Care Home Practice on Declining New Patients

[RJEP70]

Hi Everyone I'm new to this group and looking for some help and advice. My mom is on the early stages of dementia has COPD and has been struggling with confusion for a while and had decided that she wants to try respite care. We have found a home where two of her friends are and she had her day assessment on Friday she was really anxious worried and scared. Mom has barely left the house in over 4 years. She rang us several times saying she didn't like it and wanted to go home. Which we expected she was upset that they couldn't take her outside when she was feeling breathless due to her COPD . I rang the next day and was told they wouldn't be offering mom a place there they said she was anxious asking to go home and they don't think she will settle. I said of course she was its her first time going there its a big change. But she told us she loved it. I said can be bring her again for another day and see how she gets on.? I was told no they just get one chance and based on how she was its a no. I asked if someone would be calling me on Monday to discuss further or would i receive an email explaining what her needs are that you cant meet? They said no that's it sorry.

Is this normal or acceptable practise?

Thanks

Rach

 

[Louise7]

Hi Rach @RJEP70 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum but sorry to hear of your situation. My mum was a resident in a few different care homes and as far as I'm aware there is no specific 'normal' or 'acceptable' practice in terms of processes around taking on new residents, every home was different but they did all carry out an initial assessment to confirm if they could meet my mum's needs or not. If a home feels that they are not able to meet someone's needs then they are within their rights to refuse to take them, although it does seem as if the home you took your mom to could have explained things to you a little better. What type of care home is it? Some homes say that they will take people with dementia but actually mean those that are not any problem, with no behaviour issues, and unfortunately there does seem to be quite a shortage of care home/respite places in many areas so the homes are able to 'pick and choose' who they want. It's difficult as those with dementia can take some time to settle into a care home, sometimes several months, but what I would say is that if it was my mum I wouldn't want her to go to a home that didn't want her, so perhaps take a look at other homes in your area which may be more suitable for respite. As she has COPD that can also be difficult to manage at times so perhaps a nursing home might be more appropriate, particularly if your mom gets breathless, as there will be nurses on site if needed? There's a lot of experience here so other members may be along to share their own experiences and offer further suggestions, and I hope that you manage to find somewhere suitable for your mom's respite.

 

[SAP]

Care home spaces are sparse and homes can choose who they will cater for. If they have a waiting list then they are going to get the best fit for their staff and other residents.
Have a look for another home and be very honest about your mums needs so that they can tell straight away if they are going to be able to support her.

 

[Sarasa]

Welcome to Dementia Support Forum @RJEP70 . I'm sorry to read about your mum's experience, but I think it is probably best that they turned her down as it doesn't sound like it would be a good fit. I'm saying that as most homes understand people take a while to settle and are usually not so quick to turn someone down. There will be somewhere out there that will suit your mum better, this site is good for helping you draw up a shortlist Care Home UK

 

[RJEP70]

Hi Rach @RJEP70 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum but sorry to hear of your situation. My mum was a resident in a few different care homes and as far as I'm aware there is no specific 'normal' or 'acceptable' practice in terms of processes around taking on new residents, every home was different but they did all carry out an initial assessment to confirm if they could meet my mum's needs or not. If a home feels that they are not able to meet someone's needs then they are within their rights to refuse to take them, although it does seem as if the home you took your mom to could have explained things to you a little better. What type of care home is it? Some homes say that they will take people with dementia but actually mean those that are not any problem, with no behaviour issues, and unfortunately there does seem to be quite a shortage of care home/respite places in many areas so the homes are able to 'pick and choose' who they want. It's difficult as those with dementia can take some time to settle into a care home, sometimes several months, but what I would say is that if it was my mum I wouldn't want her to go to a home that didn't want her, so perhaps take a look at other homes in your area which may be more suitable for respite. As she has COPD that can also be difficult to manage at times so perhaps a nursing home might be more appropriate, particularly if your mom gets breathless, as there will be nurses on site if needed? There's a lot of experience here so other members may be along to share their own experiences and offer further suggestions, and I hope that you manage to find somewhere suitable for your mom's respite.

Thanks so much for replying I hadn't thought of if that way. The other problem Is mom only agreed to try respite care at that particular care home as her friends are in there. I'm dreading telling her they won't take her she will be so upset. Also I'm sure she will refuse to even try anywhere else and it is beautiful and local I will try to find our in more detail what the issue is through the social worker.

Thank You
RACH

 

[RJEP70]

Care home spaces are sparse and homes can choose who they will cater for. If they have a waiting list then they are going to get the best fit for their staff and other residents.
Have a look for another home and be very honest about your mums needs so that they can tell straight away if they are going to be able to support her.

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

Thanks so much for replying I hadn't thought of if that way. The other problem Is mom only agreed to try respite care at that particular care home as her friends are in there. I'm dreading telling her they won't take her she will be so upset. Also I'm sure she will refuse to even try anywhere else and it is beautiful and local I will try to find our in more detail what the issue is through the social worker.

Thank You
RACH

I wouldn't tell her that the home won't take her, I'd lie through my teeth and say that I wasn't satisfied with what they were offering and then tell her that you're looking for somewhere better.

When looking at homes, try to ignore the décor, carpets and in some cases, the fully equipped cinema. We settled for a rather tired looking home with no en suite but a high level of carers who were always with the residents.

 

[RJEP70]

Thanks for your reply hon.

They had said she could move into a newly refurbished room when its ready in around 2 weeks once the assessment day had been done, we were under the impression that the assessment day was more for mom to see how it works and just a formality.

We were 100% honest about moms conditions and they also already have the social workers assessment giving them all the details. Mom was just really anxious as she hadn't been there before and was panicking totally not like how mom usually is in her normal environment or how she will be once settled.

I'm all new to this and was just suprised that they would say no because she was anxious and unsettled as I would think a lot of new patients would present the same behaviour.

Back to the drawing board

Thanks
Rach

 

[RJEP70]

I wouldn't tell her that the home won't take her, I'd lie through my teeth and say that I wasn't satisfied with what they were offering and then tell her that you're looking for somewhere better.

When looking at homes, try to ignore the décor, carpets and in some cases, the fully equipped cinema. We settled for a rather tired looking home with no en suite but a high level of carers who were always with the residents.

Thanks Hon 🙂

 

[Lawson58]

Thanks for your reply hon.

They had said she could move into a newly refurbished room when its ready in around 2 weeks once the assessment day had been done, we were under the impression that the assessment day was more for mom to see how it works and just a formality.

We were 100% honest about moms conditions and they also already have the social workers assessment giving them all the details. Mom was just really anxious as she hadn't been there before and was panicking totally not like how mom usually is in her normal environment or how she will be once settled.

I'm all new to this and was just suprised that they would say no because she was anxious and unsettled as I would think a lot of new patients would present the same behaviour.

Back to the drawing board

Thanks
Rach

When a friend was considering moving his mum into care, he would take her to the care home of their choice for lunch once or twice a week. She then went into a respite for a week and then they resumed the lunch outings for a couple of weeks before more respite. Eventually she moved in permanently but went from being happy there started calling it a prison. They tried so hard to make it work but she wasn’t happy.