1. kaz

    kaz Registered User

    May 3, 2004
    19
    hi,
    my nan has Alzheimers, she has had it for about 2 years now and is currently living in a flat by herself and has careline available. My dad is always at her house cleaning her house, taking her shopping etc, he suffers from depresion and having to looki after his mum is making him worse. She is always phoning us up every 10 minutes. She does not call her other son who lives in manchester saying hes too far away to call, when he does speak to her the only speak for a few minutes.
    she is getting worse by the day, my mum has to do all her washing for her and she is now incontinent, she does not change her clothes at all even when we tell her they need to be as she has accidents, but shes does not understand and the next time shes still wearing the same clothes, she has got to the stage now where she smells, im sure she never washes now.
    She hardly eats anymore we have tried meals on wheels, but she just stored them in the fridge saying could keep them untill best before date. the only time she eats a proper meal is when one of us puts it in front of her and stays while she eats, if we leave it with her she leaves it on one side.
    we have been to socail services who admitted she was a risk to herself but there is nothing they can do as she is not willing to go in to a residential home.
    My mum and dad are going away next week and we are all concerned about how shes going to cope, it only for a few days, but, they wont be around to help her. We worry even more that if something were to happen that she does not know to pull the cord for carline. we just dont know what to do anymore, we know that a home is the best place for her but she says theres nothing wrong with her and she does not need help, she says shes just fooling us. She had a fall a few months back at the local shops, we were called and took her to the doctor, who told us to take her to A&E as he was concerned, they did not admit her and we had to take her back to our to keep an eye on her in the night to make sure she did not get worse.
    does anyone know how we can help her?
    thanks
    she just wont admitt that she need some help and with my mum and dad going away next week i dont know how she will cope.
     
  2. emscub

    emscub Registered User

    Dec 5, 2003
    124
    Bath
    Hi Kaz,

    I don't know how much help I can be, but I felt I had to reply to your post. I can't believe your Nan has no help apart from you and your father, or maybe I can actually. It just seems so typical that we, as families, are relied upon to carry out these tasks. It's not that we mind most of the time, but I do wonder what would happen in society if we weren't around or weren't willing to do this. It sounds as if your Nan clearly needs some form of help.

    Obviously these are only my personal opinions, but when we got to a stage - about 5 years ago - where it was clear that my Nan could not cope living on her own anymore, she came to live with us and then we moved to a bigger house so that we could all live together (there weren't enough rooms in our old house!). I think we all feel now that we probably shouldn't have done this as it has meant so much emotional and financial strain and worry. My Nan also said that she wouldn't go into a care home and my Mum felt that this was the only option. Although my Mum has a brother, he has nothing to do with her care even though he lives just up the road and has retired early. I just feel so bad for my parents who both work full-time and care for my Nan around this (with help from my sister and I). They are both around 50 and might have this to deal with for 10 or more years (my Nan has vascular dementia which is not as progressive as AD).

    I think you should try ringing the Alzheimer's Society to try and get some advice from them before making any decisions. just remember that you deserve help - it isn't up to you or your Dad to take this on alone if you don't want to.
     
  3. kaz

    kaz Registered User

    May 3, 2004
    19
    hi
    thanks for your reply,
    We did used to live with my nan, my mum and dad have lived with her nearly all their married life, as shortly after they married my dads dad was dying and the doctor told my dad his mum cant cope and that they had to move in with her to help and since then (1977 i think) they have lived with her.
    she bacame very difficult to live with causing many arguments and other problems. We know that we could not do that again, and we can understand the strain it put on every member of the family. It is upseting when there are other relatives that could help but wont.
    My nan calls so many times a day, we spoke to socail services again and all we get is they cant do anything for her, it was even suggested we changed our telephone number so she could not contact us, but we cant do that, we could not forgive ourselves if something happened because she panics when she cant speak to us.
     
