My husband is currently in hospital with pneumonia. When a GP came to see him a few days ago he diagnosed a chest infection. I had mentioned that I am also concerned about his increasingly poor mobility and the fact he often doesn't have the strength to stand and take his own weight. This has been particularly apparent during the night. He uses a bottle in his bedroom at night but has recently been unable to get out of bed in time and has ended up urinating on the side of the bed and the floor before I can get to him. The doctor asked him to get up from his chair and walk using his frame. After a few steps he had seen enough and he said we need to think about him going into a care home. My husband doesn't want to and I said I don't want him to but I don't feel I can care for him properly any more. He is a lot bigger and heavier than me and I find it difficult to support him when he can't stand. These most recent developments have caused me to need chiropractic treatment, I've strained the muscles around my hip. Added into this is the problem of incontinence which has become worse. After washing three sets of clothes in a day I got some incontinence pants for him but he doesn't understand and still keeps wanting to get up in the night to use a bottle. I know some of this may be caused by the current infection but it had already started. I'm the night I had to get him into hospital he was constantly trying to get out of bed, he was confused to the point I had no choice but to call an ambulance. I really feel I can't come with him at home any more much as I would like to. I'm barely getting any sleep because he's up in the night. I don't have any carers to help. The hospital physio keeps talking about a care package with four visits a day. He wouldn't need four but I said that there would be nobody there in the night when I needed them. I told her what the GP had said about a care home. She said it was very difficult to transfer someone from hospital to a care home. She made it sound like I wanted to get rid of him. She mentioned rehab which I said I would like. She said that would give me a bit more time without him then I might think differently. I felt she just didn't understand my point of view at all. She said he would need a mental capacity assessment which can't be done until.he is ready to be discharged. I pointed out that I just want him to be looked after properly and to be safe. If he is at home I won't be able to go out at all. He is not keen on the idea of carers either and would find it difficult if they didn't come at the times he wanted them.
If he is assessed as having mental capacity does his decision over rule anything I say?
Can I refuse to have him home?
Who does the mental capacity assessment and what should their qualification be?
What form does the assessment take?
Does anyone have any further advice. I have spoken to my admiral nurse who is willing to support me by talking to the medical staff. It still astounds me how little hospital staff understand about dementia.
If he is assessed as having mental capacity does his decision over rule anything I say?
Can I refuse to have him home?
Who does the mental capacity assessment and what should their qualification be?
What form does the assessment take?
Does anyone have any further advice. I have spoken to my admiral nurse who is willing to support me by talking to the medical staff. It still astounds me how little hospital staff understand about dementia.