to get there quickly. I have lived abroad most of my life but am now in UK, my mother who now has Alzheimers has lived with me for the past 20 years and I could not contemplate sending her to another country, I would not be able to sleep at night.
You sound like you are at your wits end but maybe take more time to think things through. Thai people are lovely and so gentle and caring but the reality of not being able to pop in to see your mum regularly might be more difficult than you think. Being back here in UK again makes me feel supported and able to cope with mum. It is hard and ultimately its your decision and you have to live with it but I would say, check out the options available here for your mum and get all the support you can first. All the best.
You sound like you are at your wits end but maybe take more time to think things through. Thai people are lovely and so gentle and caring but the reality of not being able to pop in to see your mum regularly might be more difficult than you think. Being back here in UK again makes me feel supported and able to cope with mum. It is hard and ultimately its your decision and you have to live with it but I would say, check out the options available here for your mum and get all the support you can first. All the best.
Hope it all goes well. There must have been a lot of red tape to get your mum there but as I said before the Thai people are lovely.
Thanks for the support given here, in the outset I was asked to let you know how it went, so here goes.
We arrived and went straight to the home, I was a nervous wreck, I was shaking and terrified it may have been the wrong decision. I was talking with the staff and shaking and if I am honest I wanted us to jump on the first flight back. We stayed at a resort a 5 min walk away and despite the urge to go there in the morning we resisted, the home had activities essentially from 8 am until 3 ish. We visited daily in the afternoon for about two weeks, and then every other day until we went away for a week. Mum was in her element, she loved it and more importantly she looked 100% better, in fact I think she has had more mental and physical stimulation in the last 2 months than in the last year. The nursing staff are lovely,, the carers are lovely, whilst the food is not upto scratch overall we are now very happy. The resort regularly send pictures of Mum enjoying the activities which is also nice.
Today was the weekly trip to the shopping centre, which included a coffee, and ice cream and then to a restaurant called Fuji where a combination of salmon, tuna and tempura prawns was enjoyed by us, Mum and her carer.
The home have helped with the visa, opening a bank account and meeting the requirements was quite straight forward.
We are roughly two months into it now and confident the right decision was made, it was a very hard decision and a great deal of thought and planning went into it, we went into this with our eyes wide open and the key consideration was and always will be Mums welfare. We plan to stay for another 3-4 months and will visit a little less often as time goes by.
Its 5 am here and I am watching the football so a little tired so forgive any typos and more. On our return to the UK, I will probably give it a couple of months or three before returning for a week or so. I suspect within a year or so we will move out here permanently. Thanks all
We arrived and went straight to the home, I was a nervous wreck, I was shaking and terrified it may have been the wrong decision. I was talking with the staff and shaking and if I am honest I wanted us to jump on the first flight back. We stayed at a resort a 5 min walk away and despite the urge to go there in the morning we resisted, the home had activities essentially from 8 am until 3 ish. We visited daily in the afternoon for about two weeks, and then every other day until we went away for a week. Mum was in her element, she loved it and more importantly she looked 100% better, in fact I think she has had more mental and physical stimulation in the last 2 months than in the last year. The nursing staff are lovely,, the carers are lovely, whilst the food is not upto scratch overall we are now very happy. The resort regularly send pictures of Mum enjoying the activities which is also nice.
Today was the weekly trip to the shopping centre, which included a coffee, and ice cream and then to a restaurant called Fuji where a combination of salmon, tuna and tempura prawns was enjoyed by us, Mum and her carer.
The home have helped with the visa, opening a bank account and meeting the requirements was quite straight forward.
We are roughly two months into it now and confident the right decision was made, it was a very hard decision and a great deal of thought and planning went into it, we went into this with our eyes wide open and the key consideration was and always will be Mums welfare. We plan to stay for another 3-4 months and will visit a little less often as time goes by.
Its 5 am here and I am watching the football so a little tired so forgive any typos and more. On our return to the UK, I will probably give it a couple of months or three before returning for a week or so. I suspect within a year or so we will move out here permanently. Thanks all
Thank You for your update @Davidb1973
It sounds like your mum has settled quickly
When you return home, how quickly could you get there in an emergency?
It sounds like your mum has settled quickly
When you return home, how quickly could you get there in an emergency?
You have actually done something slightly different to what you initially infered . To all intents & purposes you have moved there as well ( You have been there 2 months, plan to stay another 3-4) abeit temporarily.
