Care for my mum while my dad has hospital procedure.

[Jo2023]

My mum has Mixed dementia, Vascular dementia / Alzheimer's. She appears to be in mid stage. My dad is her main carer and he hasn't asked for any help yet because he has been able to cope so far with my help. My dad has found out he needs a pacemaker even though he feels absolutely fine. Although he will be an outpatient when he has the procedure, there is a very small chance he may have to stay in hospital overnight. And when he comes home after the procedure, he will obviously need to rest. My brother and me have offered to help with my mum. But my mum needs lots of help with toileting and dressing, which neither me or my brother have done before. And we're not sure how my mum will react to my dad not being there when he's at hospital, especially if he has to stay in overnight. And she doesn't understand what's he's having done, so won't understand my dad needs to rest afterwards. The obvious answer would be to arrange care for my mum. However my mum has not had any care so far, and she does not take kindly to strangers, and has been known to lash out at people and try to walk off or out. I'm not sure what to do for the best to help my dad. Any suggestions gratefully received.

 

[phill]

My mum has Mixed dementia, Vascular dementia / Alzheimer's. She appears to be in mid stage. My dad is her main carer and he hasn't asked for any help yet because he has been able to cope so far with my help. My dad has found out he needs a pacemaker even though he feels absolutely fine. Although he will be an outpatient when he has the procedure, there is a very small chance he may have to stay in hospital overnight. And when he comes home after the procedure, he will obviously need to rest. My brother and me have offered to help with my mum. But my mum needs lots of help with toileting and dressing, which neither me or my brother have done before. And we're not sure how my mum will react to my dad not being there when he's at hospital, especially if he has to stay in overnight. And she doesn't understand what's he's having done, so won't understand my dad needs to rest afterwards. The obvious answer would be to arrange care for my mum. However my mum has not had any care so far, and she does not take kindly to strangers, and has been known to lash out at people and try to walk off or out. I'm not sure what to do for the best to help my dad. Any suggestions gratefully received.

 

[Tavy]

Sorry Jo, I don't have the answers but I'm sure there's someone on here who can reach out to you.
Stay strong lots of love Tavy

 

[phill]

Might it be best to arrange for mother to have a “mini-break” (respite care) in a residential care home for the period during which father will be in the hospital and recuperating at home afterwards? The personal care that you and your brother are apprehensive about would then be being delivered by staff who’d know both what to do, how to deal with “awkward” behaviour, and how to jolly her along. Sometimes people with dementia actually respond better to/co-operate better with people in uniforms. And the 24 hour setting means that if she doesn’t cooperate at first attempt, there are many more opportunities throughout the day for them to try again.

 

[jennifer1967]

My mum has Mixed dementia, Vascular dementia / Alzheimer's. She appears to be in mid stage. My dad is her main carer and he hasn't asked for any help yet because he has been able to cope so far with my help. My dad has found out he needs a pacemaker even though he feels absolutely fine. Although he will be an outpatient when he has the procedure, there is a very small chance he may have to stay in hospital overnight. And when he comes home after the procedure, he will obviously need to rest. My brother and me have offered to help with my mum. But my mum needs lots of help with toileting and dressing, which neither me or my brother have done before. And we're not sure how my mum will react to my dad not being there when he's at hospital, especially if he has to stay in overnight. And she doesn't understand what's he's having done, so won't understand my dad needs to rest afterwards. The obvious answer would be to arrange care for my mum. However my mum has not had any care so far, and she does not take kindly to strangers, and has been known to lash out at people and try to walk off or out. I'm not sure what to do for the best to help my dad. Any suggestions gratefully received.

could your dad have a night away with either you or your brother so you sort of swap? i think if you can just manage the basics, until your dad can come back, toiletting. yes you could get some care in or respite but if its only a day, then she wont harm. your mum may surprise you and accept your care.