Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Cream cake again ???

Not in the mood for bribery, so I cooked instead . She does like her food, oh & a large G&T

 

[rosy18]

Aw Sam glad you and your Mum had a hug. I would imagine if your Mum doesnt remember any diagnosis that's got to be better for her having been a nurse and knowing what could happen with this awful disease.
Sorry that she's taken a downturn it must seem very confusing for her and upsetting for you to see.(hugs)


Margi glad to hear Elsie is alive and well

Mum called me Nellie today I really don't know where all these names come from.
We didn't make the singing at the fire station Mum was just too tired

Hope we have some sunshine today and it's a peaceful day for us all

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Rosy (Nellie)

Yes, mum forgetting the diagnosis is good, as she was too aware of what was coming, but she's now anxious about what is wrong with her. She knows things aren't right & she's trying to work out what it is :-(. I'm not sure what's worse right now. Being scared because she doesn't know what it is, or being anxious because she does know what's wrong.

It's all wrong. I hate blooming dementia

I'm sorry you missed the fire station, no eye candy today . Hope your mum feels rested later

We have sunshine, forecast rain from yesterday till Sunday, been wrong so far . It has rained, but only short torrential, then bright sunlight

I'm heading for the garage, to attempt a shelf & more sorting . It's the sorting that's taking forever. I'm tired just thinking about it

 

[Amy in the US]

Sam, good luck with the garage, the shelving, and the sorting. If you run out of things to sort, you can come and have a go at my garage, it's a shocking mess!

I just wanted to offer a sympathetic ear about your mum's anxiety, as I well remember what it was like when my mother was in thrall to anxiety. Like your mum, she didn't know what was wrong with her (and this was before her diagnosis, but not before her dementia), but she knew something was not right. It was really horrible to watch her suffer, and I imagine it's horrible for you as well as her.

I wish I had great advice, but don't, just sympathy and cyber hugs to offer.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Sam, good luck with the garage, the shelving, and the sorting. If you run out of things to sort, you can come and have a go at my garage, it's a shocking mess!

I just wanted to offer a sympathetic ear about your mum's anxiety, as I well remember what it was like when my mother was in thrall to anxiety. Like your mum, she didn't know what was wrong with her (and this was before her diagnosis, but not before her dementia), but she knew something was not right. It was really horrible to watch her suffer, and I imagine it's horrible for you as well as her.

I wish I had great advice, but don't, just sympathy and cyber hugs to offer.

Hi Amy

I've cut 3 shelves, one is balanced on freshly drilled brackets & im stopping for coffee. Never drill above shoulder height my dad would say, but mum broke the little step stool so I've no choice & it's killing my shoulder . It's slow going, but when I'm done I'll have space for 18 jars I can sort tools & fixings into so I can see what I have.

Lol. I can work my way round earning my keep by sorting garages . Margi & Rosy have offered me the chance to fill some time too

Cyber hug gratefully received

The strange thing with mum, is until a week ago, she knew she had Alz, as a retired dementia nurse, she understood the prognosis only too well. But suddenly she's forgotten. She doesn't even remember nursing!!!! She trained at 16 & retired at 76, so that's a bit if a shock for me

We've talked, I've laid on the "I'm here & im not leaving you" pretty thick, trying to give her the "feeling" of safety. I'm sure she'll forget the words, but am hoping she'll remember the feeling of reassurance. It's all I can do

At least I've an idea of why she's acting up so badly

I hope you are still feeling the benefits of your holiday

 

[LadyA]

Stand on a blinkin' chair, if you must! Your dad was right. You will wreck your shoulder even more, drilling above your height! I had one damaged shoulder, but since early Spring this year, I now have two! And it ain't fun! What was my "bad" shoulder is now the "good" (relatively) shoulder!

But can you put me on the list of garages that need sorting, please? I already have some shelves, and jars with nails, screws etc. in them. But, you see, they are literally covered in thick, sticky cobwebs, and I'm not touching them!!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi LadyA

If we run out of things to do in Kilkenny in September we can all pile down to your garage

Maybe you should put a warning on the retreat page, "Hard labour may be involved"

It was only 6 drill holes, I did them 2 at a time, stirring (lol, sorting) stuff in between , with coffee breaks. Shoulder isn't too bad today, so I think I got away with it needs must & all that

 

[rosy18]

Sam you really do make me feel very guilty about my garage. I'll say to myself whilst the carer is here the next day (providing they can keep my Mum from hunting me down) I will make a start and get it sorted before the winter comes but I just can't muster up the enthusiasm or energy
Quiet day again with Mum sleeping for most of it so just got stuck into my book and Mum holding my hand in her vice like grip .....I read for a couple of hours struggling to keep my eyes open with Mums babaling going on for most of the night....again

 

[Sam Luvit]

What you have to understand Rosy, is the sale on my house dragged on for months, then I got a call late Thursday saying completion on Tuesday I couldn't get the Friday off work, so that gave me 3 1/2 days to finish packing & move everything. Couldn't get s man & a van, so I did the 160 round trip 7 times ... I had to ram boxes into the garage, alongside all the **** already in there

It's taken me 2 years of "doing a bit" before I lost my patience & got a friend of my eldest to help

The walls are filled with book shelves & cupboards for storage & I can walk through the centre, but it's not still only "getting there".

