Care home resident enjoys showering but care home only offering once a week

[Gigglemore]

I have seen lots of posts about loved ones being unwilling to bathe or accept help with personal hygiene but my current issue is the opposite. Mum has been in respite for a few weeks and the notes I provided when taking her to the home explained she is happy to accept help to shower. Was initially shocked to learn they were only going to shower her once a week - at home it was usually about 4 times weekly (her choice). I expressed my surprise and concern in that first week when I found she'd only had one shower/hairwash (she kept complaining to me about her itchy head, but could not remember if/when it had been washed). The staff agreed that she could have showers twice a week (made me feel like this was special treatment!)

When checking her schedule for this week to find a suitable day to make a dr appointment was horrified to be told by one of the carers that Mum still only gets showered once a week. I have been reassuring Mum it was more often as I really just assumed she was forgetting the showers and hairwashing as her memory is so bad.

I feel that I have been lied to and that I have let Mum down by not believing her. I now understand why Mum so enjoys the evenings I put her to bed, as I wash her itchy back for her.

I think that for someone who enjoys showers, once a week is unacceptable. She is very compliant so if staff say "you don't need to shower today, do you?" she will agree rather than feel she should put them to the trouble of assisting her.

I am now determined to look at other care homes but just wondered about other carers' experience of bathing routines in homes. I think a shower twice a week is the minimum that should be offered, given that Mum is fairly mobile and just needs the assistance of one carer. Am I really being too demanding, in the 21st century with all the modern equipment available to care homes?

Now I've got that off my chest might be able to simmer down and get some sleep!

 

[Kevinl]

I washed my wife's hair today because I traded if off for her not having a shower I'll have that one to deal with tomorrow. For whatever reason some people become almost allergic to personal hygiene, same goes for being tidy, cleaning up and everything my wife used to be so meticulous about. Now she's become the teenager from hell, won't wash or shower, doesn't like her hair being washed leaves her room in a mess.
I have to be in some way sympathetic to the care staff you can't be fighting every day with your patients over a 100 issues, so a couple of showers a week, clean your teeth twice a day hair washed every week and we tidy up after you and we all get some peace might be OK.
Think how you have to negotiate with a small child but a child as big as you, same technique of persuasion but ultimately you can never use force.
Basically I'd look to how happy she is there and if it's all good then what better can you do for her.
Last bit anyone who falisifies record, well, they should be challenged if they do it on small things and get away with it...who knows.
K

 

[CJinUSA]

My mother - age 95 - loves to get her shower. Her day is not complete without a shower. She lives with us, and we have personal carers come in, and so she gets her shower.

But your question is about care homes, and I can't answer that. I hope someone will come along soon to address your concern. As for me, I'd have my mother out of that place in no time . . . .

 

[Kevinl]

My mother - age 95 - loves to get her shower. Her day is not complete without a shower. She lives with us, and we have personal carers come in, and so she gets her shower.

But your question is about care homes, and I can't answer that. I hope someone will come along soon to address your concern. As for me, I'd have my mother out of that place in no time . . . .

If I lived in California I'd love every day, shower or not, I never forgave my Mum for leaving it there and coming to England But WW2 messed it up so have to live here now so living in Manchester aka The Rainy City I get wet most days

 

[southlucia]

My dad only gets one shower a week at his NH. Sometimes they really push the boat out and he'll get two! He isn't very compliant though, so I'd assumed that was the reason. He's mobile and double incontinent, so I feel he should be showered more often.

 

[Ann Mac]

One of the reasons why I want Mil at home with us, I'm afraid - worked in an 'award winning' NH, and once a week baths or showers were the norm - there quite simply wasn't time for more, no matter how willing the carers, or how much the residents would have enjoyed it. While there is only an inadequate 'recommendation' for the minimum numbers of carers needed in relation to the number of residents, rather than legislation that stipulates a sensible number, this is what happens

 

[jaymor]

My husband is showered daily and has a wash before going to bed. There have been days when he has had a chest infection when he has been given a bed bath and left unshaved for a day or two.

He is in a nursing home . He is never forced though will be coaxed and encouraged on defiant days and sometime during the day will agree. He is in a nursing home specialising in dementia with challenging behaviour.

I personally would not worry if he was showered less often but would not be happy if he wanted to shower daily and was being denied. Hair washing is very important to ladies, my hair is very greasy and needs washing daily.

Does it come down to shortage of staff within the home or is it too much trouble and time consuming for them? You are right to be asking and they should be telling you why they are not showering your Mum.

My husband is now way past being aware of how he looks but I want him clean and dressed properly, it is a matter of dignity and I will be his voice when things are not as he would want if he could voice his concerns.

Jay

 

[starryuk]

Once a week bath/shower at mum's CH too. I was initially shocked to find this the norm in all the homes I looked at.

Mum used to shower every morning pre dementia, but now the staff have a hard job persuading her at all!

 

[Raggedrobin]

I was surprised to find once a week showers or baths are the norm in many chs, because it is labour intensive, I suppose. When my dad was in a home he had a bath every day because he loved it and the home had just opened and wasn't full.

At the current home, I wasn't sure if mum had had a shower, as she would say she had anyway, I felt I had to harangue them a bit about it. however on non shower days they should be strip washed if they can't do it for themselves.

 

[LYN T]

In my Husband's CH residents are bathed when they want. The ladies want showers more often than the men I don't know why. My OH would have to be sedated to get in a shower and bathing him is a problem. However, he is bathed once a week minimum. The carers would like all the incontinent residents to be bathed once a day but in Pete's case it is too stressful for him. When P was at home he once went 7 weeks without one. (no help given to me even though I asked)

Pete is also dressed nicely; co-ordinated shirt and jumper and socks.

