Hi everyone I've posted a lot on tp my mum had Alazimhers for ten years but in November 2022 she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She passed away on 12th March this year I do feel it was like a double whammy,all the years living with Alazimhers and then cancer I was completely floored when I found out and cried everyday for weeks it was so unfair she had suffered enough then this. Is it making my grief harder to bare I don't know I just feel it very hard to get my head around. My wee mum mbe having cancer for two years and me not knowing how could I not have known, it breaks my heart thinking about it.
Cancer and Alizamhers
- Thread starter cesar66
- Start date
Hi @cesar66 I have not posted for a long time but I read your post and I felt a need to answer you. My dad had alzheimers for probably near ten years before he was diagnosed and that only happened because he became unwell losing lots of weight over a very short period and then within months he was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer. Yes double whammy for me too and everything that comes with it.
I didn't suspect cancer and neither did his GP We had concentrated on the dementia which was all too evident and I can't blame anyone for not noticing the cancer. Sadly treatment was not on the cards for dad but he did amazingly well and lived another two years which far exceeded his prognosis because his cancer was far advanced when it was discovered.
I will say that I did everything possible to make things nice for dad and I think he was happy most of the time which is more than I could hope for and this has given me some comfort in the three years since he died although I still haven't really comes to term with it even now. You seem to be a very caring person and I think you need to concentrate on what you did do and not on what you were not able to do. In hindsight we would all do things differently but this is not possible and we just do things the best we can at the time. I am sure that you did your best and your mum would have been happy with that.
Give yourself some time because it is not your fault, it's nobody's fault. It's just a hard thing to process and deal with. I am still dealing with it three years later and I know that I did my best and it was not my fault and dad would hate for me to still be feeling bad after all this time. It's early days for you but just give yourself time.
I didn't suspect cancer and neither did his GP We had concentrated on the dementia which was all too evident and I can't blame anyone for not noticing the cancer. Sadly treatment was not on the cards for dad but he did amazingly well and lived another two years which far exceeded his prognosis because his cancer was far advanced when it was discovered.
I will say that I did everything possible to make things nice for dad and I think he was happy most of the time which is more than I could hope for and this has given me some comfort in the three years since he died although I still haven't really comes to term with it even now. You seem to be a very caring person and I think you need to concentrate on what you did do and not on what you were not able to do. In hindsight we would all do things differently but this is not possible and we just do things the best we can at the time. I am sure that you did your best and your mum would have been happy with that.
Give yourself some time because it is not your fault, it's nobody's fault. It's just a hard thing to process and deal with. I am still dealing with it three years later and I know that I did my best and it was not my fault and dad would hate for me to still be feeling bad after all this time. It's early days for you but just give yourself time.
Thank you Duggies -girl . My mum had ovarian cancer and there was nothing that could be done ,it had spread and because of advanced Alazimhers it was palliative care. I'm lucky mum never seemed to be in a lot of pain and was always smiling. I brought mum home after diagnosis and we cared for her for four months I shall cherish that time forever. I know I couldn't have changed things and i did my best for her. She would also hate for me to be this unhappy. Thank you for replying to my post it means a lot that other people care
I have had two friends who have died from ovarian cancer. Neither of them had dementia and yet, in both cases, they did not seek medical advice until the cancer was very advanced, because they did not realise that anything was wrong. Ovarian cancer is notoriously difficult to diagnose. The symptoms are woolly, frequently overlooked or confused with other more common things and (crucially) you are not a cancer expert.
You have nothing to blame yourself for.
You looked after your mum making her last weeks and months the best possible.
I take my hat off to you
xx
Your thread resonates with me too as we are currently waiting for results for both my dad (suspected bowel cancer) and my mum (suspected skin cancer). They both also have Alzheimer's, and I am dreading what may be ahead, I am also trying to make as many plans to do nice things in the near future as I can, just in case...
Andbreathe I'm so so sorry and feel for you especially with both parents having Alazimhers and now mbe cancer hopefully not. It's a double whammy my mums inflammation markers were always raised and she didn't look to well I decided I did want to know if something was underlying . I was floored when I was told ovarian cancer that had spread to liver and spleen. We brought mum home and cared for her for the last four months of her life which I will cherish forever 💗. Alazimhers is bad enough but cancer aswell I know exactly how you are feeling you are in my thoughts and prayers please keep posting xx
Thanks for your kind words cesar66. A further consultant appointment has just come through for mum, so hopefully we shall know soon.
Hi, we are going through similar, although in our case it is my husband's brother (schizoid personality disorder and bowel cancer) and my husband, who has Alzheimer's and undergoing tests/scans for probable tongue cancer. Brother-in-law's is advanced but I am hoping we have caught hubby in early stages, we should find out next week.
