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Care Home now a permanent thing


Registered User
Oct 2, 2013
I just wanted to share something with you regarding my 79 year olds Care from respite to full time Care Home and if anyone had shared a similar experience.
My Dad had been in respite for 4 weeks as my mum had had an operation, we paid £1000 a week for this and then had a financial assessment done and sadly couldnt afford to keep him there. The respite home said we couldnt keep him any longer as they didnt have the space anyway and so we had only one week to find somewhere. Eventually with a couple of days to go a place was found. Unfortunately we didnt have time to look over the home. On the day of moving not one of the homes was prepared to take him to his new home, i didnt want the family to do this as i felt it might upset him, and make him think he was going home. Anyway so i hadto pick him up, the home had already lost his glasses and his shoes and without shouting about this i doubt they were that bothered. We got him to his new home, they were very friendly and welcoming, the only thing that really made my heart sink was the room looked like something you would have stayed in as a kid on a school trip, about 30 odd years ago,the shower room looked like an old school boiler room, but what can you do to ease my mums guilt
and explain this is all we can realistically afford, I think this is what makes it so hard is trying to convince yourself the care is more important than the surroundings.
Does anyone have any suggestions to cushion the blow with the way my mum is feeling, because as we all know if my dad really knew where he was, he would run a mile, thanks


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Hello maclaren and welcome to TP

My mum has been in a care home for just over a year. I would definitely choose care over surroundings every time. Mum is not bothered by her surroundings and, actually many people with dementia are comfortable with surroundings that look a bit old fashioned because it fits in with what they remember.

Can you take personal possessions to put in her room? Most Chs will allow you to do this. Mums CH takes the line of - if it will fit in her room, it can go in her room. I have put several things into her room to make it look like hers: a bedside cabinet and matching chest of drawers, bed-side lamp, several pictures and photos, a couple of (cheap) vases for flowers, a bed-throw and laundry basket. The room now looks much more personalised and cheerful.

It might make your mum happier if she can see your dad with his own things around him.
If you do this, make sure you put his name on every single thing as things often go walkabout in care homes.


Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
Brixham Devon
I agree with Canary. My OH was in a brilliant home-I didn't have much hope of getting him in somewhere really plush as he had been rejected by so many. The one I found only had 15 residents and was a bit tatty round the edges but the care was second to none. My OH was challenging (violent etc) but the love they showed him (and me) was outstanding. My OH had previously been in respite when I moved house and they refused to have him again-and he was relatively well behaved when he was there.:eek: That CH was very nice with lots going on but it had fewer staff-he needed the care and attention, so give the CH you have chosen a chance. I hope you will be happy with the care despite the surroundings.

Take care

Lyn T XX