I think you are extremely fortunate in that you are able to stay so long with her-I was under the impression that you worked. What happens when next the 'new normal' starts-you come home and she stays?
Does she know you are coming back here?
I think you are extremely fortunate in that you are able to stay so long with her-I was under the impression that you worked. What happens when next the 'new normal' starts-you come home and she stays?
Does she know you are coming back here?
Wow. You are amazing having done all the research you have done. You’ve given it much thought. Wherever your mum goes requires much thought. I’ve had to do similar with my dad albeit still in the U.K., we are 500 miles apart and I’ve found a ‘befriender’ who will continue to visit dad once a week once he’s in a care home to be my eyes and ears for anything she feels needs reporting back to me. Sadly I’ll only be able to visit once or twice a year but that’s no different than now. I wish you all the best. You’ve given it much thought and consideration. It’s great that you’ve lived there before and your mum has visited many times. Taking her ‘back in time’ so to speak to tunes from her past could be a wonderful thing. I wish you all the best.
Thanks so much for the update @Davidb1973
I’m really glad things worked out — I had totally forgotten about visa and banking challenges.
You have taken the time to check everything and get your mom settled in. I hope it’s “business as normal” in dementia speak for a while. Not everyone can be right around the corner from their PWD (nor would that person want those sacrifices) and I’m encouraged to see that you’ve made it work.
just a note — i go back to check on my dad (& previously my mom) and do admin that can’t be done overseas every 2-4 months. And it takes me 20-26 hours to get back, even in an emergency. I’m perfectly comfortable with this and am in close enough contact (directly and with staff) to notice when there is a step down in mental and physical states that I want to check first hand and might require a change in caregiving routines.
I’m really glad things worked out — I had totally forgotten about visa and banking challenges.
You have taken the time to check everything and get your mom settled in. I hope it’s “business as normal” in dementia speak for a while. Not everyone can be right around the corner from their PWD (nor would that person want those sacrifices) and I’m encouraged to see that you’ve made it work.
just a note — i go back to check on my dad (& previously my mom) and do admin that can’t be done overseas every 2-4 months. And it takes me 20-26 hours to get back, even in an emergency. I’m perfectly comfortable with this and am in close enough contact (directly and with staff) to notice when there is a step down in mental and physical states that I want to check first hand and might require a change in caregiving routines.
Thanks again for the positive comments they really do help me in believing that some people think I may have made the right decision and yes a great deal of thought and research has gone into this. In an emergency she will be well looked after by the joint top hospital in the province, and dependent on the emergency I will be here on the next available flight., and yes I do work, but my priority is my Mum, if I need to visit I will, if my employer doesn't like it then tough, but so far they have been great, perhaps I am lucky?
Thanks again, I really appreciate all support given here and if anyone is serious in taking the same steps I am happy to help
Thanks again, I really appreciate all support given here and if anyone is serious in taking the same steps I am happy to help
Your welcome. We flew Business Class with Thai airways via Copenhagen. We advised we would need support and the treatment whilst transferring and in flight was as if we were royalty. Mum loved it, enjoyed the odd glass of bubbly and was sat with her headset on singing along to the music. We were very concerned the other passengers were going to be disturbed but were not made aware of any issues, the stewardesses walked past many times with massive smiles and chatted with us and Mum. I don't wish to repeat myself but I have been so worried about the decision I have had to make, and as time has gone by I have been so pleased and relived how it has worked out.
Happy to offer further support or advice if required
I do work but my employer has been going through this with me for four years and has been very understanding with my needing to vanish for a few hours or day/days or longer with no notice. They saw me break down numerous times at work and knew how this was effecting me. When I told them of my thoughts they agreed a unpaid sabatical. Does Mum know we are coming back? Its approaching 6 months now, we have left Mum for a Week, then returned for a while, then left for longer and have just left her for about a month. When we return its like we have never been away, the resort/home send photos more or less daily, and she is in her element. We will be returning soon and I honestly do not think there is any point making it into a big deal as she has not missed us and does not seem to remember to well or indeed at all. I or we will be returning every three to four months or so until we move out here permanently
FYI, we have been back for about 3 months and I am off again tomorrow for a surprise visit (for Mum and the resort), we call al least once a week and they send daily pictures of Mum and updates, Its the best decision I have ever made, the only regret is that I didn't make the decision sooner. Thanks again all
Thanks so much for posting this. I’m currently researching options I’d love to hear more specifics if that’s possible. - I was initially thinking of trying to find somewhere with a hotel vibe to experience the place . Do you think this is a practicality?
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