Can't find items right in front of him?

[Lizzy850]

I would like some feedback on this situation, he was diagnosed at 52, 7 years ago. This is an example... Happens with glasses, shoes, toothbrush, etc. I can ask my husband to grab something right in front of him and he doesn't see it. Then I repeat the question a little louder and he tells me not to yell at him. It is a vicious cycle. Many times he ends up in tears and says he can't do anything. It breaks my heart. You hear that this is memory loss, but the hardest part for us right now is not being able to recognize items. I've read a few books, but none have been helpful.

He really wants to help. I will ask him to set the table by asking for an item at a time. He will only grab one fork, cup, placemat. I ask him to grab another one and he puts the first one back.

The other odd thing is he'll take socks off and put them back on 3 or 4 times. He'll try to put another pair of pants or shirt over the one's he's wearing. Thought about minimizing his drawers and putting the other clothes tucked in a closet, but don't want to aggravate. I'm at a loss and we are both frustrated.

Any thoughts are appreciated,
Liz

 

[sapphire turner]

My husband is similar, can’t seem to work out how to do anything much at all - setting table with all forks, messing up the recycling, making four cups of coffee for the two of us, one with just hot water in. And yet when we go to family parties everyone says he seems fine to me…. He can give a good impersonation of a normal person for a limited time.
He won’t shower at all now, washes in the sink a bit but his head is all scabby. Surprisingly doesn’t smell bad, I should be grateful for small mercies 😹😹😹

 

[Kevinl]

You are much appreciated, by all of us I'm sure, but you can't educate someone out of AZ the same way you educate a child, you're managing decline not asendancy, and so confronting isn't the answer for me. K

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Lizzy850

Unfortunately the things you describe are all too common. It's much to do with the loss of cognitive function, altered visual perception and loss of understanding of language.

With my wife I found that referring to things by their colour helped. An example would be that I might ask her to open the grey thing, rather than fridge as the word fridge would have no meaning.

As to the behaviours, they are all a bit weird and if no harm is being done I just let things go. My wife will often appear in the living room wearing 3 socks and a shoe on one foot and a sandal on the other. If balance issues aren't arising, or we aren't going out, I just leave things be until the time comes for a change.

 

[Lizzy850]

Hello @Lizzy850

Unfortunately the things you describe are all too common. It's much to do with the loss of cognitive function, altered visual perception and loss of understanding of language.

With my wife I found that referring to things by their colour helped. An example would be that I might ask her to open the grey thing, rather than fridge as the word fridge would have no meaning.

As to the behaviours, they are all a bit weird and if no harm is being done I just let things go. My wife will often appear in the living room wearing 3 socks and a shoe on one foot and a sandal on the other. If balance issues aren't arising, or we aren't going out, I just leave things be until the time comes for a change.

Thank you so much for your reply. My husband as well will appear with a slipper and a tennis shoe. Need to learn not to sweat the small stuff and will definitely try using colours. Much Appreciated!

 

[Lizzy850]

My husband is similar, can’t seem to work out how to do anything much at all - setting table with all forks, messing up the recycling, making four cups of coffee for the two of us, one with just hot water in. And yet when we go to family parties everyone says he seems fine to me…. He can give a good impersonation of a normal person for a limited time.
He won’t shower at all now, washes in the sink a bit but his head is all scabby. Surprisingly doesn’t smell bad, I should be grateful for small mercies 😹😹😹

The Recycling... that struggle was lost. When we drop off our trash all goes into the trash dumpster. Really bothers me, but I've put a big note stating RECYCLE on the bin, but it doesn't make a difference. My mother always said "pick your battles" and that's not one.
Question on the coffee. Someone recommended trying picture directions. Have you tried that?
My husband is able to mask when with company, too. He's got a great sense of humor and loved by all.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

I would like some feedback on this situation, he was diagnosed at 52, 7 years ago. This is an example... Happens with glasses, shoes, toothbrush, etc. I can ask my husband to grab something right in front of him and he doesn't see it. Then I repeat the question a little louder and he tells me not to yell at him. It is a vicious cycle. Many times he ends up in tears and says he can't do anything. It breaks my heart. You hear that this is memory loss, but the hardest part for us right now is not being able to recognize items. I've read a few books, but none have been helpful.

He really wants to help. I will ask him to set the table by asking for an item at a time. He will only grab one fork, cup, placemat. I ask him to grab another one and he puts the first one back.

The other odd thing is he'll take socks off and put them back on 3 or 4 times. He'll try to put another pair of pants or shirt over the one's he's wearing. Thought about minimizing his drawers and putting the other clothes tucked in a closet, but don't want to aggravate. I'm at a loss and we are both frustrated.

Any thoughts are appreciated,
Liz

It's because the brain connections get broken. When someone says 'glasses' to you, your mind instantly forms a picture of 'glasses' so you look for that thing. He just can't do that now - he hears the word but can't form the mental picture. When you're setting the table and ask him to get another fork, he might get as far as the cutlery drawer, especially if you gesture towards it. But once there, he's either forgotten what you asked or his mind says 'fork' but he doesn't get that mental picture so may come back with something else. Or nothing at all.

It is heartbreaking to see this cognitive disintegration right in front of you - I feel for you.

 

[Lizzy850]

It's because the brain connections get broken. When someone says 'glasses' to you, your mind instantly forms a picture of 'glasses' so you look for that thing. He just can't do that now - he hears the word but can't form the mental picture. When you're setting the table and ask him to get another fork, he might get as far as the cutlery drawer, especially if you gesture towards it. But once there, he's either forgotten what you asked or his mind says 'fork' but he doesn't get that mental picture so may come back with something else. Or nothing at all.

It is heartbreaking to see this cognitive disintegration right in front of you - I feel for you.

Thank you, I will try your suggestion.