My Dad was 85 years old. We all knew, including himself, that he was experiencing severe memory loss, irritation, and borderline aggressive behavior - coming on quite quickly in the past 6 months. No diagnosis of Alzheimer's was ever given - largely because he managed to hoodwink the local doctor (small rural town), and my mother went along with it. Dad had a heart attack 9 days ago; but he was lucid and walked into the ER and then into the next steps of his care. He had a DNR order, but he was not there yet. He was offered the option of a pacemaker, and he said clearly to the docs and family members present that he would like the pacemaker as he had plans to complete. This was Day 1. A temp external PM was installed, and then his behavior deteriorated quickly. My reading about dementia tells me this might have been due to the trauma of the hospital experience or the heart condition. He exhibited (according to family members - I was not there) severe aggression toward my mother and hospital staff - he asked one of his daughters to get some scissors and cut the tubes off of him. He repeated several times he wanted to go home. My mother is on record as saying she was petrified of him (only now, not having stated anything of the kind in the recent past) and wanted him to pass. One of the last lucid things my father said, when he tried to sit up and asked to be released - "this is entrapment"... Granted the prognosis - post pacemaker - was grim... a nursing home and steady deterioration... but he did say he wanted it as he had plans to completeWhile the procedures were underway, I was texting my opinion to family members, asking them to assure me it was my father's wish as well, not to have the internal pacemaker installed. The responses came in that he was no longer capable of making decisions himself. . Since I was not there, I could not insist otherwise. A consultation among family members and doctor came up with a decision NOT to install the pacemaker, to remove the temp external pacemaker and let nature take its course. Indeed, his heart was so weak that it took only 24 hours for him to die - surrounded by his loved ones (I was still not there - in mid-flight). I am a person of faith, a practicing Catholic - and I am trying to reconcile my faith that he is on his way to eternity, with the manner in which he passed. I cannot share my suspicions with family members, and I want to be rid of the feelings. I feel almost sinister in my attitude, however I know enough that if I do not clarify what went on, and find a way to forgive family members - if that is what it comes to, I will suffer for my life. Help me see this through...or what can I do?