  4. Geraldine

    Geraldine Registered User

    Oct 17, 2003
    143
    Nottingham
    Hi Kaz

    Have your parents and nan had assessments done by Social Services? If not you are entitled to them, your Mum can have a Carer's Assessment done in her own right without any involvement from your Nan. Your Mum should be entitled to Carer's Vouchers which can them be 'spent' with local agencies or Charities like Crossroads. Before my Mum went into a home I got 6 hours a week of care plus some overnight stays. Social Services have a 'duty' to put a package of care together for your Nan as well as involving Occupational Therapists etc to ensure she has the right equipment, you need to get on the 'phone and start shouting and/or crying unfortunately it seems tho be the onlt thing that works. Is your GP or your Nan's GP sympathetic, can you get them on board. I used to think my local Social servis were bad but they seem really on theboard compared to yours. I think many people on this site will agree that the only way to get things done is to get loud and very assertive, tell people you cannot cope any more, if they think everything is OK you will not see them for dust!

    Good luck

    Geraldine
     
  5. kaz

    kaz Registered User

    May 3, 2004
    19
    hi
    just to let you know what happening.
    My nans had an assessment done by social not sure which she now has some one come in to wash and dress her in the morning.
    but they want do anymore as thats all they can offer and a home is not an option as she does not want to.
    she does not eat anymore unless someone makes it and sits with her untill shes finished it, ther people who go to dress her do give her some breakfast but they make it and go, once they leave its in the bin.
    shes lost so much weight reacenly.
    we are still going around there Dads there most of the time and when hes not shes ALWAYS on the phone, today we had gone out when we got in the phone was ringing, i picked it up and it was my nan she was concerned that there was no answer i explained we were out, she said i though you may have had a fall!!
    I said if you are so concerned about us why not understand that Dad and everyone else is concerned about you having falls she said we werw more likly to have a fall.
    We have been told by the doctor her heart is not pumping stongly enough and is still on the waiting list to see someone at the hospital about it.
    My nan had another fall the one earier this month she just collasped in the raod, a driver picked her up and took her to the local shop who know her, and we were called. We have been told by the doctor her heart is not pumping stongly enough and is still on the waiting list to see someone at the hospital about it.
    We took her to A&E we were seen a few times by various people a heart monitor was done but we were told it was OK?
    she was seen by the doctor only to be told to take her home.
    only last week only a few weeks after this fall we had a call to say she had fallen again but was at home, this was strange as all the other times she was where she had fallen, we found out she had fallen down her first few stairs but was OK no marks etc.
    We are trying to convince her to go in to a home, we look at on yesterday and its really good, better then some we have seen. we have sown her the details and she seems to like it. Today shes been mention homes so hopefuly now we are starting to get somewhere and we will be able to move her in to a home and we will know that shes safer then where she is now.
     
  6. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Hello Kaz

    Its disgraceful that Social Services and the Hospital doctors are all prepared to leave your nan on her own. We had to fight to get recognition for my Aunt who would not accept help - after weeks of polite phone calls she was finally allocated a social worker who rang me to introduce herself one day and then announced she was going on holiday for 2 weeks so would be in touch on her return! During that 2 weeks Aunt ended up in hospital and we were fortunate that she had a consultant who "instructed" me that no way could she go home alone and had to move into care.

    Like you we made the mistake of admitting that we were around to help her (even if we were over an hours drive away) and that meant that she was moved down the priority list.

    Maybe you've managed to sow the seed of the idea of the home now and at least you have a chance of getting her there. But I expect there will be changes of mind - perhaps very strong ones - but you must perservere for her sake and yours. You may well have to use deception to get her to perhaps go for a break while she gets her strength up or something similar?

    Good Luck

    Kriss
     
  7. Chloe

    Chloe Registered User

    Jun 3, 2004
    14
    Is there any chance of getting the GP on board to back up the idea of a move? My grandmother was in quite a similar situation - insisting on continuing to live independently. We were lucky in that Social Services were supportive - she had three carers a day coming in plus my mum cooking dinner and washing etc - but they and we were increasingly concerned. Finally she started falling (and would not press her button for help) and could not remember how or where - when the GP heard this she made an immediate emergency two week admission to a care home for tests and assessment - they have the ability and budget to do this. At the same time she explained to my grandmother that she really did not think she could live independently any more - and, of course, the opinion of a doctor really counts with someone of that generation. It definitely helped.

    An additional factor was that my mum was away at the time - I was covering for a couple of days - and when I explained that I did not live locally and there was no one else apart from my mum, I think that tipped the balance. Unfortunately it does seem to be the case that any family involved in caring are often expected to deal with everything that comes up unless they say they can't or are physically not there to turn to.

