• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Care home

Monty70

New member
Jul 12, 2020
5
Hello
I wanted to ask everyone at what point do you put your parent into a care home?
My dad has vascular dementia/ mixed alzheimers . My dad was living on his own. I thought to keep him there i would try a live in carer. Lets just say it been a rough 3 weeks. My dad suffered really bad paranoia, mistrust, aggression, sleepless ness . He was escaping the bungalow and shouting out at 3am to everyone in the street. I experienced my dad turning a sofa upside down and a put up bed. He was physical with the carer too. The carer went as they couldn’t help my dad anymore ....
Ive now put him in a home yesterday and hes demanding to come home.
Have i done the right thing?
i can’t afford to look after my dad as im a single parent with a morgage.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,371
Hi and welcome. I think you have done exactly the right thing. Your dad needs 24/7 supervision with a whole team looking after him . Asking to come home is quite normal in this scenario. Just keep saying something like you're there until you are better or the doctor says you should be here. I'm sure others will be along soon with better advice, but many forum members have been here and will identify with these situations
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,631
Merseyside
You’ve done the right thing. He needs experts to care for him now.
Asking to come home is very common. Say things like tomorrow or when the Dr says you can etc.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,596
South coast
I dont think you had any other option. You wouldnt have been able to keep him safe any better than the live-in carer. Your dad now needs 24/7 care by a whole team of people working in shifts.

It usually takes a good couple of months for someone to settle down, so dont worry too much about him at the moment. As everyone else has said - asking to go home is par for the course at this stage.
 

Monty70

New member
Jul 12, 2020
5
Thank you for all your comments
My dad was better when the carer had left
I just feel so bad that ive plonked him in a home without his say so......
Over the last few years he would say to me ‘don’t put me in a care home ‘ , pleaded with me .......
After this crazy 3 weeks he had a really bad mood and said don’t put me in as once your in you don’t get out ......
My dad forgets he put his mum in one as she had dementia 😢
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,596
South coast
My mum used to plead with me to never "put her in a home" too, but like you I had no choice.

It took her a couple of months to settle and during that time she would be "packing" to go home and was desperately trying to get out. Nevertheless, she did settle and once she had she amazed me by making friends and generally thriving. Regular meals, regular medication and always having someone around did her the world of good. She became settled and content. She once said to me "they all love me in here" and she was right - they did.

Give your dad time and give that guilt monster a bashing.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,924
Kent
Please don`t feel you have `plonked` your dad in a home @Monty70.

You are no longer able to meet his needs or keep him safe because his care is too much for any single person to manage.

He may be angry but he is no longer able to decide on the best for himself and you have made the decision for him.

It`s a heartbreaking decision and so many of us know how it feels, because we have had the same decision to make.
 

Monty70

New member
Jul 12, 2020
5
Thats made me feel better 😊
There could be light at the end of the tunnel ....
Thank you for your support😊
You made me laugh about guilt monster 😂x
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
116,389
Messages
1,702,306
Members
67,188
Latest member
SueDiL