Care at home?

[pinkpalace27]

Hello,

I am seeking some advice about the practicalities for caring for someone at home with late stage Alzheimer's.

My mum was diagnosed 6 years ago and has been in a nursing home for 3 years. Some family members would like to bring her home so she can spend her last period of time in the family home.

My concern is moving her from an environment that is designed to provide comfort and medical stability with trained staff on site, to home where it is not sustainable to provide 24 hour care.

Mum is pretty much bed ridden now and sleeps for large portions of the day but is still eating and has slivers of communication.

Is bringing her home in the very best interest for mum, or are we being selfish?

Any similar experiences appreciated.

Thank you.

 

[SAP]

Not something I have experience of but many in here have. I can understand why your family would want to do this you just need to explore the realities. Will there be any other care coming in? Can you manage with incontinence ? Will a hoist be needed now or in the near future and will you need a pressure bed? Will you have access to continuous nursing care? These are by no means to put you off just things you need to think about. Also be aware that this stage can go on a very long time so you could be looking a long term care.
Is it in her best interests, personally I doubt it as she will not really be aware of where she is and what is happening, are you being selfish, no I don’t think so, sounds like you want a caring end for her and that is a loving thing to want to do.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @pinkpalace27 I can understand why your family members might want to being your mum home so that she can spend time in her home environment but I would suggest that you think very seriously before going down that route. There is a reason that your mum is in a care home, she needs 24/7 care from a team of people.

Would you be able to supply that on a long term basis. Remember that at the end of their shifts the carers can go home and rest, have time to themselves. Would you be able to sustain that level of care. With the best will in the world even if you set up a rota, something will go wrong, someone will take sick or have family commitments or just find they are not suited to long term caring.

I really do think that your mum is in the best place, and hopefully you can spend lots of time at the home being her daughter and not a tired and exhausted carer.

 

[canary]

Do be aware that A) this stage can go on for a very long time and B) when someone dies from dementia they don't just go to sleep and not wake up - instead, it is a long drawn out affair going on over days and weeks which I can only describe my mums last weeks as harrowing. My mum was in her care home tended by people she knew and knew her, in surroundings that she recognised. The staff knew exactly what to do and I was glad that it wasn't me that had to make the decision to call someone out at 2.00 am

If she does come home who will stay with her 24/7? Even if she gets CHC it is unlikely that she will have carers 24/7. Many authorities will still only allow 4 carer slots a day.

When my SIL brought my MIL back from a care home she organised a rota of family and friends to be with her 24/7, but after a few months it all broke down. Long story short - she ended up back in hospital and moved from there to a nursing home, where she passed away.

The idea of bringing them home to die sounds comforting and caring, but the reality is often not practical