    I do hope your nan continues to like the idea of the home. Maybe the GP or Social Worker could help reinforce the idea? It helped in our case that my grandmother liked the carers who openly admitted to her that they were worried about her situation - she knew when she finally had to move that everyone was happier about her.

    It is really appalling that someone who has a bad heart and is in danger of malnourishment should not get any more input and it seems to me that if social/medical services won't try and do anything further, you must have grounds for a complaint - if they admit a person is at risk but don't act on it they are shirking their "duty of care". Could a local advice organisation or the CAB help with this? Sometimes this sort of action wonderfully focusses the minds of the powers that be and they discover they can do something else after all. Good luck - the first acceptance of the idea of moving is a big step and I hope it all works out.
    chloe
     
  8. kaz

    kaz Registered User

    May 3, 2004
    19
    hi
    the other week we took my nan to the hospital, about her heart.
    the doctor asked her if she was eating and it was yes all the time!!We were shaking our heads and we expained she has alzheimers and she was barely eating a thing. He asked if she is going to a residential home my mum mentioned that she had agreed then my nan turned around and said no she didn't we were all lying etc etc noting wrong with her she does not want to go in with all the queer people!
    the doctor was very good and told her the places are very good and people are kind, decent people just like her.
    He refered her for tests- we had to take her on the same day to xray, blood tests and an ECG. and take the results of the xray and ECG to him. IT was a very very long and tiring day

    He look at the results and told us that my nans heart beat was only going at 50bpm (dont know what it should be) and this is what is causing dizzy spells and falls and she could slip into unconsciousness. He wants to do a 24hour ECG then after he has these results he will admit her to have a pace maker fitted. my nans nearly 84 i dont know if she would be able to have the operation i thought after a certain age it was deemed to risky?
    Do any of you know about this. If it does go ahead shes going to have a heart that good but with her abilities rapidly getting worse what kind of life is she going to have in a years time or so??
    Now we are aware of the problem with the heart and that she may go unconsciousness at any time we are even more concerned about her. We have been on to social services to tell them what the docotr has said and shes even more unsafe to be there cause we wont know ifs she ok 24hrs a day. they said all they could do was make a note of it on the file.

    I cant belive that now that there is a very possible risk of her going into unconsciousness which could well lead to coma and worse, she wont beable to pull the cord which she does not know how to use anyway. we keep calling her house to check up on her and going around to see her but we are under more stress as when we call and there is no answer we start to wonder if shes OK. We live over 15mins drive away, she has a sister who lives nearer but both her and her husband are ill themselves. my nans does wonder of to the shops all the time so we have to guess if somethings happened or ifs shes out, what if we if get it wrong? If something does go wrong and we get there by the time we arrive we may be too late. We cant call an ambulance everytime.i just hope we dont have too many scares.

    The doctor says if she has another fall or has a funny spell he will admit her, the problem being how do we know if she going to or is having a funny spell. It worrys me that they may operate on someone of 84 is it allowed?? we keep calling social services only to get its on the file it will be seen as soon as possible! but this could be too late.
    My Nans GP is on our side but when we last saw him (before hospital results) he said dont answer the phone and dont go around to see her, he said it may seem harsh but its the only way. There is no way anyone of us could do this as we would never forgive it if something were to happen.
     
  9. Geraldine

    Geraldine Registered User

    Oct 17, 2003
    143
    Nottingham
    Hi Kaz

    I had a friend in a similar situation to Chloe. Admittedly her father did not have Alzheimers but was 87 lived on his own and had a bad heart. Since his wife died two years ago he had carers going in regularly with a daughter close by who visited daily and other family a distance away. In the end it was one of the regular carers who insisted that he should be in care becuase of regular falls and problems taking medication and I think this helped tip the balance. He was always adamant about not going in a home but when they went to visit a couple he could not wait to move in, the home had a waiting list and he was desperate to move. He is quite settled now,

    regards

    geraldine
     
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Here are two points from someone totally medically unqualified, so please take them in that light!

    It may be irrelevant and anyway the age difference is great, but my heart runs at 48bpm and I seem to keep upright.