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Saffie]

I know that my husband has a bath/shower once a week but have never questioned if he has more. That was all he would ever have in recent years when at home and it was getting impossible to persuade him to even have that.

The carers in his nursing home would be doing nothing but showering if the residents had a daily shower. There are 80 residents in all, spread over 4 wings and most are immobile or with restricted mobility. They are already stretched with having to get everyone up, washed and dressed before it's time for the mid-morning hot drink whilst sonehow managing to give breakfast, many residents having to be fed, including my husband who can do nothing for himself.

I have to say that my husband is doubly incontinent and I have never found him with any unpleasant odour nor looking unclean in any way and I am sure, if necessary, an urgent shower would be arranged. Elderly people do not in general perspire as they did when younger and many will be used to fewer showers than one every day. Daily, and even more frequent, showers are a feature of modern life but were not always so and, unless there is some particular health reason for a daily bath or a shower, I am sure your relatives will not come to any harm with a less frequent one.

I can of course, only speak from the perspective of a nursing home.
I realise that those residing in a Care home will be more mobile and able to make more choices and I would see no reason why they shouldn't be able to shower when they choose to as long as a carer is not needed to help.

 

[stanleypj]

It never ceases to amaze me that, when are home fees are so high and regularly rising, people are expected to accept the most minimal standards of 'care'.

Leaving aside the separate issue of people living with dementia who are resistant to being bathed or showered, it should surely be the norm for residents to be bathed or showered daily. I would be surprised if those who profit from care homes only shower once a week.

 

[copsham]

Every day

My mother has a shower every day in her nursing home. I would worry if once a week were the norm as to what other standards are so minimal. I appreciate that some might resist and there may be other plans for this reason.

Another issue that came up for me is the gender of the care assistant. When there is sickness/absence of staff occasionally male staff intend to assist my mother and she rightly refuses. I discussed this and it was agreed that a female member of staff from another unit would assist or the rare occasion this happened.

(Stanley is the name of my little grandson!)

 

[Witzend]

I realise that those residing in a Care home will be more mobile and able to make more choices and I would see no reason why they shouldn't be able to shower when they choose to as long as a carer is not needed to help.

Sometimes they are not allowed to shower without help. An aunt of mine was still only in early stage AD when she went into a residential home (it was her choice to go in). However one thing she particularly disliked was the lack of privacy when showering - she was still quite capable of showering alone but was not allowed to.
As her AD got worse she no longer cared, but I did feel it was a shame, particularly when there is so much talk of dignity in dementia. The CH was very good but from their POV it was a safety issue.

 

[stanleypj]

The CH was very good but from their POV it was a safety issue.

One could understand them checking the first time with someone like your aunt and then keeping an eye on the situation but a blanket policy like this is plainly not respecting the individual.

 

[Saffie]

The CH was very good but from their POV it was a safety issue

I'm not surprised at that in the present climate of litigation.
I did say that I was speaking from a NH perspective and have no experience of CHs.
I was simply trying to appreciate the concerns of those who feel that their, or their relatives', desire for daily showers should be respected.

Personally, where my husband is concerned I have more serious problems to worry about as so many of us do.
Larger homes are institutions and I doubt that there are many that will match up to exactly what we would wish for in a perfect world but in the main I believe they do their best.

There is another thread at the moment about diet and weight. This, to me, far outweighs any concerns about the number of showers one has a week as it impacts on health.

 

[Aquamanda]

This is a difficult one. I think like others have posted, that time constraints may play a large part in this. The staff may simply not have time to shower all the residents every day especially as some will be difficult in their behaviour or possibly very disabled and needing a lot of support etc. I guess if your mother has her clothes changed and is washed every day, and is not incontinent or smelly, then although it does not sound adequate, maybe once a week showering would suffice. A lot of the residents are not active, do not have the same b.o. problems that younger people have in terms of sweating etc. My mother was very angry and aggressive when the staff tried to shower her so often I ended up doing it - that was really difficult and so she really did not have a shower often at all. The strange thing was though that when I did manage to get her into the shower, she was not dirty and did not smell. I was quite amazed at that. The only other thing is that if your mother is very compliant, would it be possible for you or another relative to help her with extra showers if you feel she would enjoy that?

 

[Gigglemore]

Many thanks so much for all your replies, it has been really helpful to learn of other experiences.

Stanleypj - yes, I am finding it hard to work out what the weekly fees of over £900 are spent on as Mum is not incontinent and is mobile although rather unsteady and just needs a bit of assistance.

CJinUSA - I really admire what you do for your Mum and for all the support you provide on TP. Wish I could cope at home like you but am starting to accept it may not happen.

Have visited a couple of other homes today and both said showering was as often as the resident wanted and that some residents do have daily showers.

 

[starryuk]

just thinking....

To shower or not to shower every day. I can see the pov of both the Ch and the relative.

From the pov of my mother, showering is now a horrible experience. She is losing her language, but in trying to tell me that 'they' had given her a shower, she described it like this.

"hitting all over" "most unpleasant" and used her hand to pat herself all over. It occurred to me that perhaps the water spray is actually painful on her frail, thin skinned body. Is that why people seem afraid or reluctant to shower?

 

[LYN T]

It occurred to me that perhaps the water spray is actually painful on her frail, thin skinned body. Is that why people seem afraid or reluctant to shower?

Good point Starry

In my OH's case physically (apart from his walking) he's as fit as a butcher's dog.He just doesn't like the sound of running water.

Take care

Lyn T