You will "get there" too. I'll be up there again & I might just ransack it for you

 

[Sam Luvit]

Sam yo
Quiet day again with Mum sleeping for most of it so just got stuck into my book and Mum holding my hand in her vice like grip .....I read for a couple of hours struggling to keep my eyes open with Mums babaling going on for most of the night....again

Mum is also very sleepy, but she's becoming my shadow, seems ..... unsure of herself .... needy ... almost lacking in self confidence. It's very strange & sad. I'm giving her lots of love

Hope we all get some sleep tonight, I've the doctors early, so I need to be up & awake by 9 I'm normally telling mum to go to bed after midnight, so early nights are a long forgotten occurrence

Isn't it awful when you try to read, but you can barely focus as you're so tired

 

[Sam Luvit]

Thursday. As I'm driving to work I see that warning light come on . No other issues, but I was nervous of what might happen

Anyway, too much going on, so I drive home, chivvy mum along (we all know how well that works ), get her to optician with 4 minutes to spare. I'd only allowed 20 minutes!!

All done & tell mum we are taking a detour ....

Arrive at the garage, park up and put my best smile on

Walk in, S looks up & I can feel his heart sink, poor man, so I say ...

Hi, I missed you so I thought I'd come in & say hello . Oh, and that lights back on

Lots of laughter, he checked it out with mum in the car, she's booked in again for Monday. (the car, not mum) this time it's the sensor in the fuel, which had tripped before, but forgot about it with all the other stuff.

Another £150 to sort that

Hey, ho. I'm trying to be upbeat about it all.

 

[Slugsta]

Afternoon all,

Sorry I have been AWOL for a while - I have no excuse

Sam, I am so sorry that your mum is now prey to anxiety. Isn't it strange (I was going to say 'Funny' but it is far from amusing) how something can be forgotten so suddenly? 60 years of nursing is pretty amazing - here I was feeling proud of my 35! To suddenly forget all those years is truly baffling.

Also sorry that your blooming car is playing up again I do hope it is sorted quickly this time round - even if it is only to get you out of their hair!

The garage clearance sounds a mammoth task. I no longer have that problem as we don't have a garage. However, we do have a spare room that is still packed with boxes and must be cleared before the wardrobes are installed in 6 weeks time. I walked in there today, looked round, gave up and came back to the computer!

Amy, it is great to see you again!

Rosy, I'm sorry that your mum isn't up to doing much other than sleeping. My Mum used to grip our hands tightly - but she hasn't tried to hold them for a while now

LadyA, I'm sorry to hear that both of your shoulders are so sore ((( hugs )))

Margi, what a relief that Elsie is alive and well!

The news here is that SkyCat is continuing to do well. She is eating twice as much as the big cat (but not really putting on weight, which is an indication that things are not right). Husband chooses to believe that she is 'better' apart from some residual brain damage affecting her balance etc. I prefer to enjoy each day she is with us.

Mum is not so well. She has been very quiet and sleepy when we have visited recently, I think she has said only 2 words over the past 3 visits. Her eating and drinking is now variable, it took a full hour to get a cup of tea ( I shudder when she drinks tea, she has hated it for 90 years but she doesn't complain, so I guess she does not find it unpleasant now) and a piece of cake into her. Some days she will eat and drink well, other times she refuses. She has been seen by her GP who says there is nothing new going on (both myself and the CH owner wondered about aspiration pneumonia). She is just fading away

So you can guess how guilty I feel about not visiting today?! Hubby wanted the car all day and I am utterly exhausted, so decided to skip a visit (but the CH know I will go if they tell me they think I should). I am finding the routine very wearing on top of my own physical limitations. On one hand, I wish this could end soon for everyone's sake. Then I remember that will mean that she is gone for ever . . .

We had good weather here but it is grey and miserable today (which is how I feel!). I hope you will all get some down-time over the weekend.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Sorry I have been AWOL for a while - I have no excuse
.

Hi Slugsta

AWOL with no excuse, how very dare you

I'm not sure exactly what of the nursing she's forgotten, but when I said she'd worked in all the EMI & most of the nursing homes in the area, she said "have I?" She looked totally blank at my joking "come on Nurse L". She was about 68 when she decided not to do her "re-qualify" annual tests & let it lapse, deciding she didn't want the responsibility of holding the drugs keys etc, but continued on as a carer in the various homes . 4 years later she was diagnosed & 2 years from that she's forgotten it it's so not fair

I think I knew the "other" sensor would need work, but it had slipped all our minds. He has promised to do his best to get it sorted in one day. I can't be doing with it taking longer.