    I'd suggest that a lack of food and resulting low blood sugar can easily lead to dizzy spells as well.

    Doctors are often not too good at looking holistically at patients. Slow heart rate and falls may indeed make cause and effect, but if you can quantify exactly how much or how little food she is eating, then I'm sure it would be worth pointing that out as a contributary cause.....

    Though I am unqualified, most of the correct diagnoses for my wife have been mine before the doctors happened on them. Jan was also falling at the start of her dementia and the first doctor leapt in and said 'pacemaker!'. He was totally incorrect, though I wish he had been correct and that Jan just had heart ptoblems not dementia.

    Best wishes.
     
  11. kaz

    kaz Registered User

    May 3, 2004
    19
    hi
    thanks for your replies.
    when we say the doctor he did ask many question one of them being about the how much food my nan eats. she said a lot all the time. We then explained that she only eats when someone cooks it fo her and stays with her while she eats it, even now thats not wotking shes just picking at it and barly eating anything. The carer who goes in the morning makes her cereal when shes there, but next morning she will see shes not eaten it and put it down for her cats to eat!
    we dont know when we will see the heart doctor again, but ill ask a few more questions.
    He was a really good doctor one who understands the worry we have over her safety etc. I wonder i he's just helping us by getting her admitted from which she will have to go in a home, which is best for her.
    ill keep you updated
    thanks
    kaz
     
  12. Chloe

    Chloe Registered User

    Jun 3, 2004
    14
    Dear Kaz

    I just wanted to say that it is a really really difficult thing when someone is in need of help but insists they don't want it (we had it initially with my grandmother) but what you are doing is all you can do and the only way. You and your parents are entitled to support from social Services. Has your local council got one of those mission statements, saying what they will provide help with and how quickly? sometimes it helps to quote this at them and point out that they are not doing it.

    I think not eating must often be a cause of dizzy spells and falls. Even though my grandmother seemed to have people in and out all the time, it turned out that she wasn't always eating what had been prepared for her and the increased mental slowness from lack of food meant that she also completely lost track of time, which meant that she didn't know when it was time to eat, and it was a vicious circle. Now that she is at my mum's she knows when the food arrives that it is time to eat it and she has not had a dizzy spell since. A thing we hadn't realised though is how much her tastes had changed. She was never an adventurous eater but now only likes very bland food like cauliflower cheese - and anything with chips. She will not eat anything too hard, or crunchy, or with bits in, or fruit with a skin on... but she will now eat three meals a day as long as they are squidgey enough. We would love it if she would eat greens, oily fish, liver etc, but eating anything is better than eating nothing and chips do have a fair bit of vitamin c. I was reading something about this problem which said that sometimes people with AD have problems with their teeth, or mouths or throats, which they don't point out and makes eating difficult. I mention this because, as Bruce says, sometimes when doctors are looking at very serious things like possible heart problems, they overlook the day to day stuff. The very best of luck and I hope that you find a home your nan likes asap

    best wishes, Chloe
     
  13. kaz

    kaz Registered User

    May 3, 2004
    19
    hi
    we brought my nan back to our house the other day, she had been around all day and my mum and dad drove her back to her flat. Only to have problems when they arrived at her flat, she would not get out of the car! she refused saying she did not want to go back to her flat she didnt say she wanted to come back yet and was not going to get out of the car. She started shouting this very loudly and my mum and dad just could not talk her in to getting out. my nan has a cat and it was outside my mum told her the cat was waiting to get in which it was, she was having none of this. she told my mum she was nothing to do with her she wished she had never let the son go out with her and marry her and that she was no memer of her family and that she was staying with her family and my mum was to move away to be with her side of the family!! she was of cause shouting this out! after a long time she did eventually get out. i know this is due to the alzheimers but its not nice.

    My nan is getting worse and is not coping at all and we are at the stage were we cant help her any more then what we are doing, she needs 24 hour care.
    We all went to social services to inform them that she needs more help and that she simply cant cope. the receptionist called her social worker who would not see, us she was told to call other people and after about 10 minutes trying to find someone to come and see us she told someone to come up as she had been past from person to person getting nowhere.

