At the end of the day, it is 'quality of life' which truly counts. There is nothing more demanding on the heart and soul, than having to address dementia - in whatever form - in a loved one. Unless you have done so, it is nigh on impossible to convey the actual level of despair, frustration, guilt, heartache, and so on, which becomes part of your daily life. So, the time comes when you have NO CHOICE. You cannot manage and your loved one, whilst believing they can do so - CANNOT manage, safely nor in actual fact. Dementia afflicts the brain in a manner which exacerbates confusion / communication. So you then have this painful dilemma as to both HAVING NO CHOICE, but to look to a care facility and yet wish you COULD care for your loved one at home or in their own home. But there is no choice. The prospect of something very serious happening (someone might wander from home - common) whilst you are not 'on watch', is a potential reality. This 'quality of life' can find a place within the care home environment. It takes a little time for a 'settling' to come about and when that happens, it is a definite plus for all concerned. In a GOOD facility, proper 'care' should be in place. That means proper and appropriate nourishment, hygiene, attention to all needs etc., a SAFE environment and a person-centred approach. Also, a team of carers instead of perhaps just that one family member struggling to cope, emotionally and physically alone! Despite all the angst, which can be very, very hard to cope with, once your loved one has 'settled' within the context of 'dementia world' - things DO improve. Observing from very close quarters (I volunteer in a Care Home) residents who are subject to varied presentations (Alzheimer's, Parkinsons, Vascular et al) I have noticed - without exception - how each person 'settles' in their own particular way. It is not an easy path to tread initially, but there is a definite light at the end of it. One of the ironical aspects of dementia, is that 'short term' memory can act in favour of those afflicted, i.e. people forget and often very quickly. Albeit one must always remember that 'feelings' can remain in place, despite not being linked to anything.
I should add here, that having cared for my own mother during a very difficult period and , which culminated in 'emergency respite' and subsequent admission into a Care Home, I do understand entirely the anxieties expressed in these posts. It was the most difficult period of my life to date in fact. Nevertheless, that 'quality of life', such as it was, which was given to my mother during the ongoing progress of the disease (Alzheimer's/Vascular dementia) whilst she was resident in the Care Home (very good) outweighed any notion of her still being at home and literally suffering the indignities inherent in the disease (incontinence, lack of proper facilities, having to be left alone whilst I cooked meals, precarious stairs, nighttime traumas etc etc.,) Every story is different, as is each and every person. Your own story is unique to you and don't anyone tell you otherwise. But it is not all dark. That is a fact. My warmest wishes go with this post, as one who is in total accord with all that you have expressed in your own piece.