TBH, some of the garage will stay boxed up, it's my crockery, cutlery, glasses etc, that I want to keep, but mum wants to use her things. So, one day, I will move on with that & I won't even have to pack!!

A lot of the rest are tools, which I'm sorting through, checking they work & will find them new homes (or donate) & of course numerous garden things. Why we gave a gazebo, a garden brolly, 2 no 3 long cushions but not the chairs I've no idea. I've also found 3 folding garden chairs & 2 massive wicker chairs, with no place to go

I've just been round to a neighbours new flat (bought this week, but needing work) & have agreed to help with some grunt work , however, all carpets are to be ripped up & I've asked if I can pinch them to put in the garage!!!

Not as strange as it might sound, as once the space is cleared I'm planning on setting up various exercise stuff & getting a bit fitter, so carpet will make it more comfortable & warmer , or that's the theory

Spare rooms, garages & lofts. Great places to "put for later" until later arrives . I understand the walking out & pretending it isn't there. When I was unpacking after my mammoth move, I took one box a day out of the garage and into the house, unpacked it into its new home & then got on with other things. It's surprising how quickly it gets done, with very little extra effort. It seems like no change, until about week 2, then it moves along & I felt really pleased with myself

Good to hear about Skycat , so long as you are still getting cuddles & happy purring, that's good enough.

I'm sorry your mums eating & drinking is so variable, good that's it's nothing new causing it, but difficult to be told she is fading away. Please tell the GM to go take a running jump s/he is not welcome here we all do as much as we can, you have limits on what you can manage, it's not like you are lying on a beach, sipping cold cocktails, bought by eye candy waiters .

 

[Margi29]

No doubt in my mind now, mum has definitely taken a downturn

I'm cooking dinner, she's ignoring me, but no lemon face, more hesitant & unsure

Anyway, I was walking past her, took a chance & sidestepped in front of her & grabbed her hands, pulled her arms around me & gave her a hug. Yay, she hugged me back

She then say ... "I'm sorry I've been such a cow to you today. I've had a wake up call"

L O N G story short, she went out with her friend D, who was awful, very embarrassing to be with & mum is worried she has dementia

Mum does not remember Dr F telling her she has Akz, doesn't remember telling me, didn't know that's why I moved down to be with her

So, she's forgotten what Alz is, so not stressing over that, which is good, told me the house is mine & next time she tells me to get out, I'm to tell her it's my F'ing house

She's a bit subdued, but holding my hand & saying she loves me. I've told her, she had 3 choices, I left her to it & waited for a crisis, I put her in a home or I moved. I won't promise she won't go in a home, but I'll do this as long as I can or until she gets violent

So we move along to the next stage by the look of it

It's awful when you realise that your mum has forgotten what the diagnosis was, but in some ways a blessing too.

My mum knew last year something was not right ?? !! And the year before

She used to say ' tell me when I come out with silly stuff ' now when or if I told her I'm afraid she denies or thinks it's true, most of the time I'm able to change subject , but it's the repeated confabulations that grate sometimes. We are only human

Forgetting about all those years nursing is so sad

 

[Margi29]

Sorry to hear your mum is deteriorating Slugsta, I really understand x

 

[Margi29]

Sam you really do make me feel very guilty about my garage. I'll say to myself whilst the carer is here the next day (providing they can keep my Mum from hunting me down) I will make a start and get it sorted before the winter comes but I just can't muster up the enthusiasm or energy
Quiet day again with Mum sleeping for most of it so just got stuck into my book and Mum holding my hand in her vice like grip .....I read for a couple of hours struggling to keep my eyes open with Mums babaling going on for most of the night....again

Bless your lovely mum x

 

[Sam Luvit]

. , but it's the repeated confabulations that grate sometimes. We are only human

Forgetting about all those years nursing is so sad

As you know Margi, I hated that mum knew so much about Alz & knew exactly what was likely to happen, having seen the very worst a lot, so her forgetting this, is good, I think. At least she's not imagining herself at the worst it can get

I'm not looking forward to my life on repeat . I don't fancy Groundhog Day at all, at least she won't know

I'm finding it hard to get the wires to say his she is. Lost little girl. She does exactly what I tell her, follows my lead, letting me lead her is so not my mum

A day at a time for now

 

[LadyA]

Do you know, Sam, I always had hated that old song "one day at a time" . Really, really hated it. But when William and I were in the throes of his dementia, someone gave me a large card with the words to that on it, and I realised just how meaningful and heartfelt they were!

 

[LadyA]

"I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time."

So, may all of you have the strength to do everyday what you have to do!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi LadyA

I'd forgotten the words, just the refrain, it tends to be going round my head when I've struggled (so a lot), but the full words are very meaningful, so thank you for that

I only really hate the sort of dong that gets stuck in your head & won't go away . I then have to play lots of totally different things at full blast to get rid of it, which as I mostly like peace these days, is a bit trying