    We went in to a room and she asked if my nan owned property we said no, then she asked if she has money to pay for a care home we said no, which was followed by oh if she had the money we could put her in one now but as she does not she must meet the criteria- which is that my nan has to be bedridden to beable to be moved in to a care home.
    I could not beleive this when we went last time she was a risk but needed to agree, which she has now aggreed to try it. now we are told she must be bedridden!! When we have been to homes before the residents have never all been bedridden. what is going on.

    My nan cant cope by helpself she lost over a stone in less then a month and social services just dont care at all.
    We just could not beleive that because she does not have the money to pay for it she cant go in one till she bedridden. we said she not safe and a risk and told her everything we did for her, she cant cook,wash,go and buy shopping,keep the house clean, wash her clothes and more. she just didnt care my mum and dad were as amazed as me we then said well what will you do if we stop doing everything we are doing for her and have no more to do with her, what will you do to help her then, she sat there and said we will do NOTHING it does not change if we are helping her or not they would not help her at all. I cant beleive that they could beable to say such things if we did not help her she would not ever have any food in, she would not have a clean and dity flat, she would be wearing the same dirty clothes and more, she just would not survive with out the help we are providing and she need even more help now.
    But social services dont care they wont help at all. this shocked us more, how could they leave an old lady who is at risk and cant cope alone?! I then mentioned the mental health act only to be told that that was nothing to do with them its done via the GP and she will then be put in a mental insitute and eventually a mental care home!!
    We could not convince them and she continued to say until she is beridden she does not meet the criteria for placement in a care home. On our way out i pick up a booklet about long term care. I read this on the way home it has a chart of what meets different priority levels. My nan meet the criteria for the highest piority but we had just spoken to them and they said she has to be bedridden, and it was a social services book. which says different what more can we do i have called the alzheimers help line and am waiting for a call back.
    Has anyone else come along this and do you know what we can do. Surely social services have to be responable at some stage.
    thanks a lot
    kaz
     
  14. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Kaz,

    You seem to be at the very end of your tether here..

    What I would advise you to do immediately is to make an appointment with another local Doctor in your area and and absolutely insist that he helps you to contact the necessary support groups for you. You don't seem to be getting anywhere with any other help through any other agencies... and for your current Doctor to suggest that you change your phone number is totally ridiculous.

    You must insist that you and your family cannot cope any longer and I'd hope that he would then help out in any way possible.

    If you aren't successful in this, then I suggest that you immediately telephone your local Member of Parliament and enlist support from that office.

    Good luck and let us know how you get on - as soon as possible if you can

    Jude
     
  15. kaz

    kaz Registered User

    May 3, 2004
    19
    hi
    thanks for the information.

    today has been rather long as we had to take my nan to the hospital this morning for a 24 ECG, its a potable device and shes able to go back with her flatas the readingare sent to the devices memory for tommorow morning when we have to take her back at 8.30am to have it taken of and the results printed. We also took her to her GP as shes been complaining that her soulder is hurting, so we thought he had better check it out. He has refered her for an urgent xray which we had to call up for. we were told it take 3 weeks for appointment, we said but the doctor put urgent on her and that changed things were going tommorow for the xray, straight after shes had the ecg device taken off.

    This afternoon my dad has had a phone call thats made us even more annoyed. My nan has had people to come and cleand and dress her every morning for about a month. Today they had not turned up before we had to leave to take her to the hospital. the phone call was from the person who goes around to wash her, my dad explained that she had an early hospital appointment and that is why she was not in and that she would be out again early tommorow as shes got to have it taken off and have the xray. she told my dad that her flat smells which it does but we have put lots of air fresner devices to help the smell. she told us that the cat tray smells and that my dad has to go around and empty it daily!!!!!! we empty it when we go around anywhy why should she call up and tell us this why does she not ring up social services and tell them, all the things she cant do. how much more are we going to be expected to do for her, are we not intitled to a life???
     
  16. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Kaz,

    You sound extremely stressed out about your Nan's situation. Perhaps you need to speak to the carer who is coming in during the mornings to help bathe her and establish regular routine with this lady.

    Of course you are entitled to a life of your own, but you really do need to get some routines set up first in order that you can relax too - even down to the simple things such as who empties the cat litter tray.

    I also suggest that you contact your Doctor again and ask him to get in touch with your local Consultant Psychiatrist who should be in charge of your Nan's case. He/she should be able to give you some very sound advice and refer you to other social workers who will be able to help.

    Best wishes Jude
     
  17. Chloe

    Chloe Registered User

    Jun 3, 2004
    14
    Dear Kaz

    You have been treated very badly and I think you should complain. I know this is one more hassle to deal with, but from what you say it sound as if your social services are failing to apply their own written guidelines. First of all you are entitled to a decision in writing regarding the course of action they are taking with your nan. It should say what they plan to do and why they have decided to do it. It should also tell you about the appeals procedure which every local authority has to have. You should be able to compare the written decision with the guidelines, and diagnosis from your GP and make your appeal on the basis that they are not providing the right level of care. The Citizen's Advice Bureau or other local advice centre should be able to help with this if necessary, and provide a confidential service. I do hope you can get the decision reversed. Best of luck

    Chloe
     
  18. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Kaz
    enough is enough and I think you have been very badly treated,someone should be held to account for the way you have been treated.
    Jude's advice get hold of the consultant and if this doesn't work telephone the house of commons and speak to your MP,you can get the number off the Alzheimer's site
    Best of luck
    Norman
     
  19. kaz

    kaz Registered User

    May 3, 2004
    19
    Hi
    Sorry in the delay in an update but there has been so much going on.
    Firstly Social services came around to my Nan's one day to see if she was suitable for a residential home,as we had been in to tell them we could not cope and she needs 24hr care. and she had finally agreed to try a home. we were told that she did not meet the criteria for a residential home as she was not bedridden! it was clear that because e were looking after her they did not care so we said from today we will have no more to do with her, what will you do to help her now that we will not help no more, she said nothing whether you are helping her or not we will not help her. We could not believe our ears if we did not help her she would;d not have any food, and live in a dirty flat and have no clean clothes and more which we told social serves and they did not care. We were put on the pile and told when we get to the top they will do another assessment. Weeks later we got a phone call to say when the assessment was to be done.
    We went to the assessment and the people who clean and feed her also turned up as did her social worker. We discussed everything and my Nan's social worker asked her if she would try out a residential home she said YES!! thank god even she commented on hoe easy that was. She told us that her care package was going to be increased so someone was going in 3 times a day to wash,dress and feed her and make sure everything was OK. We were to look around residential homes, we informed her that we already had started and we had found one that was perfect for her. we told her the name and then told us she COULD NOT go in that home unless we could pay the extra money which worked out to much over what we could afford, we tried hard to see if we could get enough each month on top of all the bills etc we have to pay out and they was no way we could afford such a ridiculous amount. the strange thing was that the home never told us top up fees were payable at their home.

    We felt so much better after the meeting as we knew that her care was being increased from that day and we were all working to getting her in a home. we had a booklet to ring up homes, by the times you crossed of the ones that do not take people with Alzheimer's you could count them the ones left on your hands. I called every home that took Alzheimer's, one call after another we don't have any spaces available and there are none coming up in the near future. The ones that had spaces you could count on one hand not exactly a lot of choice. We got a phone call from my Nan's social worker informing that there was a space in a home and we could go around to see it today if we were able. S after my mum finished work we went to this home, we looked around the bedroom was minute by the time a bed and wardrobe was in it there was no room to move. it was not en suite and the nearest toilet was down a corridor. this was the only room available and was right by the stairs which are very steep. we knew it would be no good as if she got up in the night to go to the tolilet or anything she could very easily turn to the stairs and fell down. it was too risky for her we know whats she like and there was no way she could cope with the stairs especially at night. We asked how much the fees were so we could get an idea of whats what. The home only told us how much social services would pay. at least we know what range we can look for. Over the weekend my brother and me drove to a few homes to look around and see if they were suitable and get details from them.

    The next day my mum and me had to go to her sisters in Manchester as she had to go into hospital and we were going up there to look after her and her children. We had only been there a few days and my dad was on the phone he was in a right state, he has suffered from severe depression for years now, we were concerned about what was upsetting him. he spoke to my mum and i could hear her getting more and more upset and annoyed. when she got of the phone she explained that mu Nan's social worker had just called my dad to ask about the home we had visited that she suggested my dad told her what we thought about it, it is also i a red light area, my dad had drove my Nan to have a look at the home but as soon as they entered the area she was complaining that is was a horrible area and she would not live any where like this.(it is a very bad area we don't like it either but we had to let her see as well)
    she then told him that i had looked at other homes in different areas that were much more suitable and that when we got back from Manchester we would look at all the other so we could find the right one. she said it was not my choice or my mums, it was up to him and his mother where she went. she than changed her mind and said it was nothing to do with him and she had the authority to put his mother in that home weather we and she likes it or not and she was going to put her in this home asap she was going to drive around pick her up and drop her off and this home. my dad said you cant do that she hates the place and so do we you cant put her in any old home it has to be right for her. she moaned some more and told him that on this occasion she would not do it but she could it she wanted!! I could not believe what i was hearing. we had no option now but to put a complaint in this had gone way over the top she must have broken some kind of rule you cant treat people like she was.

    We emailed a very long and detailed letter of complaint to the head of social services and sent it to as many people who were head of complaints as we could. We got an out of office for a few weeks reply, we needed this sorted now not when he gets back from holiday. the other people replied eventually a day or so before we were to come back home.

    When we got back home we looked around all the homes that had spaces again i called all the home that toke Alzheimer's again just in case someone had had some spaces available. but still there was only enough to count on one hand. We went to look around all these other homes and found one that was amazing, it was en suite like other we had now seen, the room was a good size bigger then others we had seen and the staff were fab with the residents that were all ready there. this was the home for my Nan.

    Unfortunately the problem with social services was still ongoing a date was set for a hearing to sort the issues out, we keep them social services informed and told them that we had found the home for her, we took my Nan to look around it she loved the room and talked the staff. A day was arranged for my Nan to go to the home and stay for the day without us so they could see how she got on. When we picked her up at 6pm they said she had got on really well and had talked with residents and staff and had enjoyed herself and they would have no problem to take her. we were so happy that she got on well their and liked it as we were leaving she said she would be back tomorrow!
    Social services kept messing us about, the meeting date was getting nearer but we did not want to miss out on the space at this home. it was confirmed with the home that after the meeting it would be decided if she could have the room and the home said they would keep the room reserved until they had heard more. We had another problem as they had said they would not pay what they originally told us and the first home that they would how can they tell one home shes high risk and so they will pay one amount and then changed their minds for thew home she was to go in, and there was a big difference in price. we knew we would have to pay a top up fee but with the amount we were originally told we knew we could afford it but with this new price there was no way we could.

    The meeting date came and when my mum and dad got back we were told that she would be able to go in the home, they agreed to pay the price they had originally said and apologised for what had happened.

    My Nan has now moved into this residential home and has been there for a few weeks now. we did have problems to start with as at night sh was wandering and had disturbed staff and the other residents she kept trying to get out of the fire exit, and front doors, and they did not know if they could cope with her or not. they took her to the doctors and got her put on some medication to help her settle down, she is no settled and has made a few friend we still go and see her regularly. when she first went in we asked how often we should visit, we were told everyone different. we went every day for the first week just so she knew that her family were still around and make sure she was settling. We don't go everyday now as she has settled but still go regularly in the week and weekend.


    Its taken such a long time to get to this point we have been through so much just trying to get her in to a home it really was ridiculous the problems we had with social services it was appalling from start to finish. At least now my Nan is some where were she is happy and getting the 24hour care she has needed for such along time now for years she has need this care and after fighting so hard she is finally somewhere where she gets all the care she needs its taken too long to get her i hope that the laws are changed to make life much more easier for people trying to get the care a member of the family needs so much to survive. I really do hope that no one else has such a bad times as we have had with social services. it disgusting to think how long she has needed 24hour care and they have not been bothered to help her get the care she has needed for such a long time.

    Thanks for all your help
     
  20. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Hi Kaz

    it looks like your efforts have finally paid off - well done! My Aunt now seems to be settling better into her home and I pray that there is no sudden deterioration that might mean she would have to be moved.

    I hope your Nan gets to enjoy where she is and I'm sure the company will do her good.

    Kriss
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.